2017-06-16 at 9:30 PM UTC
Zanick
motherfucker
[my p.a. supernal goa]
Do you suffer more so from suicidal ideation, or have you had a plan? Why are you still here, after all that?
Obligatory 'help yourself' plug: If you are currently suicidal, I urge you to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ASAP at 1-800-273-8255. I've done it before, it does help to have someone to talk to, and they will welcome your call even if you aren't going to do it right now.
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2017-06-16 at 9:44 PM UTC
there's no fucking way i'm saying suicide now after your last trap fred.
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2017-06-16 at 10:16 PM UTC
people who say they are gonna an hero are full of shit attention whores. you should completely ignore them no matter how much they threaten and no matter how convincing they may seem, its just an attention whoring act. people who are seriously gonna suicide will never say fuck all, they'll just do it.
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2017-06-16 at 10:23 PM UTC
I went to see the doctor yesterday morning, spur of the moment, no prior appt made. They said she had no openings but I pleaded my case that it was very important and they made an appointment for me not but 2 hours after I called- when I went there they literally called my name right away (I was a half hour early). I think they all knew something was up, and it was, because I was very very sad and very very tired and I haven't been on meds in 2 months and things have been getting bad (despite the sort of happy persona I've kept up), and I just sat there in the room staring at my feet because that's all I wanted to do.
Normally, and this might work against me, when I am depressed and see the doctor for whatever reason I always get into a semi-good, cordial mood when I actually visit with them and can't truly relay the sadness, lethargy, overwhelmed, exhausted feelings that I have. So anyway, this time I was able to, because it's how I felt, and I didn't feel like fronting.
I started at my feet, I talked slowly, I even cried when they asked me some questions because I felt so fucking bad about where I was at... AM AT. My doctor kept asking me if I had thoughts of harming myhself or others, I told her no, and she asked me if I would visit with the resident therapist, who of course was some skinny hot blonde in her late 20s, (why, of course? I don't know, but it made me take her less serious). She actually was fucking chewing gum and doing it like a stupid bitch which pissed me off but I was so depressed that I just stared at the ground anyway, it's not like I was gonna say something about it.
Anyway she asked me all the standard questions and things like that and I told her the best I could how I've been feeling lately, and then she like the other doctor started asking me if I was suicidal because based on my demeanor it seemed probably like I was definitely suicidal, in addition to the fact that I begged them to let me in there without an appt, and they both printed me up a bunch of suicide hotline numbers and kept asking me if my thoughts change from not suicidal to suicidal what would I do and who should I call and I'm like yeah yeah fucking 911 or go to the emergency room or whatever and they seemed so very worried for me.
I tried to tell them aside from fleeting thoughts that I could not and would not ever commit suicide but they seemed to think I was suicidal anyway.
Meh. That's my story. OUTCOME: I get put on a different SSRI, lowest dose. Can you believe that?
2017-06-16 at 10:43 PM UTC
Life is tough!
That’s a given.
When you stand up, you’re gonna be shoved back down.
When your down, you’re gonna be stepped on.
My advise to you doesn’t come with a lot of bells and whistles.
It’s no secret you’ll fall down… you’ll stumble… you’ll get pushed… you’ll land square on your face.
But every time that happens,
You get back on your feet.
You get up just as fast as you can.
No matter how many times you need to do it.
Remember this.
Success has been and continues to be defined as getting up one more time, then you’ve been knocked down.
If experience has taught me anything, it’s that nothing is free, and living ain’t easy!
Life is hard.
Real hard.
Incredibly hard.
You fail more often than you win.
Nobody’s handing you anything.
It’s up to you to puff up your chest, stretch your neck, and overcome all the difficult… the nasty… the mean… the unfair.
You want more than you have now?
Prove it!
You want to be the very best there is?
Get out there and earn it!
Once you decide that, you will know where it is you want to be.
And you won’t stop pushing forward until your get there!
That’s how winners are made.
At the end of the day, success is what we all want.
We all wanna win.
And, the race will be won.
There is no question about that.
So come on…
Get out on top.
Run faster.
Dream bigger.
Live better than you have ever before.
This is in you.
You can do this.
Do it for yourself.
Prove it to yourself.
I'm RestStop and I am niggasin.space
2017-06-16 at 10:44 PM UTC
I seriously contemplated suicide for years and wasn't planning to live very long, for a wide variety of reasons.
I was planning on buying everything I needed for an exist bag, which is a pretty simple setup. All I needed was a tank of inert gas. Unfortunately I learned that the Party Time helium balloon tanks that were recommended before started being mixed with 20% oxygen, either due to a helium shortage that occurred a few years ago or awareness that people were using them to end their lives. You could order them online for about $50, so that was the only thing that kept me from doing so.
I wanted to have one around in case I was ever in horrific situation where I had been in an accident or something and was in a horrendous physical state, or just suffering to the point that life was no longer worth living, trapped in a waking nightmare that never ended. I never wanted to be in a position where I couldn't rapidly and peacefully end my life.
Probably a good thing I became discourage easily and didn't go through with, the temptation could well have been too great. Combine it with a high dose of benzos to take away the fear, maybe some propranolol as well, even opioids, and you have a solid stack that could make it far easier to go through with, and much more peaceful.
2017-06-16 at 10:49 PM UTC
Originally posted by NARCassist
people who say they are gonna an hero are full of shit attention whores. you should completely ignore them no matter how much they threaten and no matter how convincing they may seem, its just an attention whoring act. people who are seriously gonna suicide will never say fuck all, they'll just do it.
Absolutely wrong. Thomas Joiner addresses this in "Why People Die By Suicide" and "Myths About Suicide". This is actually one of the primary reasons suicidal people don't receive the help they need and can eventually actually go through with it, which generally causes loved ones and family to feel incredibly guilty for having missed the signs. Some people genuinely are dramatic attention whores and whiners, but they're the majority. Repeated talk of suicide should always be taken seriously, especially if they show multiple other signs of being at high risk, symptoms of severe depression. Unfortunately the vast majority of people haven't studied mental health and don't know what the signs/symptoms of both of these are. They end up saying and doing the worst things you could to someone who's severely depressed and contemplating suicide and simply make things worse.
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2017-06-16 at 10:50 PM UTC
Me. But I chose to be a beast instead.
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2017-06-17 at 2:11 AM UTC
i do have a fair bit of experience with suicidals/fakers malice. i'm not just talking off the top of my head here. fact is people who seriously want to die don't want intervention.
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2017-06-17 at 2:15 AM UTC
as somebody who regularly claims to be suicidal you really are not a good authority on this. if you ever admitted you really actually only just wanted help/attention/salvation, then your suicidal threats would lose there potency. so you could never allow yourself to fess up.
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2017-06-17 at 2:21 AM UTC
I can't fess up to that because it isn't true. That was never the reason why. I don't even post about it anymore.
