New APS recap so you don’t have to watch “DANNY’$ OLD APARTMENT”
nsfw
Joe starts the video off, making sure to flash a retarded hat that reads “BO$$” because only a guy like Joe Guerrero would own, and unironically wear a hat that retarded.
He is also fat.
He takes his glasses off, trying to look cool while saying nothing. In reality, he just looks fat. And old.
He says he started working at 7:30 in the morning. We all know that’s definitely not true. It’s fucking daylight out. It’s like four in the afternoon asshole.
He starts talking and says a bunch of blah blah blah bullshit. Doubts that the job will even be worth the money.
He says he’s being realistic. He’s just being fat.
The video makes some sort of weird cut that cuts him off midsentence because he’s retarded and fat. And he doesn’t have Cody. Because he’s retarded and fat.
Something something he says he’s gonna paint some shit hole.
He says they “don’t give him a whole lot of information” probably because they know he’s a fucking retard that shares everything in his shitty YouTube videos and they don’t want their information being out there publicly.
He said something about a “broken tranny stripper” or a “broken transition strip” I don’t know, it’s hard to understand his fatass. I just don’t think he should be talking about Jersey B like that.
He says he’s gonna make 350 for this unit which is fucking laughable. Get fucked Joe.
All work in total, he says will be around 860, which is honestly hilarious. Boi doe. Dat boi LONG MONEY JOE ain’t so long money.
He tries to make it sound like he’s making “long money”. Even makes a comment about how he’s “not trying to get rich doing this” which made me physically laugh out loud. I mean this asshole has a “BO$$ hat” in his work truck, which implies that he wears it in front of his employees and coworkers.
He bitches about driving. For a long time.
He bitches about cleaning his van.
The video cuts him walking into the apartment.
He makes sure to make a big deal out of the fact that this apartment used to belong to this old Mexican that he ripped off named Danny. Danny was an old Mexican that was in prison for killing somebody. Joe made him out to be a victim. And they made a lot of YouTube money together. Then the relationship fell apart when Joe tried to hoard all of the money and then Danny threatened to do what Danny does, and Joe bitched, and cried on YouTube about it and threatened to go to the cops.
It’s a long story.
He talks about all this shit that he’s supposedly going to fix that we all know he’s going to half ass.
He starts kind of running out of breath, midsentence because he’s fat. And he’s probably terrified that Danny is going to come out from behind some closet and knife him in the throat. We could only hope, right?
He talks about everything he’s going to caulk and blah blah blah.
Which makes a lot of sense coming from a guy who once said “ everything can be fixed with caulk”
He keeps dragging out the fact that this MIGHT Danny’s old apartment. He’s not even honestly sure if it is.
Thing is he needs something to clickbait, though. So we’re gonna fucking pretend OK? Make sure to send money. Cash app in video description probably.
Finally, he just straight up admits that it’s the complex.
He shows an old clip back when he wasn’t as fat.
You can tell he really really fucking misses those days and DESPERATELY wants to be “Ol LONG MONEY JOE” again. Problem is he’s broke and fat, and old, with saggy bologna tits, and a cottage cheese gut.
At one point he zooms in on the kitchen, and you could almost see some old lines of meth. Maybe he had gay Dave with him? Maybe rabbit? Possibly that tranny bitch Jersey B?
He continues to him and haw over the fact that this MIGHT be Danny’s apartment because this is the most exciting thing he’s had going on in his life in a while.
It’s not like he’s going to minor-league baseball games, hanging out in that minor-league baseball suite acting like Ol Long Money these days.
All he has to look forward to is his fat wife, and a kid that probably “almost definitely” isn’t his.
He talks about how crazy it is to be in this apartment, while he shows off his really sweet blue Kmart hoodie.
It’s not like you could afford that you broke dick eating motherfuckers. Only BIG BALLERS like Ol Long Money can’t afford shit like that.
He starts bitching about how the owner wants him to paint the apartment white. He finds it necessary to bitch about what designates the correct color white.
No sane human being actually gives a fuck but he’s fat so he’s going to keep talking about it.
He says he’s “going to do what the owner ‘he thinks’ is telling him to do”. Which sounds really reassuring. Definitely sounds like a guy that knows what he’s doing. 🥴
He says he’s proud of the countertops and then shows footage. It looks like shit. Like actually really shitty. We could’ve taken a shit on those countertops and it would’ve looked better.
I mean, it’s really fucking bad. It looks like it’s about to fall the fuck apart. He says he spent a lot of money on labor when we all know he just threw that shit together in an afternoon with some meth heads, he hired outside of Home Depot.
He makes sure to mention that he has a “top guy” and a “crew of people” which is doubtful. I feel like if he actually had a crew of people he would be showing that shit off like he used to because he wants everybody to know he’s DA BO$$ BOI JOE OL LONGGGG MONEYYYYZZZZ….. when in reality he’s just fat.
He starts talking about comments from a previous video. Nobody gives a fuck about his ATM army retards so I’m just gonna skip this part. Those people need to drink bleach.
He mentions that it MIGHT be Danny’s old apartment for the millionth fucking time. If only he mentioned that in the title. But he wants that old-school ATM army money, and this is on APS so he’s got to do anything he can to pull in those old viewers.
Wouldn’t surprise me if he dragged rabbits old decrepit dead ass on screen Weekend at Bernie’s style.
The video cut to him walking into another shit hole. He likes to mention that it’s 8 o’clock in the morning when we both know it’s probably about four in the afternoon. Blah blah, blah blah something about being grateful to have work
He shows a bunch of his shitty ass work. I can’t believe people actually watch this shit.
I’m pretty sure he painted over the fucking sprinkler head with that dumb ass spray gun. He’s like Earl Scheib. Anybody remember Earl Scheib? He would paint any vehicle for like 20 bucks or some shit and you would have to cover up the lights yourself with tape or he would just paint over them. yeah that’s pretty much Joe.
He says that these are “beautiful units”
They’re about as beautiful as his fat ass walrus wife. Bitch looks like she got hit with a hot shovel.
Now he’s saying “NO BULL DOOD! I’m pretty sure that was Danny’s apartment dood”. When he’s not even really sure. He’s just fat and retarded.
He said something about having to deal with a “father and son team”. The thing is I can’t tell if he was referring to the shit hole apartment or if they were set up to take turns with his walrus wife. I would be willing to believe either one.
Blah blah, blah blah a bunch of stupid shit that no one cares about. Shit about paint and whatever.
He starts talking about his “new guys” because he needs you to know that HE is BIG BALLER LONG MONEY ASS JOE and that you are a dick eating motherfucker like that goddamn piece of shit Larry Lawton that fucker from Lockdown 23 and 1.
He mentions that apparently this dude hasn’t been showing up to work. But see you’re already fucking up. THIS is Ol Long Money. He has an infinite amount of patience because he realizes that time is money and he’s limitless with his scrilla right chere! He’s going to get this guy a third chance, because he’s got it like that.
But the guy didn’t show up. Because he probably fucking booked it after being gifted a laptop or some shit. Because this is Joe Guerrero, and he’s fat and retarded and a gum bumping asshole.
So then Joe goes off on a tirade about how this guy is a lazy piece of shit and doesn’t wanna work. The only thing he left out, was calling the guy a dick eating motherfucker from the APS Subreddit.
He mentions another new guy that bailed on him twice. Because who the fuck would wanna work with this retard? Then he bitches about that for a few minutes.
Make sure to point out that the guy “didn’t do shit” and that Big Bo$$ Man Joe gave him an infinite amount of chances.
Says he’s not going to degrade the dude and then spends several minutes degrading the dude.
Says he can’t wait for this father and son team. Guarantee his wife can’t wait either.
He openly admits that he’s not sure if he’s going to be able to afford these people. So feel free to send money. He was definitely hinting for that shit. You can help by tipping now. Don’t be a dick eating motherfucker that gives all your money to that Goddamn Larry Lawton.
The video cut to him sitting in his shitty rape van. he says it’s the end of the day when it’s probably like four in the afternoon again.
Blah blah blah says he did a bunch of work today.
Something about a father and son team, which I guarantee was hired by his fat ass wife to fix her plumbing.
Literally, doesn’t know if he’s going to be able to afford them, but he’s probably gonna try to work them anyway, and then swindle them because they’re dick eating motherfuckers that will probably end up joining the Reddit soon just like Brian‘s #1 through #15.
Blah blah blah talks about paint and Sherwin-Williams. Nobody gives a fuck.
Show some shitty black accent wall that his wife probably got BLACKED UP AGAINST.
He says he’s not griping about the work that he has to do and then proceeds to gripe about the work that he has to do. SEND MONEY.
He breaks down his terrible bids because he has no idea what the fuck he’s doing. Just hire Mexicans like normal people. They’ll do a better job and they’ll actually give a shit about the work.
I’m going to be honest there’s probably about five minutes left in the video and I just don’t give a fuck enough anymore to listen to this guy ramble and rant. It’s just a bunch of retard shit anyway.
He’s fat. Fuck him.
