2023-10-13 at 12:32 AM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
I've recently become aware of some events to do with the alleged headquarters of &T walnut creek. There is actually a mental health facility facility closeby where a man named Joshua Van Buskirk was institutionalized then went on to molotov all of his groomsmen property while leaving joker cards and lubricant. Clearly this man was trained to "molotov everything" and is very autistic. There is almost no chance he didn't encounter a Mr. Hunter while in walnut creek.
https://www.sfgate.com/news/article/East-Bay-man-nabbed-in-bizarre-arson-rampage-his-6738342.phphttps://www.cbsnews.com/news/california-arson-suspect-targeted-his-groomsmen-police-say/
I've also been given a top secret document called The Wozny Files which details a certain bay area man's pursuit of the Elusive Jeff Hunter through walnut creek. I'll share an excerpt here
Everywhere I go I see your ghost.
Everywhere I go I hear "hunter" and "totse." You are inside every orifice of mine. From the tip of my bald head to the Bunyans on my feet, you are in ever Fibre of my 480lb body.
I'm used to moving in silence. Most of my rideshare passengers prefer it this way and it suits me just fine. My need to inform my passengers of important information may account for my one star rating but I stand by my methods. For this mission however I need a different approach.
As I drive up and down the streets of walnut creek I find nothing but stares and awkward glances. They've all clearly been taught not to reveal any information on the Hunter. Several attempts at communication with thr public have been made, consisting of me driving up to persons, rolling down my window and asking if they know where Jeff is. Feigned confusion has been the reaction but I know I can find a chink in this towns armor. Their children.
The children of walnut creek have the least amount of time being programmed not to reveal any information on their towns most important resident. I seek to exploit this weakness. I drive to a elementary school and find two boys of perhaps 10 standing outside. I approach with the confidence of a man who has done this sort of thing hundreds of times before.
"Hi, boys Where's Jeff?" I ask
The long sandy blonde haired one looks to his short and darker haired compatriot and stammers "ummm I think he's in school..ummm are you his dad?"
A sly smile came to my face. "Yes I am his "Dad" I knew Jeff wouldn't be in such a low tier institution but his "school" for teaching men such as Van Buskirk was located closeby. "Take me to him"
The dark haired one looked nervous. Clearly he knew the stakes. "We shouldn't get in sir"
I looked in my car for an enticement, seeing only half empty packages of skittles and fudge rounds said "you can have some of my candy…not all but some." I stared intently at the boyish sandy blonde haired one in anticipation, wetting my lips with excitement.
He responded "ummm…sir I'm not supposed to take candy-"
"GET IN MY CAR" I yelled. I was not about to get out of my car and chase these two agile young temple disciples. Suddenly they took off running past my car through an alley and I floored my Toyota Matrix around thr corner. When I reached the other side of thr alley I watched the dark haired boy dissappear across the road to a park. The blonde was lying in the alley apparently having twisted his foot. I didn't want to have to do this but fluid situation required drastic measures
I reluctantly opened the door and stood outside the vehicle I had not left in months. I reached under my severely reclined seat for the items I had prepared for this very situation: A 2 million volt taser and duct tape. I slowly approached the boy brandishing the duct tape as he looked up at me stricken in fear.
"Looks like the hunter has become the hunted" I said Then Everything went black and I've only been able to surmise what happened next from newspaper reports
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2023-10-13 at 2:02 AM UTC
Sooooo, what are the odds his wife fucked his groomsmen and that is the cause of the divorce and the truck burnin'?
2023-10-13 at 2:05 AM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
Originally posted by Meikai
Sooooo, what are the odds his wife fucked his groomsmen and that is the cause of the divorce and the truck burnin'?
According to his story it's because they "weren't there for him during his divorce" but I like to imagine his wife dominated him and convinced him to assemble groomsmen of her past sexual conquests. This cuckholdery came to light and ended in their divorce. Either that or he's just super autistic like who leans on "groomsmen" to help during your actual marriage?
He literally left lubricant at an arson scene so there was likely a sexual component
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2023-10-13 at 2:13 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo
He literally left lubricant at an arson scene so there was likely a sexual component
That's what I was thinking, but there's a solid chance the lube was already in the truck and the guy in question was just tryna play it off like "no honey, it was the arsonist who put it there - what a fucking weirdo".
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2023-10-13 at 2:17 AM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
Originally posted by Meikai
That's what I was thinking, but there's a solid chance the lube was already in the truck and the guy in question was just tryna play it off like "no honey, it was the arsonist who put it there - what a fucking weirdo".
He also tried to burn down a house with children inside on Christmas eve and I like to think the groomsman gaslit his kids and told them it was just Santa Claus showing his anger because they were so naughty
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2023-10-13 at 2:32 AM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
"It looks like the Jeff Hunter has become the Jeff Hunted" would be so much funnier
2023-10-13 at 3:02 AM UTC
aldra
JIDF Controlled Opposition
I remember someone making a 'Jeff Gatherer' account to talk shit to mods
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
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2023-10-13 at 3:09 AM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
Me too. Possibly Yeah I'm a Leopard
2023-10-14 at 2:38 PM UTC
Hey Sudo, are you traveling to Israel for some jihad?
2023-10-14 at 3:12 PM UTC
Here St. Pats and the 12th of July are like a competition.
2023-10-14 at 3:14 PM UTC
That Hamas leader was stupid, it just showed how few followers he does have. He can't maintain an illusion of followers anymore.
2023-10-14 at 4:23 PM UTC
totse2118
Space Nigga
[my ci light-haired pongee]
get in loser we're killing infidels
