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Adopting a Kid.
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2017-05-15 at 5:17 AM UTC
Originally posted by Discount Whore Just two. Six and four.
Seven year olds are different. At that point you're kind of dropping into a kid's life rather than raising one, but it doesn't mean you can't fall into that roll with time. Definitely a harder process I think than makin em from scratch.
Yeah, I can see where it might be harder. His abuse has made him pretty submissive though, so that could be a plus.
I think my main reservation at this point is that I'm not married. Mothers are the ones who are supposed to stay home and look after the kids, do housework, etc., but I suppose I'd give him a much better home than he'd have otherwise. Just seems weird though. -
2017-05-15 at 5:26 AM UTC
Originally posted by Dargo So, that same little guy that was being beat up next door is back. His dad is still in jail, but somehow the skanky girlfriend wound up with custody. She doesn't want to adopt him because this way she gets paid each month by the state for having him around.
The problem is she's a horrible person that 1.) neglects him and 2.) continues to beat the shit out of him. The social workers said they're not able to do much more about it because "at least he has a roof over his head. Some kids have it worse y'know."
Apparently I could adopt him though, but… well, I dunno. Taking on a kid is a big commitment. He seems like an easy going kid, and I'm sure I'd provide a better home for him than he'd have otherwise…
Anyway, thoughts? Of the few who have kids, or have taken care of them, how much would adopting him ruin my life?
Your life us already destroyed beyond repair. Why drag the kid down with you. -
2017-05-15 at 5:28 AM UTC
Originally posted by Dargo Yeah, I can see where it might be harder. His abuse has made him pretty submissive though, so that could be a plus.
I think my main reservation at this point is that I'm not married. Mothers are the ones who are supposed to stay home and look after the kids, do housework, etc., but I suppose I'd give him a much better home than he'd have otherwise. Just seems weird though.
I've read adoption standards are actually extremely strict and the process tends to be excruciatingly difficult, time consuming, and expensive.
What country do you live in? I assumed you were in the US.
Honestly, just being a single male could make it practically impossible to adopt the kid. That's just the way the system is. -
2017-05-15 at 5:31 AM UTC
Originally posted by Dargo Yeah, I can see where it might be harder. His abuse has made him pretty submissive though, so that could be a plus.
I think my main reservation at this point is that I'm not married. Mothers are the ones who are supposed to stay home and look after the kids, do housework, etc., but I suppose I'd give him a much better home than he'd have otherwise. Just seems weird though.
Yeah, like Malice said, might be hard actually adopting him. If you can get the kid to vouch he wants to be with you or something though, that'd be a massive plus. Maybe just spend time with him and stuff, get to know him, etc. -
2017-05-15 at 5:34 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice I've read adoption standards are actually extremely strict and the process tends to be excruciatingly difficult, time consuming, and expensive.
What country do you live in? I assumed you were in the US.
Honestly, just being a single male could make it practically impossible to adopt the kid. That's just the way the system is.
I'm in the US, and yeah, the process is very difficult. The social workers have said they'd be willing to work with me though, and I'd get custody of him while the paperwork is pending. Another plus is that literally no one else wants him, and his caseworker is as sickened by his treatment as I am. -
2017-05-15 at 5:36 AM UTC
Originally posted by Discount Whore Yeah, like Malice said, might be hard actually adopting him. If you can get the kid to vouch he wants to be with you or something though, that'd be a massive plus. Maybe just spend time with him and stuff, get to know him, etc.
Good idea. Hanging out with him might be a way of somewhat testing my parenting skills as well. -
2017-05-15 at 5:44 AM UTC
Originally posted by Dargo I'm in the US, and yeah, the process is very difficult. The social workers have said they'd be willing to work with me though, and I'd get custody of him while the paperwork is pending. Another plus is that literally no one else wants him, and his caseworker is as sickened by his treatment as I am.
That's really fortunate.
I have read countless stories about how horribly single males are treated when they're alone with children, the assumptions people make. You're a psych, so I'm sure you know just how terrible and disillusioning human nature can be.
The autistic hermit sage wishes you well on your journey. -
2017-05-15 at 5:48 AM UTC
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2017-05-15 at 6:09 AM UTCOh man, you're really going to need to tell people about his situation, make it clear to teachers and other relevant people, because otherwise there is a seriously high risk someone is going to assume you're abusing him.
The majority of the population is just so fucking stupid and presumptuous. I would hate for you to have to deal with repeated CPS investigations because of this, it's a horrible thing to go through. -
2017-05-15 at 6:16 AM UTCYeah, thanks for bringing it up. I hadn't considered it before.
If I go through with it I'll probably have to talk to his teachers, get him a counselor of his own, etc. If anyone accuses me of foul play I'll just stay calm and roll my eyes. He'd be able to back me up too. I don't plan on abusing him.
The more I think about it, having a kid seems fun. It's a lot of work, but like DW said, it could be great too. I can teach him Russian, how to do a proper slav squat, and all sorts of cool shit. -
2017-05-15 at 6:26 AM UTCInteresting note: The only group who was found to have a net increase in happiness were those who were "child centric". The people who really devote their lives to their kids. And of course there's going to be a strong genetic predisposition that makes people that way. Although, even then, the median raise in happiness was pretty small.
It's something you really have to devote yourself to, and as a single parent, realistically, it will be hard as hell.
I have a ton of hard data/research to back up certain things that just makes raising kids seem depressing as hell. But I agreed to drop it out of courtesy, it's best if you don't know. -
2017-05-15 at 6:31 AM UTCHahahaha. Yeah, if I'm really going to dive into this, don't crush my hopes of it turning out well.
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2017-05-15 at 6:51 AM UTCI think adopting a kid out of an abusive situation would be a really noble thing to do. If you can take care of him properly, potentially saving the kids life is something really commendable IMO. It seems like a pretty big sacrifice, kids take up a lot of time and money, but if you think you can stick with it I think you should definitely do it.
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2017-05-15 at 10:22 AM UTCIt would be an amazing thing to do but consider that you're essentially devoting yourself to years of 24/7 charity work by taking that on. The kid deserves better than what he's got by the sound of it, and you seem like you'd be a good daddy, but like... well, it's one hell of a commitment to make. Whatever you do, I hope the kid turns out okay in the end. :(
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2017-05-16 at 4:20 AM UTCimma do it
