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i bought her flowers

  1. #1
    A College Professor victim of incest [your moreover breastless limestone]
    The man brought four cards, four boxes of candy and four vases of flowers up to the cashier for checkout. The cashier rolled her eyes when she saw his wedding band.

    So, the man told the cashier, "One set is for my mom because my dad passed away. He used to do this for her, and he taught me how to give love.

    "The next set is for my wife because she teaches me to treasure love.

    "The third set is for my daughter because it's up to me to teach her how she should be treated.

    "And you can keep the fourth set for yourself. I just wanted you to know that a man can show you love without wanting something in return. Have a blessed day."

    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  2. #2
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    The picture did it for me. I laffd.

    Thanks
  3. #3
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    A papa Wren flew to his nest full of baby 🐥 s, high high up in the trees, and said to his younglings, chirp chirp, chirp chirp chirp, cheep, cheep. This meant, I don't accept you, you should have been stillborns baby 🐥 s, please die. Then the papa Wren used his mighty beak to tip the nest over so the little 🐥 s would fall to their deaths.

    But, he was a massive retard who didn't consider the fact they were also birds, who could also fly. So they just flew away and laughed at him for being stupid.

    They came back to him many years later on Valentine's day when he was sitting naked cold and alone in a motel 6 rented out by the week, eating lukewarm tomato soup that had weird crumbs in it for some reason and playing his 82nd game of solitaire that day.

    Wait it was a bird. What am I talking about? Nevermind.
  4. #4
    Rape Monster Naturally Camouflaged
    Originally posted by mmQ A papa Wren flew to his nest full of baby 🐥 s, high high up in the trees, and said to his younglings, chirp chirp, chirp chirp chirp, cheep, cheep. This meant, I don't accept you, you should have been stillborns baby 🐥 s, please die. Then the papa Wren used his mighty beak to tip the nest over so the little 🐥 s would fall to their deaths.

    But, he was a massive retard who didn't consider the fact they were also birds, who could also fly. So they just flew away and laughed at him for being stupid.

    They came back to him many years later on Valentine's day when he was sitting naked cold and alone in a motel 6 rented out by the week, eating lukewarm tomato soup that had weird crumbs in it for some reason and playing his 82nd game of solitaire that day.

    Wait it was a bird. What am I talking about? Nevermind.

    then they shit loose diarrhea all over everything and flew headfirst into a fucking window
  5. #5
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Nope. They came back to him and he was in a nest by himself picking at a dead worm and they said Cheeeeeeeep. Cheep cheep chip chirp chep, which meant, we love and we forgive you, and they gave him four boxes of candy, four cards, and four bases of flowers and he said CHEEEEEEEEEEERPCHEEEPCHEPCHEPCHEPPEEEEEEP, which meant what the fuck am I gonna do with a fucking card and a box of candy you goddamn BUFFOONS?! I'm a bird!

    Then. He said come here my children I want to tell you a secret. And the little bird kids hopped to their papa Wren, and he said choop, which meant HAHA. Time to die. And he pinned them under his wings as he cleverly struck a match with his beak and burned them all alive.

    The end
  6. #6
    Rape Monster Naturally Camouflaged
    He burned all those chickens with one match?
  7. #7
    A College Professor victim of incest [your moreover breastless limestone]
    I had big plans for this thread oooo EEEEE oooo EEEEEEEEEE
  8. #8
    Ghost Black Hole
    Not my proudest fap but It will have to do
  9. #9
    card, candy and flowers...hardly original. Bitches love Target gift cards, remember that next time sonny.
  10. #10
    Kafka sweaty
    Last thing I got my ex for valentines was a card, teddybear, a mobile thing with angels dangling from it and flowers.
  11. #11
    Originally posted by Kafka Last thing I got my ex for valentines was a card, teddybear, a mobile thing with angels dangling from it and flowers.

    How demeaning to be bought childish plush toys...I remember dating a girl who would by them for me...what the fuck am I supposed to do with a fucking teddy bear other than use it as a dick wipe when I'm too lazy to go clean up after sex.
  12. #12
    Kafka sweaty
    Originally posted by Jiggaboo_Johnson How demeaning to be bought childish plush toys…I remember dating a girl who would by them for me…what the fuck am I supposed to do with a fucking teddy bear other than use it as a dick wipe when I'm too lazy to go clean up after sex.

    I think one teddybear is okay. I’d be p happy if someone got me one. Buying them for guys though is odd. I think it’s okay to buy guys flowers but that might just be me. I don’t like the thought of guys going their whole lives with no one giving them flowers.
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