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What are you thinking about....
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2022-04-13 at 6:48 AM UTC
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2022-04-13 at 6:54 AM UTC
Originally posted by Kafka I hate when people are vague -_-
I'm usually on low-level opioids, and whenever I stop I remember why I started doing it in the first place.
I'm always angry and have a hard time functioning day-to-day and can't stop thinking about doing things that most people would not approve of (not rapey things, more tear down the power grid things). -
2022-04-13 at 7:33 AM UTC
Originally posted by aldra I'm usually on low-level opioids, and whenever I stop I remember why I started doing it in the first place.
I'm always angry and have a hard time functioning day-to-day and can't stop thinking about doing things that most people would not approve of (not rapey things, more tear down the power grid things).
Why did you start doing them in the first place and what are you angry about specifically?
I used to have anger issues but it was just hormones I think, stopped when I got a contraceptive bar in my arm. -
2022-04-13 at 7:36 AM UTCI’d fr send letters to people and type up angry essaysThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2022-04-13 at 7:46 AM UTCare you religious? moreover, do you believe in an afterlife?
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2022-04-13 at 8:03 AM UTCYes and yes
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2022-04-13 at 8:05 AM UTCThe last time I was on zopiclone and it was still intense. That week was like:
Monday - My friend with a concussion on the run from her abusive boyfriend wanted to stay with me.
Tuesday - A balaclava I never ordered arrived in the post. It had my name on the package but I checked my emails and it wasn’t there.
Wednesday - I found out my dad was in hospital. I had to sit alone in a room with him and my rapist uncle whom made sexist comments to me, so I argued with him.
I’ve always been estranged from my dad’s family so their behaviour didn’t sit well with me. I was next of kin and an uncle suggested I shouldn’t be, when I’ve never had a conversation with him. My dad told me he wanted to be cremated, I told my aunt this but she went ahead and organised a funeral anyway. I wanted to stay in my dad’s house because he’d made up a room for me and I’d never stayed there once, my uncle was fine with giving me the keys but then estranged aunt told him not to. My sister shouted at me saying I was the only one who wanted him cremated and also said I couldn’t just sleep all day.
The day he died my mum was being a narcissist and wouldn’t get out of my way when I told her to, this was about two mins after I found out, so I hit her. Then she told my sister to phone the police. My sister didn’t but you can imagine the stress that would have caused. My mum also told me I couldn’t wear the black dress he bought me to the funeral, as if she had any say.
Day of the wake - My IRA aunt and uncle show up. This is the man who killed my dad’s friend, tried to kill his sister and suggested putting me in a psych ward because they’re twisted, tried putting a hand on my shoulder. There was a scene, my aunt accused him of putting a bomb under her car, so they left and didn’t show up at the funeral.
Day of the funeral - Someone who betrayed him showed up. It’s too long a story but this was the worst thing that happened all week. Afterward I went into the woods, drank beer and started talking to myself out loud for the first time in my life. Then I made up my mind to kill that person. Someone in a car stopped me and took me home.
I was okay after that, just stoned for two months. -
2022-04-13 at 8:07 AM UTC
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2022-04-13 at 9:23 AM UTC
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2022-04-13 at 9:26 AM UTC
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2022-04-13 at 9:32 AM UTCI read the satanic bible when I was 14 and that put me off all of it. Some of my friends were wiccan and it all seemed like the same bs and manipulation.
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2022-04-13 at 9:37 AM UTCI acc ran a Wicca coven during lockdown but it was just for mental health reasons and community.
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2022-04-13 at 9:40 AM UTCLaVey or Crowley?
both are goofy for different reasons -
2022-04-13 at 9:42 AM UTC
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2022-04-13 at 9:49 AM UTC
Originally posted by Kafka I have a strong aversion to religion.
what I meant to ask, though, is assuming you did believe in a God that cared about His creation, do you think that you could go to Heaven, be given the greatest reward, for simply playing by the rules in a world that already has one foot in Hell?
or does it make more sense that you should only be rewarded for thrashing against it with all your might; that those he loves most are the ones that fight hardest against it, diving into the fire headfirst for a chance to kick the devil's doors in.
if you don't like the religious imagery, what is a life of comfort worth in the end? do you believe in anything greater than yourself, and if so, how do you contribute to it?
is the world too far gone? after a certain point, don't you need purifying fire before you can think about rebuilding?
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2022-04-13 at 9:51 AM UTC
Originally posted by Kafka Read the LaVey one.
LaVeyan satanism is just edgy libertarianism, really. 'do what thou wilt'
Crowley more or less rebranded J'ewish mysticism (the q'abbalah) for the masses
I found ONA interesting becauase it's based on old-world alchemy (mostly Pymander's texts) but it's mostly just full of skinheads and edgelords -
2022-04-13 at 10:07 AM UTC
Originally posted by aldra what I meant to ask, though, is assuming you did believe in a God that cared about His creation, do you think that you could go to Heaven, be given the greatest reward, for simply playing by the rules in a world that already has one foot in Hell?
or does it make more sense that you should only be rewarded for thrashing against it with all your might; that those he loves most are the ones that fight hardest against it, diving into the fire headfirst for a chance to kick the devil's doors in.
if you don't like the religious imagery, what is a life of comfort worth in the end? do you believe in anything greater than yourself, and if so, how do you contribute to it?
is the world too far gone? after a certain point, don't you need purifying fire before you can think about rebuilding?
Idk if I can answer all of that, let’s see.
1. I always doubted, remember when I prayed I said “if you’re real then please do this and that”. I will never worship a man.
2. My mum told me I’d go to hell if I swore, so I started swearing then didn’t care about anything I did after that, thought I was going to hell anyway.
3. I don’t see being good and following rules as the same thing so can’t answer that question.
4. I don’t believe in karma either, I don’t see how some external force can decide what is right or wrong when it’s humans who have to decide that first.
5. I do believe there’s something godlike within myself, the voice behind my ego. Sometimes I try to channel it but it’s effort. I’m not sure about anything else.
6. I don’t know what you mean by being far gone or if you’re even serious. I’ve had so much Monster. I see people being killed as the earth giving itself a haircut. -
2022-04-13 at 10:14 AM UTC
Originally posted by Kafka 5. I do believe there’s something godlike within myself, the voice behind my ego. Sometimes I try to channel it but it’s effort. I’m not sure about anything else.
6. I don’t know what you mean by being far gone or if you’re even serious. I’ve had so much Monster. I see people being killed as the earth giving itself a haircut.
this is what I'm getting at. it's easy to see things from a nihilistic perspective, but don't you think we're capable of more? that we're betraying ourselves by not actualising it?
culturally, there's an aspiration to greatness that we seem to have lost a long time ago. -
2022-04-13 at 10:22 AM UTC
Originally posted by aldra this is what I'm getting at. it's easy to see things from a nihilistic perspective, but don't you think we're capable of more? that we're betraying ourselves by not actualising it?
culturally, there's an aspiration to greatness that we seem to have lost a long time ago.
I don’t know what greatness you’re talking about, heaven on earth?
I don’t believe in potential until after the thing has been achieved.
What I meant about the voice behind my ego, I think everyone could have it and so someone godlike can exist but for me it’s brief. I’m trying to talk with it more though. -
2022-04-13 at 10:49 AM UTCI'm talking about McDonalds being built on the ruins of ancient monuments
kids wanting to be instagram sluts, youtubers or Dan fucking Bilzerian when they grow up
people who would rather call the police than return fire
