2022-01-25 at 4:59 PM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
Well as most of you know I'm a filthy junkie and although I've been on da box for a few months, I did pills the last 2 days, then this morning elected to go as long as I could without taking anything. My plan was to go pick up an overnight bag for someone who had been admitted to the hospital and as I drove towards the house where the bag was kept I felt a rumbling in my belly that I figured could wait until I arrived. Well as I got to their subdivision I remembered it was full of NEWLY INSTALLED SPEED BUMPS which are clearly designed to facilitate pants shitting. As I hit the bottom of the third bump I knew I was done for and like a thumb over a high pressure garden hose I squirted HARD on the one day of my life I wear boxers instead of boxer briefs. I turned down a side street, hopped out and fired a steamy pile of sloppy refuse into the snow, in full view of several houses and cars driving by, then wiped with some strategically placed napkins and proceeded to the house when I realized I was missing my phone so I headed back, examined the huge pile of elephant looking shit, realized it was on the floor of the car then went to the house
When I got there I saw there were more people than I wanted to be there so I ran inside, mumbled an excuse about needed a shower and wiped my pants and boxers as well as I could with water (essentially soaking them) before taking a shower, grabbing the bag and heading out. I stopped at a store and bought a new outfit with boxers and socks and then when I was 5 minutes from the hospital the patient called me and said they were being discharged. Basically a "curb your enthusiasm" type pants shit. First of my adult life I believe. Ask me anything poppy pants or otherwise related
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2022-01-25 at 6:26 PM UTC
Adult diapers are a thing, you know. Strap one on and you'll be good to go.
2022-01-25 at 6:28 PM UTC
tee hee hee
Naturally Camouflaged
[slangily complete this slumberer]
Can someone rate the grossness level on a 1-10 scale before i read sudo's story?
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2022-01-25 at 6:34 PM UTC
Scruffy bastard kept his soiled underwear.
2022-01-25 at 6:38 PM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo
I realized I was missing my phone so I headed back, examined the huge pile of elephant looking shit
If anyone was watching, it probably looked like you went back just to admire your poo.
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2022-01-25 at 6:48 PM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
Originally posted by Donald Trump
If anyone was watching, it probably looked like you went back just to admire your poo.
There was actually someone walking towards me up ahead at the time. They definitely saw me got out then saw the napkins and fecal extraction when they walked up and probably thought just that. "If I took a shit like that I would come back to admire it too"
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2022-01-25 at 6:50 PM UTC
Next time say..."Can you believe it, I sat on a baby ruth!" to any oglers.
