2021-12-20 at 6:33 PM UTC
So I'm on a bunch of medication for my arthritis namely;
Humira
Methotrexate
Folic Acid
and effexxor
I have been trying to get 30 ambien a month & klonapin
When I don't drink, I have really bad anxiety. Not like anxiety attacks (though that does happen sometimes) but an overall feeling of dread, coupled with depression and trying to do my best to be a good person this shit is really difficult for me.
My goals as recently a month ago were to go back to Uw-Milwaukee, quit drinking and get back on my medication while tryin to come up on a car to share with my girlfriend.
She's now my ex girlfriend, i live 30 miles away from the university and today's the first day i haven't drank. I live with my mom again and I have an interview in two and a half hours. I'm sweating like a motherfucker and my mom wants me to get rid of my fish tanks cuz they all died while i was out fucking off in Milwaukee for the last six months.
I don't have any friends in my home town anymore, all of them have moved away or become successful or died. :/ I am talking to this beautiful black girl I went to school with and i'm kinda interested in her but she lives in Fairfax working for the US Navy. I jerk off to her photos a lot and we make small talk everyday, that provides me a small amount of happiness.
I'm back on my meds which is how i can function to work, but i can't drink on them or there's an issue my liver will shit out. I'm not very scared of that as I don't really fear death but i really would like to not be on dialysis or like be told that I have to get off my arthritis medication because i've destroyed my liver.
I don't know how I went 3 1/2 years without drinking (2016-2019) but i'm hoping getting this job will help me stay sober.
I have to go to jail in 3 weeks for a crime i didn't do, only like 34 days but FUCK MAN I hate my life and it's so fucking cold here. I want to go somewhere south like Florida and fish all year round.
I could be in Florida right now with a bobber and worm in the Gulf of Mexico with an attractive cuban person teaching me spanish.
I could work at a call center!
There's so much potential for me there, IDK where fairfax is but if she's in the Navy there's probably water around where she stays at, I could fish there too.
Eitherway, I hate that it's below freezing, i'm sweating cuz of withdrawal, I have to walk the 3 miles in the cold wind to get interviewed and honestly, I wish I had some weed & pussy but realistically I have 28$ to my name and i have to get my mom a christmas present.
Fuck my fucking life. Thank you for hearing my bullshit and I appreciate any constructive criticism or honestly feedback.
The one silver lining is I'm pretty sure I'm getting the job even if it only starts at part time.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2021-12-20 at 7:05 PM UTC
I got to effexor and had a flash back.
2021-12-20 at 7:18 PM UTC
150mg for the last five years.
2021-12-20 at 7:21 PM UTC
STER0S
Space Nigga
[the disappointingly unanticipated slab]
what the fuck kind of a psych doc. who wants to remain reptuable doesnt at the least prescribe clonazepam
2021-12-20 at 7:27 PM UTC
Not a psyche doctor, I only have one specialist (my rheumatologist)
then my primary (who I see tomorrow)
My rheumy won't perscribe anything outside of rheumatic drugs
My primary wants me to go to a professional psychiatrist but I don't want to have anyone else in my head.
My last psychiatrist and I fell in love until I got out of prison and it dawned on me it was just an in prison thing they did and I was haha-hehe-ed again.
Honestly I would say it was like I got molested again but because I had a raging erection everytime I think its just a case of someone using me for sex while emotionally manipulating me by making me fall in love. Which I'm really OK with cuz let's be honest, I was too stupid to recognize predatory behavior by a staff member while incarcerated and i enjoyed myself till my heart was broken upon release.
2021-12-20 at 7:36 PM UTC
STER0S
Space Nigga
[the disappointingly unanticipated slab]
with your molestation stories you'd be a perfect candidate for benzodiazepines if you cut out the drinking.
ultimately you're going to have to go with a psychiatrist if you want benzodiazepines long-term.
2021-12-20 at 7:48 PM UTC
It's much harder to get benzos in the US now and even harder to get them long term.
2021-12-20 at 7:51 PM UTC
They gave me hydroaxxalin and then some lower blood pressure pill
the hydroxalin was OK but i had to take 3 of them at a time and i'd feel calm, i never fucked with the blood pressure one cuz that sounds retarded to take an hour before stressful situations, fuck that id rather just chew 3 of them hydroxy things and feel a little bit better in twenty minutes.
It's worse when I'm not drinking and then tapers off. Basically i wanted to keep telling my doctor everything didn't work until she put me on 1mg of like lorazapam or some shit and then wait 3-6 months and tell her my life is worse now and i need 2 1mg pills a day type shit.
I gave up on trying to get adderall 5 years ago, but it hink the benzos would definitely help me out in life.
2021-12-20 at 7:53 PM UTC
lol alcohol is such a shit drug. I have no idea how someone could be addicted to it. Me being hung over the next day is enough to keep me from drinking for a week or 2...how do you people drink every day? Do you not get hung over?
2021-12-20 at 8:10 PM UTC
Drink a drink when you wake up and you won't be hungover until you go 14 hours without drinking, at which point you sweat and feel really shitty and anxious.
2021-12-20 at 8:17 PM UTC
I felt really negative and depressed earlier and i smoked a bowl of THC8 it's basically the new shitty version of CBD and I feel alot better, 45 minutes till my interview so i'mma get walking. Bonus it's only 2 miles away, not 3 and my mom is gonna pick me up when she gets off work.
Probably gonnfa buy a 4 pack and shit post if i don't start working immediately.
I really need to get my bicycle back working too but I'll suck that cock when I get to it.
2021-12-21 at 1:04 AM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
I'm sorry I'm driving and unfocused so I didn't make it very far but will read your thread later, I just wanted to tell you to get off effexor because it will kill you and interacts with benzos and there are better mood stabilizers
2021-12-23 at 5:17 PM UTC
benzos are the easiest fuckin drugs to get off the street or off the clearnet, i can literally google klonapins right now, click any random site that pops up, pay with paypal and receive it next week, its easier than getting fucking weed.
when my doc tried to be cute by abruptly stopping my prescription out of nowhere, i procured 100 of them overnight and told him to go fuck himself.
2021-12-23 at 7:55 PM UTC
how much was 100 and will u pm me a site, since you know after 4500 posts i'm not the police
