2021-08-08 at 12:03 AM UTC
Some of you might remember that I hate 3 things.
jedis
Mosquitos
And those fat fucking chirping birds that always sit on the same spot on my neighbors roof doing the same fucking scream instead of singing any songs "RAH! RAH! RAH! RAH! RAH! RAH!" Fuck that.
This story is about number two. The mosquito. Well, I had one. A real juicy fucker buzzing around my head when I wanted to sleep. It was pissing me the fuck off. Big time. And you might also remember that I have a thing for hyperbole and being dramatic. Pretty sure you do. So, I was laying there trying to sleep, right? And then there it is "bzzzzzzzzzzz"bzzzzzzzzzz"bzzzzzzzz". No. I don't accept it. So I got up and tried to hunt it down but it went full trb3 stealth mode on me and I gave up and went back to bed. " bzzzzzzzz"bzzzzzzzzzz"bzzzzzzz. FUCK. So, I'm laying there and I can't take it anymore and I go fucking crazy and in my head I start talking to God and I say "I would rather have anything else in my room right now than this fucking thing. Anything. Give me a demon or whatever you want. Just get rid of that fucking mosquito for me" and I decided to get up again and for whatever reason, I kinda forgot, take a hot shower. Ahh yes, I remember why. I decided to spray some bug spray, actual hornet killer, into my bedroom to holocaust the motherfucker. That is crucial to the story.
So I spray the stuff and go take a shower and when I walk out of my bathroom I hear a CRAZY loud buzz. "BZZZZZZZZZ" BZZZZZZZZ"BZZZZZZZZZ" Jesus... What's going on?
I open the door to my bedroom and bang. There are dozens of fat fucking flies buzzing around in a drugged up frency. DOZENS. I look around and see the most of them around my window and realized they came in through a slit on the blinds, I guess you call it the blinds. The thing you can roll up to not get any light through the window. Turns out they all got in there to hibernate or something and there was some kind of crack in the wall where they all went in and basically, I had the walls full of fucking flies and now the hornet killer fully kicks in and they are coming out of every little crack and slit I had in the walls like in a fucking horror movie. I'm not kidding you. The dozens turned into hundreds and they are coming out EVERYWHERE! Everything is full of flies. They are swirling around and buzzing on the floor on their back while struggling with the poison. WHAT THE FUCK. I took a broom and swooped them all together but they kept coming and I even heard the buzzing change the sound with every step I took so I realized they are also in the floor. Oh God no.
It was a nightmare and that's how I accepted that God is real and to not fuck with him because he gave me what I asked for. "Anything. Give me a demon or whatever you want". Like the hebrews with the raining frogs and locusts.. God gave me those flies. And I'm glad he did. Thank you for reading. God bless.
2021-08-08 at 12:47 AM UTC
God called your bluff and sent Beelzebub.
2021-08-08 at 1:08 AM UTC
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
