I got to admit that Chell has been really going above and beyond this past week doing all the things she used to do back when we first met.
She has done a 180 and is going out and about and making time for herself like she use to.
I'm impressed.
She is even doing really nice things for me like making my lunches and cooking me dinner which is not something I would expect a woman to do for me while I am also talking to another woman right in front of her.
The other girl I am talking to is all upset tonight because her husband was looking at her phone while she was trying to put their child to bed and I guess he probably found out about me and they sort of got into it and she started telling me how he wants every other weekend with the baby or he wont sign the divorce papers.
She said she wasn't ready to spend 1 night without her child.
I feel bad that she is going through all of this but my response sided more with her husband than her.
This is what I said.
"While I support your motherly instinct and intent to protect your child I can not support you keeping him out of her life all together just because you two don't get along anymore. I know there is a lot to the story I don't know but unless he is actively using or abusing I don't think its right to take his child from him anymore than it is right that he tries to take her from you. Both of you have a common denominator in "the child" and that will always be.
If you don't trust him to care for her then take action to protect her.
I can 100% get behind you on that but if the man is trying then you have to give him a chance, not so much for him but for her."
Now I get that she is worked up and in a defensive mood but in no fucking way will I ever agree that keeping a child from his/her father out of spite is an honorable thing to ever do.
If the kid's dad is a piece of shit then let the kid decide that for themselves.
There are circumstances where I would agree on full custody for one parent but unless the kid is in danger or can not be cared for by the parent whom custody is being taken from I just don't think it is right.
In Ohio the courts are all too willing to side with the woman and that puts great strain on the fathers who are just trying to be dads.
A divorce that involves a child is the hardest on the child. Fuck the parents and their feelings.
I stand my ground on this.
She quit messaging me after I told her this and that is okay because Im not trying to deal with an emotional train wreck that I don't have any business with.
If I knew both sides of the story I might feel different but I only know what she has told me.
Now, back to Chell.
She has been doing a lot lately and I have noticed.
I haven't said much or even tried to make things better on my end because Im lazy and don't really want to change who I am.
The stress of trying to break up with her caused me to take up extra work just to be out of the house.
With the housing market the way it is, it isn't looking like there will be much chance of either of us finding a new place to live.
I am okay with having her as a room mate. She is being a real friend to me lately and Im hesitant to return the favor because Im unsure if I really want to go back to being serious with her out of fear that everything will just repeat and it will be even harder to break up later.
Right now I think the best thing I can do is go find a third woman to bring into the picture so I can have someone sensible to talk too that knows nothing about me or my horrible decisions.
(just kiddingz)
Honestly, I want to work on myself as I haven't made any big changes in my life in ever and I would like to make my life easier.
I don't feel as though Im much help to anyone unless I can find a way to first help myself.
I tried switching jobs but at the end of the day even if I find something that pays a little more, it is just a little more and I will still hate going to work everyday.
Im no genius and can't expect to just make a million dollars on tik tok like a 12 year old.
This past week has been a real breath of fresh air when it comes to getting the chance to help my old friend flip a house and I really enjoyed getting to help him out. I like doing construction and I like seeing results which I don't get to see doing stupid ass factory work that is just the same thing day after day.
Right now as I type this I more than ever just really want to be able to focus on myself without having to worry about how it affects anyone else.
Maybe that is selfish but I am already in kind of deep and it seems like as good a time as any to pursue new venture and try new things that I may have been putting off for too long.
Granted it might not be as fun to go out and do it alone I don't want to drag someone along just for company.
I have no idea what my future holds and at this point I am just taking it one day at a time not making any plans.
Brainstorming is quite easy for me but putting things into practice is scary and Im not much for putting the petal to new metal.
Perhaps I should be focusing on some goals.
I have no idea what I am doing right now.
I just want everyone in my life to be happy and I don't know what to do.
I hope you are all doing well and I miss talking to you everyday.
Please take care and stay tuned for more.
Thanks for reading.
<3
Fona
2021-06-09 at 2:09 AM UTC
Stop focusing on other people. Set some goals and make small steps to accomplish them. The bitch with a baby is using you and she will continue to do so if you give her any attention. The only reason chell is doing those nice things for you is because she wants something from you. If she started doing those nice things for you and there was no problems between both of you than I would say she's a good person. However she is doing nice things for you because she realizes that she could lose you and she will definitely never do better.
I remember a few years ago zoklet i talked with you on the phone. Id consider it again if you want advice about how to get your shit together. Ive done everything myself with little to no help from anyone so i know a little about stress and how to get shit done.
Just remember you are number 1, nobody else
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2021-06-09 at 2:12 AM UTC
POLECAT
POLECAT is a motherfucking ferret
[my presentably immunised ammonification]
HOW DID CHELLS DATE GO THE OTHER NIGHT?
2021-06-09 at 3:54 AM UTC
A female w/ a kid is just the extra burden you need in an already messy life. Not mention any mother who wants you to be in that equation has to be fucked in the head.
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2021-06-09 at 5:09 AM UTC
Fona. Im sorry I said Chell was too old. I mean, I just meant you being in your 20s, you should roll on out to California. save a few grand. Like 3k or more.
lease a car. put 1500 down. tell the dealer You only have 1500. and that you want to lease an HRV (probably like 300 a month)
you can sleep in it, get a delivery ap and insurance and just do deliveries all day. don't just do one app.. jungle them. do food during food rush because of surges. go to LAX or Burbank and drive people wherever. Uber announced it is paying 40 percent more per rides. things are picking up. people have the infrastructure to get back to work and demands are high. Be a beach bum. grow your hair out a little bit. sleep in till 11am if you don't want to do morning rushes, or get up at 5. do a quick wipe down and rent a "Rent a space" for 50 bucks. just to stick your shit in like clothes. make sure you wash a blanket in your car. make it look like its for covering shit. put your pillow where the tire is in a thick plastic bag.
then as you're doing this, just keep applying for a union job. like check Long Beach and work at a pier. get into a Union. stay in LA. you're fucking young. stay simple. laid back. no one will know if you're goofy or not by just being chill. girls might like your monotone voice.
