So yesterday I decide to skip work because its
halloween and I spent this time last year doing a tail spin on meth so I decided to take a day off and chill to reflect upon my life.
I went to the corner store for a pack of smokes and LOW AND BEHOLD Guess who I run in to?. THE HOOKER WHO GOT ME METH FROM JUNE!. She was wearing a witch costume, I think. She had the witch hat, stockings and wasn't wearing much clothes for a chilly raining october day.
She recognized me and said hello, I asked what she was doing and she said waiting to score. I'm like oh shit what are you scoring. She said H. I said trick or treat lets fucking party.
The dealer pulls up in a drop top six and we park behind a warehouse a few blocks away. He pulls out some baggies and he's talking a million miles an hour about fent and oxy and shootings and tar and meth and I'm like HOLD ON A MINUTE, Can I get some meth?. So the dude says "CAN YOU GET SOME METH?" and steps on the gas and says "We're going to THE FUCKING COOK right now pal" I'm like oh shit what.
So we arrive at an old folks home and the hooker does a shot of H in the parking lot while we go inside to score from the "cook". The "cook" is actually an 80 year old grandma that has syringes all over her coffee table. I'm thinking this lady is senile and maybe her son is using her place as a trap house. She offers me a
home cooked halloween cupcake and I don't really feel like eating but I accept to be nice to the old lady and I'm eating it and shes like "Do you like it?", "is it good". I'm like yeah tastes okay whatever. She looks at me in the eye and says "Theres meth in those muffins" and does this old lady cackle and leaves the room while the dealer guy is loading up a syringe.
He wants to inject me to prove I'm not a cop, I have never done IV drugs in my life and I sorta just want to get my drugs and leave but he INSISTS I let him inject me. I asked if it was a clean spike and he said no. I said "Fuck man, I only smoke I dont shoot"
The old lady peers her head into the room and yells "WHAT!?". The dealer is looking at me equally disgusted. "SMOKE?!" "YOU CAN"T SMOKE METH YOU CAN ONLY SHOOT IT!!!"
He weighs me out a quick bag, shorts me a few points then tells me to get the fuck out and never come back.
I went back for the hooker but she was passed out in the car and didn't respond to me knocking on the window.
So now I have this bag of meth in my pocket and I'm walking home.
Now, there is a legend around these parts of a
[SIZE=26px]"great meth pipe"[/SIZE] thats custom heavy duty pyrex hand blown in a superlab.
I hear legends that the owner of the pipe had mystical powers and people pay hundreds of dollars just to use it for one single hit.
But along my travels I realize I gotta do some of this meth. I stop a local thrift store to browse costumes and snort meth in the bathroom.
I pull out the bag to take a closer look and FUCK... its
halloween meth…
Trick or treat INDEED. It tasted like candy corn when snorted.
So now I'm high on meth looking for costumes and I find a gorilla suit. And then it hits me. THAT FUCKING OLD GRANDMA RIPPED ME OFF FOR A FEW POINTS IM FUCKING GOING BACK. I will don the gorilla suit and pretend to be a trick or treater and when they aren't looking grab the sack of meth and tray of muffins and run for my life.
The only problem is, The front desk people at the old folks home aren't too keen about letting a guy high on meth in a gorilla suit into an old folks home. I did the only thing that made sense. I started pounding on my chest and knocked a potted plant to the ground and went "OOOH OOOH OOH" and pretended to be a real gorilla. I think they bought it because everyone freaked out and ran off.
I get to the old ladys door I remember the number 5640 and I bang on it menacingly because I'm still in ape-mode. THE HOOKER ANSWERS! and her pupils are huge. Oh shit. And the place is PACKED with people and theres strobe lights and music going. I walk in and LO AND BEHOLD.
THE GREAT METH PIPE IS BEING LIT BY THIS BUCK NAKED OLD MAN!!. I get on my knees and say "OH GREAT METH PIPE I KNEW YOU WERE REAL!!". The old man says "Is that fucking gorilla worshipping my pipe?" and goes back to melting down the contents inside the crucible.
I empty out the contents of my wallet and ask the naked old man for a hit off the great meth pipe. He accepts my offer and dumps my entire 50 sack inside the bowl and hands me a blow torch. THIS IS IT. But all the sudden the door is kicked in by some dudes around my age, maybe even younger.
They are dressed up in clown makeup and they have lots of beer, like a case on each arm. One of them slams all the booze on the table and pulls out a baggie.
"I GOT AN OUNCE OF GRASS!"
The other guy in clown makeup pulls out a bag and shouts out
"I GOT SOME H!".
"Yo charlie what did you get?"
The 3rd clown makeup guy says
"I got a rock.."
Then pulls out the BIGGEST CRACK ROCK I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE out of a jack o lantern trick or treat bag. It must have been the size of my fist.
Everyone drops the needles and meth gear and pulls out pyrex shooters for crack smoking. Brillo is being cut, the hoooker is on her knees. This party is going wild.
Then all the sudden a guy wearing a sombrero who was mixing records on a turntable pulls a pistol from his poncho and aims it at the guy holding the crack rock.
The clown guys all pull guns too. It's now a mexican stand off between a large sack of meth, a giant meth pipe and a massive crack rock in the middle.
Then it happens. *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* three knocks and a KICK. The SWAT team or local police must have been tipped off from my gorilla suit antics.
Everyone is tackled to the ground, cuffed, beaten and tased but as one of the arresting officer is trying to cuff me I nudge the coffee table and the
GREAT METH PIPE rolls off and smashes on the ground into a million pieces. Everyone in the room stands up and shrieks "NOOOOO!!!!!" as the cops try to pin them down.
Now the entire local drug community wants me dead for smashing the great meth pipe and showing up to a gang house in a gorilla suit and getting the police called. That was my halloween how was yours?.
