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You´re stupidest Joke
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2021-04-07 at 3:32 AM UTCA friend tried to give me a rabbits foot for good luck once. ¨Rabbits Foot¨ I said to him as he handed it to me. How much luck can it give you if it wasnt good for the rabbit it came from.
now explain the punch line.
Because the rabbit was killed for its wittle wabbit body parts -
2021-04-07 at 3:35 AM UTCHey Kal, serious question why are you using this weird accent looking thing instead of an apostrophe?
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2021-04-07 at 3:39 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sophie Hey Kal, serious question why are you using this weird accent looking thing instead of an apostrophe?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaeresis_(diacritic) -
2021-04-07 at 3:43 AM UTCIt's 1988. A Warsaw man is sent off to the store by his wife to bring home some ham. Naturally the queue goes on for miles and when he finally gets to the counter, all the shelves are bare.
He loses his temper. "I'm sick of this stupid country, sick of this government, sick of the communists!"
Suddenly a shadowy-looking man in a trenchcoat approaches him and says "Calm down, comrade. You remember what this sort of outburst would cause back in the bad old days..." and mimes a trigger being pulled against his temple.
Back home, the man's wife looks at him returning empty-handed and asks, "They're out of ham again?"
"It's worse than that. They're even out of bullets." -
2021-04-07 at 3:44 AM UTCIn Soviet Russia there was a farmer who managed to save enough money to purchase a car of his own. He made the journey to the local distributor of automobiles and waited his turn in queue.
When he reached the counter the official told him, "Ok, you can come back to pick up your new car," the official ran his finger down a list, "you can pick up your car ten years from tomorrow."
The farmer asked, "Morning or afternoon?" The official replied, "What do you care, it's ten years from now?"
The farmer replied, "Well the plumber is coming in the afternoon."The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2021-04-07 at 3:46 AM UTCA Russian general attends some American Army exercises as part of detente. He boasts to the Americans that his soldiers thrive on 2000 calories a day. The Americans reply that their soldiers consume 3000 a day. "Nonsense", the general replies. "No One can eat that many potatoes!"
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2021-04-07 at 3:49 AM UTCIn the late 1980s, a man is waiting for the train in Europe. Another fellow, strugging with two large and heavy briefcases, arrives on the platform and sets them down with a sigh. He checks his watch, a golden, glittery thing, with a cable running into one of the briefcases.
Curious, the first man asks the time. The reply comes in a thick Russian accent: "Is 7:02 AM, and train is four minutes late."
"How do you know?"
"Watch tells me. It also tells me that sun rises at 7:12, and sets at 4:54. Moon is full in three days. Moscow is that way," he finished, pointing firmly to his left.
"That's a fine watch you have there!"
"Is product of superior Soviet technology!"
The train pulls up, and the Russian fellow grunts as he once more lifts his briefcases.
"Those look heavy.. what are they?"
"Batteries." -
2021-04-07 at 3:50 AM UTC
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2021-04-07 at 3:52 AM UTC"Comrade Stalin, do you collect anything?"
"Yes, I collect jokes about myself."
"How many do you have?"
"Enough to fill three prison camps." -
2021-04-07 at 3:53 AM UTCOK Donald. thank you for these wonderful terrible jokes of yours. mainly Soviet based but still in the right format of crappy joke tellingThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2021-04-07 at 3:54 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sophie Hey Kal, serious question why are you using this weird accent looking thing instead of an apostrophe?
"Can I tell you a TCP joke?" "Please tell me a TCP joke." "OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke."
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I'd tell you a UDP joke but you wouldn't get it.
...
The problem with TCP jokes is that people keep retelling them slower until you get them -
2021-04-07 at 3:55 AM UTCWhy did the anarchist drink herbal tea?
Because proper tea is theft -
2021-04-07 at 3:56 AM UTC
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2021-04-07 at 3:58 AM UTCOnce I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a jedi?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too!
"Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too!
"What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
"Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
"Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
"Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!
"Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over. -
2021-04-07 at 3:59 AM UTC
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2021-04-07 at 3:59 AM UTCAn eccentric billionaire asked a biologist, an engineer, and a physicist to design the world's fastest racehorse.
When the billionaire asked the biologist to show him the horse he had created, he showed a surgically altered and genetically enhanced superhorse.
When the billionaire asked the engineer to show him the horse he had created, he showed a horse fitted out with wheels and rocket engines.
When the billionaire asked the physicist to show him the horse he had created, he said, "OK, imagine a spherical horse in a vacuum...." -
2021-04-07 at 4 AM UTC
Originally posted by Donald Trump Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a jedi?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too!
"Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too!
"What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
"Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
"Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
"Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!
"Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
that was kind of predictable.. in a very long route but predictable.
Now let the other NIS children have a go. -
2021-04-07 at 4:04 AM UTC
Originally posted by Donald Trump An eccentric billionaire asked a biologist, an engineer, and a physicist to design the world's fastest racehorse.
When the billionaire asked the biologist to show him the horse he had created, he showed a surgically altered and genetically enhanced superhorse.
When the billionaire asked the engineer to show him the horse he had created, he showed a horse fitted out with wheels and rocket engines.
When the billionaire asked the physicist to show him the horse he had created, he said, "OK, imagine a spherical horse in a vacuum…."
Even Vinny Laughed
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2021-04-07 at 4:09 AM UTCThree logicians are sitting in a restaurant. The waitress asks “is everyone having coffee?”
The first logician says, “I don’t know.”
The second logician says, “I don’t know.”
The third logician says, “Yes.” -
2021-04-07 at 4:53 AM UTCA French, a German and an Italian spy are captured one day.
The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair.They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.
The captors then grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.
They then grabbed the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.4 hours go by and the spy isn’t talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell.
The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk.
The Italian spy says, ” I wanted to, but I couldn’t move my hands.”The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
