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dissociative personality states
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2020-08-10 at 10:51 PM UTCOne of mine who I've come to know well found Totse and signed us up. He may be the most powerful among us. He has a practiced sense of dark but subtle humor, and his personality seems to correspond with that of a trickster archetype. He taught me to do drugs, seduce women, and use the word "nigger".
He likes me on amphetamines and cannabis so that he can more easily occupy the seat of consciousness (either alongside me or instead of), and he's been working our psychiatrist toward further control of the body in this way. He's a long-term planner, and I always wonder if his objectives see him crossing me.
I'm not sure what motivates him apart from sheer amusement, but once in a while, he administers a kind of procedure or technology that he calls "putting a fishbowl on my head" and it dulls my ability to sense internally. I don't know what level of offense to call this, but others will reverse it for me if I ask.
Lately, I feel more of him than of myself, and it's been difficult getting used to. My capacity to choose with the body has been reduced. I see through his eyes, and familiarity escapes me. At the same time, I benefit from his perspective. His consciousness is as sophisticated as mine, and we have different strengths.
Ultimately I would enjoy a partnership between us, which I think is possible now that we've matured somewhat. It's hard having all this go on in a fourteen-year-old body, but free pornography helps and Jeffrey Epstein never hurt a fly; we live in a sick country that murders handsome, clever, successful white men so it can wear their skin. Irredeemable, all of you who participate. There will be riots, I promise. I insist.
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2020-08-10 at 10:54 PM UTCBrb , toxifying my peenile glandThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-08-10 at 11 PM UTCI have many thoughts about the ‘third eye’ but there’s nothing remotely spiritual about this phenomenon (aside from the task of generating its meaning) and I assure you, this is being dealt with in the realm of psychiatry.
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2020-08-11 at 12:10 AM UTCIs this alter ego of yours, perhaps, some kind of spiritual manifestation of one David Duchovny?
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2020-08-11 at 1:26 AM UTCI wouldn’t say he’s either of those things. He’s an especially large fragment of a whole personality, as am I. I'm certain there must be one who looks like David (this is not uncommon), but I haven't met everybody yet.
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2020-08-11 at 1:37 AM UTCHow can familiarity escape you through his eyes of it's a manifestation of yourself? Bridge the gap and you will learn to understand it and yourself better.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-08-11 at 3:15 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo How can familiarity escape you through his eyes of it's a manifestation of yourself? Bridge the gap and you will learn to understand it and yourself better.
Bicameral mind yada yada the conflict between the thinker and the experiencer despite both being the self long story short OP is a homunculus: confirmed. -
2020-08-11 at 4:25 PM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo How can familiarity escape you through his eyes of it's a manifestation of yourself? Bridge the gap and you will learn to understand it and yourself better.
Manifestation, no. Think of him more like a separate fragment which has differentiated itself. This is what distinguishes DID from other dissociative disorders. Don't presume a core self from which others emanate.
He’s seeing through my eyes at 75%, I'm seeing through them at 25%, I'm receiving mostly his visual impression on top of some of mine. Vision will be monochromatic by degrees according to how dissociated I am, features on the face become more or less prominent depending on who’s looking, physically I may feel out of proportion because the principal occupant (the one furthest forward) has their own spatial self-concept which doesn’t necessarily correspond to our body.
In theory, though, you may be right. I believe that some of this will improve as I learn more about my dissociation. Surprising to me has been that just by putting forth some effort in this way results in improved systemic communication and reduced dissociative barriers. They're handing me these ancient memories I'd banished long ago that they don't want to hold anymore because they're radioactive and, consequently, I'm figuring out why things had to be this way.
The more I come to understand, the more they're willing to talk to me and the less I feel like I'm sharing a room with thirty strangers.
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2020-08-11 at 4:41 PM UTCDo u guise like Karen
*calls Karen* -
2020-08-11 at 4:43 PM UTCThis sounds very appealing. Where do I sign up?
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2020-08-11 at 5:20 PM UTCTo the best of my knowledge, it’s too late for you to get your own dissociative personality states. This thread could be the closest you’ll ever get. That shouldn't stop you from seeking out major trauma, though, just in case.
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2020-08-12 at 3:26 AM UTC
Originally posted by Zanick Manifestation, no. Think of him more like a separate fragment which has differentiated itself. This is what distinguishes DID from other dissociative disorders. Don't presume a core self from which others emanate.
He’s seeing through my eyes at 75%, I'm seeing through them at 25%, I'm receiving mostly his visual impression on top of some of mine. Vision will be monochromatic by degrees according to how dissociated I am, features on the face become more or less prominent depending on who’s looking, physically I may feel out of proportion because the principal occupant (the one furthest forward) has their own spatial self-concept which doesn’t necessarily correspond to our body.
In theory, though, you may be right. I believe that some of this will improve as I learn more about my dissociation. Surprising to me has been that just by putting forth some effort in this way results in improved systemic communication and reduced dissociative barriers. They're handing me these ancient memories I'd banished long ago that they don't want to hold anymore because they're radioactive and, consequently, I'm figuring out why things had to be this way.
The more I come to understand, the more they're willing to talk to me and the less I feel like I'm sharing a room with thirty strangers.
Wow, so how can you tell what's yours and whats his? I imagine that would take quite a bit of trial and error, figuring out what is what. What makes it his and what makes yours yours?
I imagine "things had to be this way" because it's a coping tool, duh, I know, but if your tool takes on a life of its own it becomes a machine you made yourself and can get away from you. All I'm saying is I hope it can be used to your benefit in a court of law someday. I'm here to help, feel free to bounce anything off me, I'll re read your posts ITT again later when I can focus better -
2020-08-12 at 4:43 PM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo Wow, so how can you tell what's yours and whats his? I imagine that would take quite a bit of trial and error, figuring out what is what. What makes it his and what makes yours yours?
You have excellent questions! It does require a lot of trial and error, figuring out what comes from whom. Internal monologue reveals them, in which there are multiples participating when I listen properly. I can identify when something was slipped in from someone else. Generally, the thought jumps out at me loudly apart from the rest, has no context, may or may not have a vocal quality different from my own, and addresses me in the second person. I get better at recognizing this every day.
For those familiar to me, I can sometimes sense a kind of ‘signature’ that tells me intuitively when they’re near to my consciousness. The nearer they get, the more spacey and tingly I feel, and the harder it is to recognize myself. The boundary of my mind feels shrunken, and then I know I’m more than partially switched out. But, for the most part, I have to catch our monologue getting away from me. If I can’t make out their voice audibly, I play the guessing game of ‘who has the mic’.
In my experience (from those experiences I can recall) the feeling of a full switch is like slipping down a water slide when I’m not ready: I can see a little bit of light at the top, and I can hear the voices of lifeguards and swimmers. I want to get back up, but it’s futile to try. If I’m lucky, I’ll end up in the lazy river where strangers around me are relaxing. Alternatively, I may find myself a huge, black room where disfigured children are screaming in their cages like chimpanzees and telling me to kill myself, but I think I only go there when they specifically request me.I imagine "things had to be this way" because it's a coping tool, duh, I know, but if your tool takes on a life of its own it becomes a machine you made yourself and can get away from you.
Rather, in order to cope, we split. For example, I have one alter who is an older woman, whose function appears to be soothing and watching over me and little else, and this was likely crucial for me as a child because our mother wasn’t consistently maternal. As a result—as an adult—I generally rely on no other person to make me feel better when I’m distressed. Seemingly, this adaptive, coping measure has grown into an unhealthy way of relating to the world and to myself.
Then again, there are others who deceive me. Currently, the first alter mentioned may or may not be supporting a kind of insurrection that has its objective either in me or something outside. He messes with my medications, too. You could absolutely say that things can get away from me.All I'm saying is I hope it can be used to your benefit in a court of law someday.
I constantly wonder if I’ll commit a crime and have no memory of it. Unfortunately, I'd have to commit myself as insane or go on the run. I suppose it would depend on the severity of the charges, and whether I can convince myself that it wasn’t me. In any case, jail would be about the worst place for someone in my situation. We’re vulnerable to retraumatization.
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2020-08-15 at 11:12 PM UTCBasically, this is my basis for requesting the unbanning of the Zanick #X series. You have thirty to forty niggas using only this account, and it’s depriving them of equity in their essential right to self-expression. Should they remain in membership poverty, I will ultimately consult with a team of civil rights lawyers I have at my disposal for three months out of the year. If there may ever be justice for niggas anywhere, let it start with us.
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2020-11-03 at 8 PM UTCreally this was always my thread
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2020-11-03 at 8:02 PM UTCI don't think that's a sufficient explanation.
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2020-11-03 at 8:10 PM UTCif your things weren't mine already i would take them
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2020-11-03 at 8:12 PM UTCooh i'm your fragment personality state, you need hugs to make it better?
