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what is wrong with me
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2020-10-28 at 1:31 PM UTCIt's a Depends thong btw
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2020-10-28 at 2:11 PM UTC
Originally posted by aldra feel completely detached in any meaningful way to the outside world but I'm not so autistic that I can't function. people generally seem to find me friendly and eloquent enough but without ever making an attempt to really connect. I don't feel that I have a place socially, nor do I feel that human society has a worthwhile future (one that I would be happy to work toward - I know some people like things the way they are, or are happy farming yams and carrying water jugs several kilometers a day).
I often consider opting out not because life is too hard or painful, but because there's very little I care about and grinding through another 50 years or so just seems pointless because unless I do something very, very bad, I'll leave nothing behind. The only reason I haven't already is probably just because I don't want to hurt the few other people I care about. And my cats.
I don't want to talk to those people I care about because I'm afraid trying to explain the things that led me to this state of mind could have an extremely negative on their own 'mental health'.
I'll answer whatever questions you have that won't lead to people being able to reach out offline (ie swatting, telling my boss or mother my favourite word is 'nigger' etc.). Or just troll I guess, I don't really care. I haven't been in great shape mentally for the last few weeks, and eating strips of etizolam seems to have made things worse rather than better (surprise)
dont worry too much about it.
what you have there is early onset of midlife crysis. its a point that every men will arrive at at some point in their lives when they come to the realization that all their lives achievements amount to nothing in the end.
that theyre nothing but cock!roaches, they lived, they breeded, they died and left nothing behind and the world is not better or worse with them or without them in it.
ITS THE REALIZATION THAT THEY, AND THEIR EXISTENCE DONT MATTER.
and it has been empirically proven that people with higher IQ experience early onset of midlife crisys earlier than those with lower IQs. -
2020-10-28 at 2:39 PM UTCdude that seems completely normal. What do you expect? What are you looking for? If you want to leave something behind, figure out what you want to leave first. Youre a clever fella. Are you having intrusive and disruptive thoughts? When have you been the happiest and what is a goal you would like to accomplish?
edit: also SWIM may have recently aquired a harley and a muscle car he always wanted as a kid and cannot get off brainkillers with a kid otw so he's a lil existentially fucked up too and compares his life to prism everyday and misses all his dead friends. -
2020-10-28 at 2:50 PM UTC
Originally posted by vindicktive vinny dont worry too much about it.
what you have there is early onset of midlife crysis. its a point that every men will arrive at at some point in their lives when they come to the realization that all their lives achievements amount to nothing in the end.
that theyre nothing but cock!roaches, they lived, they breeded, they died and left nothing behind and the world is not better or worse with them or without them in it.
ITS THE REALIZATION THAT THEY, AND THEIR EXISTENCE DONT MATTER.
and it has been empirically proven that people with higher IQ experience early onset of midlife crisys earlier than those with lower IQs.
addendum :
and theres nothing you can do to mitigate it.
there are however, steps that you can take to cope with its effects amd lessen the sting of its bite upon your life, such as buying expensive sports cars or bikes, have a fully eqquipped garrage with all the hardware and tools available in the catalogue, get expensive soldering irons and multimeters if your an electronic hobbyist, the latest tactical gears, arms and ammunations if your into that sort of things, or even get a competition-grade bicycles if your into sports and healthy livings. or all the avobe.
do anything that you can to bring meanings to your otherwise meaningless life.
from my own personal experiences, one of the most effective way a person can effectively induct meanings into its meaningless life is by engaging in pedophilia.
YES. INDEED.
theres nothing more meaningfull in life than nurturing a child up to your preferred age and then perform passionate acts of love with it, and then when all the passions are spent and over, nurture that child into a fully functioning, socially compatible, sexually rational, proud adult. -
2020-10-28 at 4:43 PM UTCYour life has to have meaning and purpose; without meaning and purpose, you are only an empty shell of your true potential. It all comes down to options. If the only options you give yourself is stewing in your own lack of purpose and meaning, that's exactly what you will be, because that's the only option you gave yourself. Choice is good. If you have no choices, you can only have no meaning and no purpose. So sign up for a worthy cause. Reach out and open doors. Create for yourself a wide range of choices and options. And you don't have to participate in all of them all of the time, but it's just nice to have those doors open, for times when one of them might be appealing and/or attractive. Today, any one of those options you've created for yourself may not be appropriate, but nobody knows how you'll feel about it tomorrow, not even you. So go ahead and create a handful of choices/options for yourself. It's not hard.
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2020-10-28 at 4:46 PM UTCedited for privacy
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2020-10-28 at 4:50 PM UTCThere is contentment and a sense of belonging in a noble purpose. There has to be at least one thing you actually care about, all you have to do is determine what it is.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-10-28 at 4:52 PM UTCi hope you're okay Opie and not dead or too fucked up. You are one of the only cool people around here, i hope you can find something to keep you going.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-10-28 at 4:59 PM UTCAll the world is a stage. You have to remember that the battle we are witnessing between good and evil worldwide is not a battle for humans to win. This war is playing out within the higher principalities, within the spirit realm; it is not our war to win, and it does not belong to us.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-10-28 at 5:07 PM UTC
Originally posted by -SpectraL All the world is a stage. You have to remember that the battle we are witnessing between good and evil worldwide is not a battle for humans to win. This war is playing out within the higher principalities, within the spirit realm; it is not our war to win, and it does not belong to us.
Did you just dose?
Its curious when you switch from strict leftist U.S. disdain to spiritual warfare on the drop of a hat. -
2020-10-28 at 5:27 PM UTC
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2020-10-28 at 5:40 PM UTC
What are u thinking about? -
2020-10-28 at 5:42 PM UTC
Originally posted by aldra feel completely detached in any meaningful way to the outside world but I'm not so autistic that I can't function. people generally seem to find me friendly and eloquent enough but without ever making an attempt to really connect.
you should be concerned that we walk through the same neighborhood. better hope for your sake that we’re going to different places.I don't feel that I have a place socially, nor do I feel that human society has a worthwhile future (one that I would be happy to work toward - I know some people like things the way they are, or are happy farming yams and carrying water jugs several kilometers a day).
when you imagine this ‘place’ you should have in society, are there plates & silverware set there for you? more likely, you got stopped at the door. people are left out—it’s not an accident; scars on your consciousness, for the world tried to kill you younger. what you’ve done since is off-script & she’s still trying.I often consider opting out not because life is too hard or painful, but because there's very little I care about and grinding through another 50 years or so just seems pointless because unless I do something very, very bad, I'll leave nothing behind. The only reason I haven't already is probably just because I don't want to hurt the few other people I care about. And my cats.
good, a support system & a nonverbal suicide contract that makes you accountable to them. this is something you can bring up first to show a therapist you mean business if you decide to try therapy, which i highly recommend.I don't want to talk to those people I care about because I'm afraid trying to explain the things that led me to this state of mind could have an extremely negative on their own 'mental health’.
so you don’t just shut out strangers, but you also deprive the people who love you of knowing what you carry; that it’s so bad, it makes you want to die, & you don’t want their help.
you know they have a hole in their lives where your trust belongs? wouldn’t you rather they feel like they have a place in your world?
if you do want to improve things, you must talk to them & they must feel the distress of learning this. it will harm them & you & it will deepen the relationship. if you do want to improve things, this is a necessary risk. you’re vulnerable; act like it.
i realize that’s deeply worrisome & i encourage you to do gradually more things that are worrisome & less to neutralize the worry.I’ll answer whatever questions you have that won't lead to people being able to reach out offline (ie swatting, telling my boss or mother my favourite word is 'nigger' etc.). Or just troll I guess, I don't really care. I haven't been in great shape mentally for the last few weeks, and eating strips of etizolam seems to have made things worse rather than better (surprise)
i’m also in a dark period, can’t afford to make others worse when i need to get better.
in my experience, fun benzos can escalate an already worsening mental health situation, if used in excess.
once this is happening, it keeps happening until it doesn't.
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2020-10-28 at 5:49 PM UTCWhat in the fuck.
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2020-10-28 at 5:55 PM UTCTrump is going to lose is the fuck.
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2020-10-28 at 5:55 PM UTCI keep seeing this thread and thinking I made it. And then I remember I didnt and then it reminds me of Linkin Park and that lyric.
I like your wisdom Zanick. Always have. I just asked a bunch of stupid questions. At least you were around to impart some insightful thought as to an approach to negate the 'wrong.' Neatly, it helps me too, and probably others. On a surface level if nothing else. Aldra has that gift too, though he keeps his emotional side more tucked in , which probably isnt a bad idea here.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-10-28 at 7:32 PM UTCZanicks post made me worried for the people in his community, specifically the stray animals and unnatended females that he calls karen and professes his angry resentful love to without having a relationship with.
I have more of a purpose in my life than I have had for a while and that's really whats saving me. You kinda need something pushing you forward or the lack of inertia kills you. Rolling stone gathers no suicidal depression and whatnot.
If you believe in the concept of hope and keep it alive and open in your mind you are winning the battle. Dont believe it is hopeless because it honestly isn't. Definitely not for you of all people. I would say reconfigure the paradigm you use to attack the world and use a more engaging apparatus if that makes sense. If things depress you and seem hopeless, find what hopeless people want and engage that subgroup.
Also benzos would clearly be counterproductive in your situation. I can send you some lions mane and grey oyster and maitake mushrooms if they might help your brain regrow. Even sillysides might help. Don't you have a girlfriend? Where is she with all this? Do you not feel like you can bounce this off her? Surely you give meaning to her and are capabke of doing that to a lot of people. Fuck your posts give me meaning by justifying my posting here when I need reminding that not everyone who posts here in a piece of shit. Just kidding I Love you all
but dude this shit is LIFE there isnt a person who hasnt gone through something quasi similar and most dont have the same engine as you do. Let me know if theres anyway to help -
2020-10-28 at 10:33 PM UTC
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2020-10-28 at 10:38 PM UTCif I did get molested at some point I've repressed it pretty well
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2020-10-28 at 10:45 PM UTCwill respond properly soon
