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what is wrong with me
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2020-10-28 at 8:45 AM UTCfeel completely detached in any meaningful way to the outside world but I'm not so autistic that I can't function. people generally seem to find me friendly and eloquent enough but without ever making an attempt to really connect. I don't feel that I have a place socially, nor do I feel that human society has a worthwhile future (one that I would be happy to work toward - I know some people like things the way they are, or are happy farming yams and carrying water jugs several kilometers a day).
I often consider opting out not because life is too hard or painful, but because there's very little I care about and grinding through another 50 years or so just seems pointless because unless I do something very, very bad, I'll leave nothing behind. The only reason I haven't already is probably just because I don't want to hurt the few other people I care about. And my cats.
I don't want to talk to those people I care about because I'm afraid trying to explain the things that led me to this state of mind could have an extremely negative on their own 'mental health'.
I'll answer whatever questions you have that won't lead to people being able to reach out offline (ie swatting, telling my boss or mother my favourite word is 'nigger' etc.). Or just troll I guess, I don't really care. I haven't been in great shape mentally for the last few weeks, and eating strips of etizolam seems to have made things worse rather than better (surprise)The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!- mmQ,
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2020-10-28 at 8:46 AM UTCTake regeneron
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2020-10-28 at 8:47 AM UTCI feel like I'm going to regret posting this tomorrow
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2020-10-28 at 8:57 AM UTC
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2020-10-28 at 9:45 AM UTC
Originally posted by aldra I feel like I'm going to regret posting this tomorrow
Oh well. Wouodnt be the first time wonr be the last time. You make these threads here and there and IIII regret not asking you anything because when I see them I'm normally just sad and indifferent and somehow too lazy to type out questions
But. Since I'm finally talkative at the same time you are posing this thread I ask of you
1. What family do you have,particularly immediate, and how close are you to them both geographically and relationshippaly?
2. I feel like I recall you mentioning your desire to end your life being overridden by the sadness youd impart on your close loved ones, and I think I that's a good reason to not do it. I guess that wSnt a question that's just me saying something. But that fact does mean that you have emotions and at the end of the day I think it's better for everyone for you to stay alive for awhile.
3. Have you been into geopolitical your whole life? What made you take an interest?
4. What do you think causes..is the STEM of your depression?
5. If you could meet with me one time for one day , and we had to be sober for a week prior and including the day of ourmeeting, where would you want to meet , what would you want to do?The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-10-28 at 9:56 AM UTC1. parents are separated, both live about an hour's drive in opposite directions. see my mother every few weeks, haven't seen my father in a long time. used to see my father's family on a weekly basis until that. mother's family lives about 6 hours away and I see them every couple of years for christmas. mother's mother is only surviving grandparent.
2. I never claimed to be a psychopath or anything
3. I only got deep into geopolitics during the Euromaidan, started watching the riot videos because they were ace, then started to understand what was really going on there.
4. lack of purpose or anything I find particularly meaningful
5. hate crimesThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-10-28 at 10:11 AM UTC
Originally posted by aldra 1. parents are separated, both live about an hour's drive in opposite directions. see my mother every few weeks, haven't seen my father in a long time. used to see my father's family on a weekly basis until that. mother's family lives about 6 hours away and I see them every couple of years for christmas. mother's mother is only surviving grandparent.
2. I never claimed to be a psychopath or anything
3. I only got deep into geopolitics during the Euromaidan, started watching the riot videos because they were ace, then started to understand what was really going on there.
4. lack of purpose or anything I find particularly meaningful
5. hate crimes
1. Why haven't you seen your dad in a long time? Do you remember the last time you did? Do you talk to him or text him or anything at all? When did your parents separate? Do you feel responsible?
2. I never called you a psychopath. Did I?
3. What is THE EUROMAIDEN? I am dumb. Just tl;dr it for me in a sentence or two. Did you graduate high school? Is their kindervarden through 12th grade there or is it different?
4. Do you think it's our purpose to have purpose? Do you feel like theres something you could do that would achieve said purpose that you feel is lacking in your life?
5. Hate crimes.. that's fine. Im probably on board. I still want to know WHERE and more specifically WHY. as I am federal agent. Are you a Stephen paddock or a school shooter or just want to really fuck one single persons world up? Who are we hating and why?The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-10-28 at 10:18 AM UTCfarming yams sounds pretty chill
Being able to enjoy simple basic things like taking care of animals or plants is a nice feeling and even if you're severely depressed and suicidal, it's a nice distraction.
Because when you're doing something like gardening or playing with cats you usually aren't thinking about negative shit the entire time when you can just focus your brain on something even if it's just some bullshit that doesn't matter. It's hard to fill up an entire day or weekend like that though
stupid normies seem to have no problem and their entire life is distracted by social things. If you aren't a very social person or have a lot of hobbies or interests it can be hard -
2020-10-28 at 10:26 AM UTC
Originally posted by Ghost farming yams sounds pretty chill
Being able to enjoy simple basic things like taking care of animals or plants is a nice feeling and even if you're severely depressed and suicidal, it's a nice distraction.
Because when you're doing something like gardening or playing with cats you usually aren't thinking about negative shit the entire time when you can just focus your brain on something even if it's just some bullshit that doesn't matter. It's hard to fill up an entire day or weekend like that though
stupid normies seem to have no problem and their entire life is distracted by social things. If you aren't a very social person or have a lot of hobbies or interests it can be hard
I like to think about what the cavemen talked about. When everyone basically did the same thing all day every day.
Every man came home with the same stories. Did you make dinner yet, bitch? What did you do today honey oh you killed food for us. Ok give me it to cook. Go wash yourself.
How was your day ?
Shut up. I already told you. I hunted and gathered. You?
Shut up. I already told you. I washed your loincloth things and sat here waiting for you to get home with food.
Ok I hunted, you cooked. Let's talk about something new for once. What's that thing in the sky that bright circle thing? Fuck you.
Just shut up. I've had a busy day I donr want to talk i want to just sit here and think.
What are you thinking about?????? -
2020-10-28 at 10:32 AM UTCDrugs are an easy distraction especially benzos because you can time travel on them and wake up a week later with no memory of the past 2 weeks and pretend like your life is normal and ur just chillin sometimes but its a slippery slope.
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2020-10-28 at 10:39 AM UTC
Originally posted by Ghost Drugs are an easy distraction especially benzos because you can time travel on them and wake up a week later with no memory of the past 2 weeks and pretend like your life is normal and ur just chillin sometimes but its a slippery slope.
If having to make money in order to pay rent and have a home and electricity and internet wasnt a concern, I feel like I would want to befucked up almost 100% of the time. It's just more fun. The only thing that ever makes it less fun is the anxiety of knowing I have to have responsibilities. -
2020-10-28 at 12:11 PM UTCWhat made you so detached? It sounds like a coping mechanism.
Was there one big thing that made you detach yourself from things/people around you, and then you just use it as a protective measure?
Do you have to leave some “mark” on society to feel fulfilled?
No matter what our difference of opinions are, you are a worthwhile person.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-10-28 at 12:11 PM UTC
Originally posted by aldra feel completely detached in any meaningful way to the outside world but I'm not so autistic that I can't function. people generally seem to find me friendly and eloquent enough but without ever making an attempt to really connect. I don't feel that I have a place socially, nor do I feel that human society has a worthwhile future (one that I would be happy to work toward - I know some people like things the way they are, or are happy farming yams and carrying water jugs several kilometers a day).
I often consider opting out not because life is too hard or painful, but because there's very little I care about and grinding through another 50 years or so just seems pointless because unless I do something very, very bad, I'll leave nothing behind. The only reason I haven't already is probably just because I don't want to hurt the few other people I care about. And my cats.
I don't want to talk to those people I care about because I'm afraid trying to explain the things that led me to this state of mind could have an extremely negative on their own 'mental health'.
I'll answer whatever questions you have that won't lead to people being able to reach out offline (ie swatting, telling my boss or mother my favourite word is 'nigger' etc.). Or just troll I guess, I don't really care. I haven't been in great shape mentally for the last few weeks, and eating strips of etizolam seems to have made things worse rather than better (surprise)
aging and apathy, it's what's for lunchThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-10-28 at 12:29 PM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-10-28 at 12:30 PM UTC
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2020-10-28 at 1:12 PM UTCDid it warm your loins too?
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2020-10-28 at 1:18 PM UTC
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2020-10-28 at 1:22 PM UTC
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2020-10-28 at 1:26 PM UTC
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2020-10-28 at 1:28 PM UTC
