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i like cute things
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2017-03-12 at 12:06 PM UTCdoes that make me a good goy?
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2017-03-12 at 12:11 PM UTCwho am i?? i read my posts over and over trying to understand my personality from the perspective of another person. i don't comprehend my own ego. i attempt to classify myself with psychological metrics but does that tell me anything about my internal processes..not really. i guess i have that whole depersonalization thing going on, but that's just another classification. i wish i just had fundamental self awareness and understanding.
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2017-03-12 at 12:15 PM UTCi really need somebody to define who i am for me. i always enjoy both being praised and insulted because it's about me and helps me analyze what i need to change about myself or persevere with. i rarely ever get offended so i can detach myself from feeling upset and instead try to comprehend why another person would have that gestalt of me
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2017-03-12 at 12:22 PM UTCim either a really nice person who's deeply repressed his own feelings, or almost completely evil, not animal torture tier but still. not sure which.
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2017-03-12 at 12:23 PM UTC
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2017-03-12 at 12:26 PM UTCI like cute things too. And you're a complicated person. But mostly i would say you're in pain trying to cope with it as best you know how. And you're not doing a particularly good job at that, and i don't mean that as a slight. It was your parents job to teach you this. But if i were to hazard a guess they're about as fucked up as you are or even worse. So fuck them for not trying to gain self-knowledge and better themselves so they could be better parents, it was a very selfish thing of them to do, at least you actively try to, so you're doing better than them at least in that regard.
I'm sorry life sucks. But eh, whatcha gonna' do.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-03-12 at 12:38 PM UTCmy parents have greatly spoiled me, and i'm also manipulative, so i typically get whatever i want within their budget. if you mean they should've given me tough love then yeah, maybe, but that wouldn't work now. my mom's a brain damaged annoyhoy bot and my dad is kind of dumb and rigid in his thinking, but they both seem to have a genuine sense of altruism and morality that i lack, which i assume i got from my grandfathers. one was alcoholic and one was a gambler so some recessive traits mixed together with my parent's own genetic inferiority and it's created a test tube experiment of unusual genetic mixes, but at the same time some positive traits enable me to function better than others. i guess that's what a high functioning degenerate is. "you're a complicated person" doesn't mean much because i don't think i have much interior personality functioning. it probably appears as complicated because i probably actually don't have any coherent ego, at most something that resembles it in certain moments of self actualization. i assume everyone thinks the way i do and i'm unable to understand the emotional states of other people besides something simple like "they're happy" "they're mad" "they're sad" etc
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2017-03-12 at 12:57 PM UTC
Originally posted by puffy butts my parents have greatly spoiled me, and i'm also manipulative, so i typically get whatever i want within their budget.
You are shifting blame to yourself. I am sure you were not born manipulative. Children will generally do what they can get away with and it is up to the parents to be the fucking adults and figure out what is best for the child.
Originally posted by puffy butts if you mean they should've given me tough love then yeah, maybe, but that wouldn't work now.
No i don't mean that. Because it doesn't matter what type of "love" they gave you, it was obviously not good for your mental well-being, so that's on them. Also sadists like to blame the victim, it's the icing on the delicious cake of pain. Because whenever the victim self-attacks when they question the abuse, the sadists actions will never even come under moral scrutiny. Look properly and you will see this pattern in most people, especially those that were spanked. They will say: Oh yeah, but i was SUCH a difficult child i needed to be hit. Nope, they didn't spanking is not a strategy for raising children it is temporary relief of anger and frustration on the part of the parent. Now i am not saying you were abused or anything. But somewhere along the line your parents fucked up and that's no ones fault but theirs.
Originally posted by puffy butts my mom's a brain damaged annoyhoy bot and my dad is kind of dumb and rigid in his thinking, but they both seem to have a genuine sense of altruism and morality that i lack, which i assume i got from my grandfathers. one was alcoholic and one was a gambler so some recessive traits mixed together with my parent's own genetic inferiority and it's created a test tube experiment of unusual genetic mixes,
Look, more patterns, do you think your parents have had a good upbringing when their parents were fucked up gamblers and alcoholics i think not. It is more of a question of nurture vs nature.
Originally posted by puffy butts but at the same time some positive traits enable me to function better than others. i guess that's what a high functioning degenerate is. "you're a complicated person" doesn't mean much because i don't think i have much interior personality functioning. it probably appears as complicated because i probably actually don't have any coherent ego, at most something that resembles it in certain moments of self actualization. i assume everyone thinks the way i do and i'm unable to understand the emotional states of other people besides something simple like "they're happy" "they're mad" "they're sad" etc
No it appears you are a complicated person because there are a lot of factors that contribute to creating the sort of personality that you have, and most of those factors are negative in nature. I do not believe that fucked up people are just born that way, they are made. With some genetic trades that trigger certain emotional responses or not. I am sure you have heard about "the warrior gene". A person could have grown up in an abusive household and not turn out to be a sociopath, but if they have the warrior gene, it tips the scale in favor of becoming a sociopath, ya dig? -
2017-03-12 at 1:04 PM UTCI imagine sploo throwing screaming fits over the slightest thing with his mom whenever he dont get his own way. Pretty much like cartman and his mom but worse with sploo rolling round on the floor screaming and gargling until his mom just gives in for some peace and quiet. I bet he even does it in front of guests coz he knows the embarrassment factor increases the pressure.
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2017-03-12 at 1:08 PM UTCi never have considered myself to have an abnormal upbringing besides pronounced social isolation. my parents have personality problems, but i think if i compared my family dynamic to that of the general population it would be below average but nowhere near enough to qualify for abuse or neglect. one thing that is true is i don't think my parents have ever been purposely violent. my mom is aggressive emotionally but if she harasses me occasionally i'll give in to the urge to punch her in the head, increase her brain damage, spend a few hours in a psych emergency room, and then my parents will let me come home. i'd blame myself for that, at least if you consider physical crossing the line from verbal fighting. i'm a lot less violent than i was as a young teenager though.
Post last edited by puffy butts at 2017-03-12T13:15:46.664075+00:00 -
2017-03-12 at 1:11 PM UTC
Originally posted by puffy butts i never have considered myself to have an abnormal upbringing besides pronounced social isolation. my parents have personality problems, but i think if i compared my family dynamic to that of the general population it would be below average but nowhere near enough to qualify for abuse or neglect. one thing that is true is i don't think my parents have ever been purposely violent. my mom is aggressive emotionally but if she harasses me i'll punch her in the head, increase her brain damage, spend a few hours in a psych emergency room, and then my parents will let me come home. i'd blame myself for that, at least if you consider physical crossing the line from verbal fighting.
You are contradicting yourself.
>nowhere near enough to qualify for abuse
>my mom is aggressive emotionally
That's abuse. -
2017-03-12 at 1:21 PM UTC
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2017-03-12 at 1:22 PM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-03-12 at 3:23 PM UTCsome things i don't understand about myself which are going into edgy territory but still valid: i have a genuine strong urge to rape, murder, torture and dissect women, which i will never act on due to the possible consequences of being caught. i mean if i can say things like this in confidentiality to a psychiatrist i figure i can say them elsewhere. i masturbate to these ideas and i don't have any guilt about it but when i read about people torturing animals for no reason i REEEE out and detest them, even though as a child on a few occasions i did something sort of similar, but not as bad. i guess that makes me one of those animal rights people.
i also dislike the idea of mass shooters/bombers, because i think it's kind of fucked up to just be targeting random people with weapons who you have no connection to whatsoever, if a person is going to have a victim it should at least provide some sort of net benefit to someone, even if it's to the perpetrator, school shooting is just an autistic level of detachment from society.
do i have abnormal empathy/moral functioning? sometimes i think i'm a sociopath or a psychopath but i do feel love and sadness, i think it's more like my prosocial emotions are greatly dysfunctional but not to a point of complete malfunction, so if the condition is a spectrum i'd score high compared to others but not to the extent of prototypicality i.e. total apathy. i guess i have this framework of mild prosocial functioning which enables me to have some bonding with other humans, but when a stronger urge like sexual sadism kicks in any ethical consideration is disregarded for my own pleasure.
i seriously wonder what the state of my own mental condition is. -
2017-03-12 at 3:27 PM UTCDid you ever have hard sex?
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2017-03-12 at 3:28 PM UTCi had sex with one girl and since i death grip my cock during faps she screamed a lot but i didnt even pay attention to it at the time cause i was trying to figure out how the whole sex thing works
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2017-03-12 at 3:31 PM UTCWas she really screaming? Be honest.
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2017-03-12 at 3:39 PM UTCyeah blood too. it wasn't a raep tho because we were making passionate luv. now she's a prostitute or something.
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2017-03-12 at 3:49 PM UTCNow you're trying to be edgy.
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2017-03-12 at 3:53 PM UTC
Originally posted by puffy butts some things i don't understand about myself which are going into edgy territory but still valid: i have a genuine strong urge to rape, murder, torture and dissect women,
Why? You are not insane so the act of murder/rape would be utilitarian in nature. It would satisfy a need, this need has a cause. What is it's cause? Let's put it this way, what would you gain from raping and killing someone, in an emotional sense? What emotional need would it fulfill?
Originally posted by puffy butts which i will never act on due to the possible consequences of being caught. i mean if i can say things like this in confidentiality to a psychiatrist i figure i can say them elsewhere.
Ok so imagine this. Maybe in your mind, dissecting a person sounds really dope right now. Think about the logistics for a second though. Let's say you have a person you killed. Ok so far so good. Now you're going to dissect them. Step one, drain all their blood. You should probably cut open the carotid artery and suspend the person upside down to let the blood flow out. People have a lot of blood, like 6 liters. Just picture that for a second, you have a person suspended upside down somehow and you take a knife and you cut their throat, you can feel the texture of the skin and flesh as it opens through your knife. Ok if you can stomach that, proceed to step 2. Cut the joints, once you get the person down you will need to manipulate their arms and legs in order to cut at the joints, don't forget you should probably undress the person too, it's easier if you don't have to cut through clothing. You will need to open up the skin, cut loose the muscles and tendons and dispose of them in some way.
I mean if that really sounds like a good time to you. More power to you but eh, IDK.
Originally posted by puffy butts i masturbate to these ideas and i don't have any guilt about it
Well that's fine you shouldn't feel guilty about having thoughts about things.
Originally posted by puffy butts i also dislike the idea of mass shooters/bombers, because i think it's kind of fucked up to just be targeting random people with weapons who you have no connection to whatsoever, if a person is going to have a victim it should at least provide some sort of net benefit to someone, even if it's to the perpetrator, school shooting is just an autistic level of detachment from society.
I imagine mass shooters and bombers feel a net benefit for themselves when they do what they do. People never do things for no reason. Committing any sort of violence for the sake of it fulfills some emotional function to the perpetrator
Originally posted by puffy butts do i have abnormal empathy/moral functioning? sometimes i think i'm a sociopath or a psychopath but i do feel love and sadness, i think it's more like my prosocial emotions are greatly dysfunctional but not to a point of complete malfunction, so if the condition is a spectrum i'd score high compared to others but not to the extent of prototypicality i.e. total apathy. i guess i have this framework of mild prosocial functioning which enables me to have some bonding with other humans, but when a stronger urge like sexual sadism kicks in any ethical consideration is disregarded for my own pleasure.
i seriously wonder what the state of my own mental condition is.
Eh do you have distorted emotional/empathatic/moral function, yes. Does that make you a sociopath, probably not.
