2016-09-25 at 8:10 AM UTC
I really hate my job. I feel like I am working for a shady ass company. Its a chain of sorts and is owned by a fellow whose business practice I question. Overall my experience is that I have been getting fucked even though the gig should be the easiest shit in the world. I need to find something better. I have had pretty much every available job though and my resume is so fucked because I work one place for three months then another for nine maybe throw in a five month stint somewhere give me a month here and there. I literally have no idea how to list my previous employment because I was so fucking baked when I filled out half the applications that dates get fucked yo. And nearly every one of them I walked out. It just became an acceptable way of dealing with it since I never had to deal with it ya know? I need a new gig. I also need a skill that will net me more than 11 bucks an hour. Fucking shitmonkeys yelling about McD's needing to pay them $15 an hour when they dont do fucking shit.
Dont get me started on my schedule. I fucking go to bed between 2am-10am. I wake up around 10am on nights I sleep at 2 so just imagine how that goes. Part of it is my job. Part of it is my drinking. Part of it is the fact that I cant sleep worth a fuck and never have been able to. Well let me get that straight. I can sleep like a fucking rock but its getting there that is the problem. I can sleep through class, work, dates, interviews but the night before its sure as shit I couldn't fucking get unconscious.
And my car is fucked. It could literally be anything from I am out of gas to the ignition being fucked. I dont know shit about cars. I dont have money. What the fuck do I do man? I gotta get to work and shit. And when am I going to see a mechanic? I dont have a day off for a couple days here and even then how am I going to get the fucker in there? I dont have the money for a repair let a lone a tow. Shits falling apart mates.
My apartment is a fucking mess. Literally using the Bible as a coaster. A fucking empty bag of doritos on the couch next to me. I dont fucking eat doritos! why the shitting fuck is it within arms reach? The fucking dishes. dont get me started. Oh the cat shit in the bathtub again? Fucking cats are a god damned nuicance I tell ya. Little shitfuckers they are but I cant help but love em. And im fucking sure as shit that if I reach into the cushions ill find a cum tissue. Hold up. Gotta take a shot before I continue. My life is too fucking depressing.
Oh I forgot to mention my relationships with other humans is absolutely fucked. First off fuck cellular phone technology. Its a fucking bullshit trend I dont get. Half the time I dont have a concrete idea where my cell phone or if its charged. Second I am in a unique position as to where I have basically unlimited access to every cyber medium I would use to talk to people. So in one sense I could spend all day fucking with soph on niggasin.space but in another sense I have less than 70 friends on facebook. That one is actually less autistic than it sounds though it is still ridiculously autistic. I deleted my facebook for about a year then made a new one. All I have is fam and a few select friends from my younger days. Its kinda nice because then I dont have to hear from a bunch of shitfuckers I dont give two damns about. Its sad because the only people my posts reach are my family and some other folks. Though I am honestly glad that it doesnt reach that far because my timeline is so fucking cringey.
And my fucking whiskey! What a mediocre fucking choice. Quantity over quality I said as I was picking it out. Shoulda picked up the good stuff but I dont have the money for the fucking good stuff. But I got enough for a big batch of the stuff that aint so pretty. No this wasnt tripple distilled on the emerald isle. A process was drawn out that could replicate the taste fair enough and toss out a product that wont kill the man woman or child who drinks it. And so they just make a fucking load of it and sell it to sad fucks like me who dont have the dollars for a finer batch.
The fucked up thing though is that I am beloved by people who do not know me. I am beloved by some who do know me as well to an extent but I can gain anyones trust right off the bat. Or at least be a pleasant conversational partner in any situation where small talk may be required. I have mastered what I see as the most minute bullshit. Small talk is the most boring "kill me"-esque bullshit that I tolerate. I have so much going on inside my head that in a way having a small an nonchalant chat is a break from the stirring and prodding thoughts. As I say I have mastered it but it truly wants to make me break the nearest window find the largest shard and plunge it into my jugular as quickly and swiftly as I can. And it makes me fucking lovable.
Oh yes I have charisma. People really do fucking love me. I have the correct mix of "yes man" "glass half full" "omg did he just say that?!" doing whats necessary, and, honestly not just giving a fuck that makes people can find me an attractive prospect in social circles that dont involve close personal connection. Some, the more obsevant may find me odd but the plebiscite for the most part see what I want them too. And it fucking kills me.
And those that I share a close personal relation that have not been forced into my presence by some aspect of human life? Well my oldest friend is in jail. I presume at the moment it is because he is more fucking autistic than I am. He did a real fucking dumb thing and for a while before it he thought he was playing me a fool but I saw what was really going on. I saw this fucking guy delve into an insanity. A megalomania perhaps. He is fucked is the point and I dont plan on keeping connection. Other than that is my girlfriend and some of her friends. I have no friends that I would see or even talk to on a regular basis.
This woman is the one thing keeping me sane though. I have problems out the wazoo. Many more than are indicated here. But this woman is how I manage. I just hope I can manage long enough to get a fucking footing on life.
Its all a crock of shit chaps. I come on here and I shitpost. I go on facebook and I shitpost. I talk to another human being and I am basically shitposting. I shitpost because I have problems. And I just dont know man. Shits fucked and I dont know how I got here.
2016-09-25 at 12:58 PM UTC
[greentext]>Soph[/greentext]
I am invoked. What can i do to help? Also remember how you wanted to get more into programming? Do it bro, get good and apply for a job at a tech firm, it's good to have a portfolio setup on github or something to showcase your work. Compsci jobs pay well, ask Lanny.
2016-09-27 at 5:19 PM UTC
just do meth you wont care about anything anymore.
