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The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)
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2020-06-13 at 4:55 AM UTCHappy belated birthday Casper! ππππThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-06-13 at 4:57 AM UTCI bet dregs house smells but I would still enjoy sitting there for a few hours
Originally posted by Sophie I don't mean to be rude but you need to strangle the toxicity out of that whore, she is carrying your child. I don't suppose you want a dope baby because that's what you'll get if she keeps popping pills during the pregnancy.
Sorry I explained that situation in a terrible illiterate way, even given our language barrier I could have explained better. She smokes marijuana and tobacco mixed and uses the fact that I'm physically addicted to pills as justification for her use.
I really miss cocaine. I see people doing it all the time and want to partake but they literally all tell me never to do it and they're right. It's been over 3 years now -
2020-06-13 at 6:25 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo I bet dregs house smells but I would still enjoy sitting there for a few hours
Sorry I explained that situation in a terrible illiterate way, even given our language barrier I could have explained better. She smokes marijuana and tobacco mixed and uses the fact that I'm physically addicted to pills as justification for her use.
I really miss cocaine. I see people doing it all the time and want to partake but they literally all tell me never to do it and they're right. It's been over 3 years now
Mate you need to stop her smoking weed that is fucked. A schizo fucked up baby is not good, she should know better.
Well done not snorting though, I've not had it for a while now and I feel much better. Fucking so glad to be away from the using side. -
2020-06-13 at 11:23 AM UTC
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2020-06-13 at 11:27 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo I bet dregs house smells but I would still enjoy sitting there for a few hours
Sorry I explained that situation in a terrible illiterate way, even given our language barrier I could have explained better. She smokes marijuana and tobacco mixed and uses the fact that I'm physically addicted to pills as justification for her use.
I really miss cocaine. I see people doing it all the time and want to partake but they literally all tell me never to do it and they're right. It's been over 3 years now
Tbf though, shes right. If youre addicted to stuff, its hard to have the moral high ground. If you were doing everything possible and she was still being scummy, thatd be a point. But it doesnt sound like thats a priority for either of you, and if she cant stop smoking long enough to have a kid, that feels like a clear cut sign this is not the time or person to be having a kid with. -
2020-06-13 at 1:30 PM UTCHYdR0 smoked weed and tobacco/vaped nicotine, AND took T-PAIN the entire time. Her baby came out slightly premature, smol, in withdrawals, and had jaundice.
Pretty sad. Who knows what lasting effects this will have on the kid.
Drugs and babies do not mix. One of the most depressing things i saw was HYdR0 leaving dirty diapers to harden on the kid because she was in wd. One time I woke up and cleaned him and his shit brick hit with a thud in the tub. Hydro was awake watching TV. Gross as fuck, I felt so bad for that kid. I'm glad he's elsewhere now.
DON'T become HYdR0. -
2020-06-13 at 1:33 PM UTCYeah Sudo you should seriously consider if this is something you need to do right now. Esp with a woman youve admitted you dont love and want nothjng to do with. Its gonna ruin you dude. I know how it feels to be getting into ur late 20s and wanting to do the family thing, but its easy to let that cloud ur judgement.
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2020-06-13 at 1:41 PM UTCShe already lost custody of one of her kids. Kind of a feat for a woman. And she's like 19 isn't she???
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2020-06-13 at 1:46 PM UTCDay 32 start.
Playlist: Whiskey in the Jar -Metallica.
Headed to a meeting at the crack ass of dawn to meet up with my sponsor. Working the second part of step 4. I dare say this is the furthest I've come in the steps. As lame as some of this shit is, I'm doing my best to build patience and tolerance and focus on building positive and strong character traits. -
2020-06-13 at 1:52 PM UTC
Originally posted by Sophie Alright ok. But it's not a fun story, like i said. Anyway, couple days ago i was doing K-Pins with my gf and we had some oxy too. And i was pretty fucking out of it. So at some point me and my gf get into an argument and i don't even remember what it was about. But i was real fucking angry, at some point i said to her: Maybe i should just fucking kill you and be done with it. Then she said something to the effect of: Oh yeah? You don't have the balls you fucking pussy. If i was already at like 8 out of 10 on the anger scale that turned it up to 11. I carry a Buck knife, i always have it on me. So i flicked it open and i walked over to her. She raised her arm in defense but i grabbed it a little higher than the wrist area. And i didn't close my hand around it i grabbed it with my fingers and i pushed as hard as i could. Then i twisted her arm so it locked in place with her shoulder and she went down in pain. She didn't go down far though because as she was going down i put my knife right up to her throat, in such a manner that if she'd drop through her knees any further she'd get sliced. And i told her: Are you sure about that? And i held her like that for a good couple seconds. And i let her go.
I shouldn't have done that, i fully expected her to grab something to whack me over the head with after that, and i mean i wouldn't blame her because what i did was beyond the fucking pale. But she didn't, she just went docile after that, and that actually made me feel worse. Like i said it's not a fun story and it's not something i'm proud of. But we made up after that, IDK why she'd want to but i guess i'm just lucky. Also we don't often fight but when we do it tends to escalate real fast, she has ADHD and i clearly have anger management issues, so you know… Things happen. This was probably the worst though.
Thats it? Pretty tame. I did still cum though so thanks. -
2020-06-13 at 2:47 PM UTC
Originally posted by Headspin Day 32 start.
Playlist: Whiskey in the Jar -Metallica.
Headed to a meeting at the crack ass of dawn to meet up with my sponsor. Working the second part of step 4. I dare say this is the furthest I've come in the steps. As lame as some of this shit is, I'm doing my best to build patience and tolerance and focus on building positive and strong character traits.
What did you pick as ur higher power? Do you actually believe it, or are you just in βfake it till you make itβ mode? -
2020-06-13 at 4:30 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Yeah Sudo you should seriously consider if this is something you need to do right now. Esp with a woman youve admitted you dont love and want nothjng to do with. Its gonna ruin you dude. I know how it feels to be getting into ur late 20s and wanting to do the family thing, but its easy to let that cloud ur judgement.
I Love her, I genuinely do, not in a OMG MY HEAD IS ABREAST OF MY HEELS way if that is even possible. She frustrates the fuck out of me and I'm 65% sure shes concocted a plan to make me lose my mind and Im 85% sure she will just be a "baby mama" to me (she is actually an amazing mother to her other child and I would be very critical of her if she wasn't)
Im not so much tryna do the family thing, Im more just trying to stay out of jail and have a reason to live. Ive told her several times to get an abortion while we were fighting and I can tell thats not an option for her. Her goal is to stop smoking by June 29th but I think shell end up quitting before that. Like I said she has problems but is a genuinely good mother and I could do a lot worse.
I'm going to see my daughter tomorrow and if I tell my baby mama Ive got another kid on the way shes going to be a weirdo about it so Im keeping it quiet SO DONT TELL HER.
I really have a lot on the go right now but having a kid is something that seems worthwhile to me. It's just worrisome when it comes to our relationship affecting the kid but I can do my best to not let that happen -
2020-06-13 at 4:36 PM UTCYeah having a kid is worthwhile but having one in such a not ideal scenario seems like a recipe for failure. Imean how is ur relationship with ur other child/babymomma?
And yeah ur good. I wont tell her. -
2020-06-13 at 4:36 PM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo I bet dregs house smells but I would still enjoy sitting there for a few hours
Sorry I explained that situation in a terrible illiterate way, even given our language barrier I could have explained better. She smokes marijuana and tobacco mixed and uses the fact that I'm physically addicted to pills as justification for her use.
I really miss cocaine. I see people doing it all the time and want to partake but they literally all tell me never to do it and they're right. It's been over 3 years now
Ah yeah, that makes more sense. Thanks for elaborating. Also, with regards to coke, you substitute with Methylphenidate right? Personally coke lines give me the feeling as though i am having a heart attack. Unless i am drunk. Ritalin less so, but i prefer to take it with benzos anyway. Oxy and ritalin is good together too.
I know this is way off topic, but have you ever bought Ethylphenidate? As an RC? Jesus, i underestimated the potency of that shit when i got it. Heart attack vibes, lol. -
2020-06-13 at 4:50 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Yeah having a kid is worthwhile but having one in such a not ideal scenario seems like a recipe for failure. Imean how is ur relationship with ur other child/babymomma?
And yeah ur good. I wont tell her.
relations my other childs mother is kinda complicated and was kept from me until I went to prison (baby mom is adopted so I assume thats how she justified it). Idk what would constitute "failure" obv bringing a child into a fucked up relationship is worrisome but I have lots of Love to give a child. Whatever happens the child will be raised along the proper scientological teaching of LRH and will become a beacon of theaton free clarity
Originally posted by Sophie Ah yeah, that makes more sense. Thanks for elaborating. Also, with regards to coke, you substitute with Methylphenidate right? Personally coke lines give me the feeling as though i am having a heart attack. Unless i am drunk. Ritalin less so, but i prefer to take it with benzos anyway. Oxy and ritalin is good together too.
I know this is way off topic, but have you ever bought Ethylphenidate? As an RC? Jesus, i underestimated the potency of that shit when i got it. Heart attack vibes, lol.
Im prescribed high doses of methylphenidate but I rarely take it. Usually makes me docile,spacey and tired, I really do have bad ADHD. SWIM was looking at pressing ethylphenidate pills but thought better of it, might give the idea to someone else and see where it goes. People Love ritalin in some places I have friends and pay ridiculous ampunts of money for them. Dont understand myself -
2020-06-13 at 4:57 PM UTCIts a failure if the child becomes a point of contention and a frain on your money and energy when youre already exhausted battling your own demons. Child support. What if she gets fed up and calls the cops about your drug habit. Or says you hit her. I just cant imagine bringing a kind i to this world if i wasnt 100% physiclaly, spiritually, emotionally, financially ready to be the best father i could be to that child. Obv there are exceptions and life just happens, but thats why ill prolly never have a child.
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2020-06-13 at 7:04 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER What did you pick as ur higher power? Do you actually believe it, or are you just in βfake it till you make itβ mode?
Satan.
Nah for real though. I see the most direct source of power being my higher self, or me in a higher dimensional existence. Intuition is the line of communication to that source. I dont even bother trying to explain it to people who while they claim are not religious in the program which is supposedly also not a religious program. Find perfect contentment in basing their higher power off of a basic model that christianity imposed on them at some earlier point in their lives. And they like to end meetings with the Our Father prayer. I never join in on those.
That used to be something that was a hang up for me, but now I just see it for what it is and recognize that I'm in a room full of drug addicts and alcoholics, not philosophers or free thinkers. It's only natural they would adopt something familiar to them for their conceptual understandings. -
2020-06-13 at 7:08 PM UTC
Originally posted by Headspin Satan.
Nah for real though. I see the most direct source of power being my higher self, or me in a higher dimensional existence. Intuition is the line of communication to that source. I dont even bother trying to explain it to people who while they claim are not religious in the program which is supposedly also not a religious program. Find perfect contentment in basing their higher power off of a basic model that christianity imposed on them at some earlier point in their lives. And they like to end meetings with the Our Father prayer. I never join in on those.
That used to be something that was a hang up for me, but now I just see it for what it is and recognize that I'm in a room full of drug addicts and alcoholics, not philosophers or free thinkers. It's only natural they would adopt something familiar to them for their conceptual understandings.
Yeah step 3 is where i stopped a few months ago. I just dont believe in anything outside myself. The workbook had me pissed off and scribbing a bunch if stuff in the margins like βthis is stupid as fuck. I dont believe this.β lol. And sponsor just kept telling me to meditate and work on it, or ACT as if i believed. Took me a year to do those 3 steps. Finally I was just so fucking fed up. Taking an extended break, -
2020-06-13 at 7:14 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Yeah step 3 is where i stopped a few months ago. I just dont believe in anything outside myself. The workbook had me pissed off and scribbing a bunch if stuff in the margins like βthis is stupid as fuck. I dont believe this.β lol. And sponsor just kept telling me to meditate and work on it, or ACT as if i believed. Took me a year to do those 3 steps. Finally I was just so fucking fed up. Taking an extended break,
I think a lot of the time a sponsor cam be too inept to understand where a person is coming from enough to help them the way they really require. Such are humans. My mentor taught me that everyone has a use, and as fucked up as that sounds it helps me get over things that piss me off about those people and utilize them for my benefit. I dont have an issue with this type of thinking because I know who I am, and I'm trying to become a better person for myself, my family, my friends and whoever I may meet.
Also I hate when someone gives me advice when all I want to do is vent. So, I really feel that of I step up my game enough, I can prevent people from doing things that upset. Such as letting a person know before I decide to open up about what's bothering me, which is tough for me to do to begin with, to please not try and fix my situation. -
2020-06-13 at 7:21 PM UTCDo they just assign you a sponsor or how does that work?
