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The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)
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2020-05-12 at 12:18 AM UTCI'm gonna pretend to get shot just so you can carry me back to base :3The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-12 at 12:24 AM UTCMeh gerrhed
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2020-05-12 at 12:43 AM UTCFubi got pretty bad but i dont think he was quite as bad. Like i combined all the isolation and regression of Malice with a monster habit. My body is half ruined. Ive seen success stories, but its usually like “i had to have all the tendons in my arm and neck removed after an abscess , and after 6 years ive almost got 70% mobility back”
One of the questions in the million questions thread was like “what was your happiest memory” or something. And i just literally dont remember the last time i FELT good. Sometimes i feel okay, and thats great. Or im high or drunk and i dont feel much or anythjng which is also nice. But i dont remember last time i was happy. I dont even know how to smile in pictures.
I dont think he ever got quite this bad. -
2020-05-12 at 12:50 AM UTCBro seriously all I picturing is me, Dregz, you and §m£ÂgØL taking fire
Oct: "Muh fucka',no leave niggurh behind!
§m£ÂgØL: muh fuckhers: raises and shoots gun at all the Nonces. (Pure Nonces gettin'spreaded)
Dregz: Emergherd FUCK YOU! (Stabs a Nonces to death)
Oct: "C'mon let's get to tha' choppa'!"
All 4 of us escaping to freedom!The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-12 at 12:55 AM UTCNONCE HEAVY 10 OCLOCK!!
*pulls pin and tosses noncegrenade, consisting of the sweat of menopausal women*
*screams of agony in the distance* -
2020-05-12 at 12:55 AM UTCAnd then orgy after???
Who's in? Brogy! Brogy! We can give each other brojobs and tug each other's brocock -
2020-05-12 at 2:06 AM UTCPure sweaty man bro
(Oct, §m£ÂgØL & Dregz) gettin to da choppa. Vinnie Nonce gets two in my shoulder. §m£ÂgØL pulls me into the chopper. **Grabs Gatlin gun**
(Mows pure Warios,blood
splatter everywhere). Both §m£ÂgØL & Dregz take a shot and fall back. [Helicopter takes off].
Wariat picks up rocket launcher.
Oct: " Emerghered, FINISH HIM!**
**Dregz balances rocket launcher on bleeding §m£ÂgØLs' shoulder.**
"Muh fucker"
***pulls trigger***
(Nonce base destroyed)
***§m£ÂgØL strokes Oct as he bleeds to death***The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-12 at 2:08 AM UTCYou guys are cute💜The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-12 at 2:09 AM UTCMuh fuckin' bros yoThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-12 at 3:41 AM UTCCASPER You can say your brain doesn't work but I see it working. I HAVE BEEN FEELING LIKE A PALE SHADE OF MYSELF FOR A FUCKING DECADE. I've literally been making threads about that since zoklet and have only been getting worse. I can tell your brain still fires. Methadone will turn the toughest brain to mush and I can tell you still have an edge to it. I've been doing opiates and many other substances (being briefly addicted to all major drugs and drug groups besides meth although have cocaine and methylphenidate as substitutes) for 17 years (over half my life) and come from a long line of depressed alcoholics. Although my brain is mush and I'm horribly addicted to pills, I'm somehow making more money legally than I have in a long time (or really...ever) and do not feel I am at a risk for returning to prison. Beyond however your brain feels YOU HAVE A LOT TO OFFER THE WORLD AND THE WORLD HAS A LOT TO OFFER YOU IF YOU OPEN YOURSELF TO IT
Bro, I can't pretend to know your situation fully, or even 2% of it, but I do know as an objective observer that your fucking life has meaning and not only to you. You might feel meaningless and worthless but I assure you you are not. You have a story (lots actually) to tell and there will be a resolution and a denouement and a hero and an afterward and maybe a fucking sequel or two. You have a lot to give and offer. The first part sucked but you have to learn some lessons along the way in order to create something lasting. You're just beginning to live man, even if it doesn't feel like it and instead feels like you're sleepwalking yourself to death. It's going to get better if you let it.
I think you need intimacy too. You've got an awesome soul that needs a companion.I think if you find this, or at least a moment or two where you feel a combination that makes sense and you feel less alone, you will feel like you belong a lot more. You deserve a lot man, God knows you do and you're going to get it when the time is right. Fucking watch it happenThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-12 at 3:53 AM UTCnonce^The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-12 at 11:39 AM UTC
Originally posted by Stopffs I wish I could give you a big momma bear hug and go for a really long walk, which wouldn’t seem long at all while we came up with realistic goals and an action plan to get you moving forward in the direction that’s best for you. I think you are worth it. I also believe I could help you help yourself and in turn It would help me too.
You are a gem! You just gotta get in the hands of people who know your true worth. I mean that literally.
Yeah i def could use some direction. Treading water feels like the best i can do now. The physical part is getting to me too though. A 5 min walk gets painful enough to stop me in my tracks. Its just constant, and it certainly seems like its here to stay, and that scares the shit out of me. Its a lot easier to think of all the things i wont be able to do, rather than envision anything i will.
anyway....*hug*The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-12 at 12:47 PM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo CASPER You can say your brain doesn't work but I see it working. I HAVE BEEN FEELING LIKE A PALE SHADE OF MYSELF FOR A FUCKING DECADE. I've literally been making threads about that since zoklet and have only been getting worse. I can tell your brain still fires. Methadone will turn the toughest brain to mush and I can tell you still have an edge to it. I've been doing opiates and many other substances (being briefly addicted to all major drugs and drug groups besides meth although have cocaine and methylphenidate as substitutes) for 17 years (over half my life) and come from a long line of depressed alcoholics. Although my brain is mush and I'm horribly addicted to pills, I'm somehow making more money legally than I have in a long time (or really…ever) and do not feel I am at a risk for returning to prison. Beyond however your brain feels YOU HAVE A LOT TO OFFER THE WORLD AND THE WORLD HAS A LOT TO OFFER YOU IF YOU OPEN YOURSELF TO IT
Bro, I can't pretend to know your situation fully, or even 2% of it, but I do know as an objective observer that your fucking life has meaning and not only to you. You might feel meaningless and worthless but I assure you you are not. You have a story (lots actually) to tell and there will be a resolution and a denouement and a hero and an afterward and maybe a fucking sequel or two. You have a lot to give and offer. The first part sucked but you have to learn some lessons along the way in order to create something lasting. You're just beginning to live man, even if it doesn't feel like it and instead feels like you're sleepwalking yourself to death. It's going to get better if you let it.
I think you need intimacy too. You've got an awesome soul that needs a companion.I think if you find this, or at least a moment or two where you feel a combination that makes sense and you feel less alone, you will feel like you belong a lot more. You deserve a lot man, God knows you do and you're going to get it when the time is right. Fucking watch it happen
Ugh refreshed the page and deleted my shit.
Anyway. Ngl that made me tear up a bit broski.
Idk im sure things would get better i just dk how much better. Id say dont feel like myself but i dont even know what “myself” is. Cutting my own hair this week, i realized its the first time in 31 years ive chosen my own haircut. I just kept getting the same thing i started getting when i was 4 bc it was he default and i didnt have to worry about something being wrong, or making a wrong decision. Same fucking haircut for 27 years. Thats pretty much my life in a nutshell. I just dont feel right. Yeah theres something in there but its all globbed together and disconnected and insulated. Nothing feels automatic or effortless or coherent anymore, and its exhausting just doing simple shit. Like i put off rewriting this post for like 8 hours because typing things seemed like toomuch work. lol.
Im sure some of it is the drugs, but ive been on less than 6mg methadone for a couple months now, and less than 10 for like 4 months. I thought certain th8ngs would start getting better but It feels like im just getting worse. Maybe withdrawal. Idk. Its not even a specific thing its the totality of everything. The physical stuff. The pain. The relationships i fucked up and people i alienated. The selfish, fucked up, cringey shit i did. Being so spineless (omg that symbolsim) for so long. Still not having any direction whatsoever. Not being able to take pride in anything. Giving up doing the one thing i was ever really good at, bc its incompatible with who id want to be. Just feeling broke down and fucked up and angry and old and hardly a man. I remember feeling despondent on drugs, but i dont remember feeling quite this shitty. This is like 3D Depression lol. It just permeates every second im awake, and i want to wrap my hands around its fucking throat but all it is, is me. And me is tired. And me is just running on fumes, and knows problems dont fix themselves. And fixing problems takes vision and spiritual energy and hope, all of which hes sorely lacking right now.
I think theres always a possibility things will get better, but theres every possibility things stay the sameor god forbid get worse. I just straight up cant do this another 5 years. Full stop. Im okay sometimes but im not enjoying anything. i keep wondering at what point is it okay to make that decision. Like obviously theres a point. Most people understand a terminally ill patient opting out? What about being terminally fucked up?
Definitely need intimacy. I was just thinking the other day, i miss just cruising with someone. Driving out somewhere in the middle of the night to get some super unhealthy food. Everyone i knew from drugs i pretty much stopped talking to. I stopped talking to people like 9 months before I quit so I think its been like 2 or 3 years since i really hung out with anyone. Im too exhausted to really be lonely anymore though. Its more like remembering a snippet of a melody to a song and thinking “I wish i remembered what that was from”.
idk.
Thanks. -
2020-05-17 at 4:05 PM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo CASPER You can say your brain doesn't work but I see it working. I HAVE BEEN FEELING LIKE A PALE SHADE OF MYSELF FOR A FUCKING DECADE. I've literally been making threads about that since zoklet and have only been getting worse. I can tell your brain still fires. Methadone will turn the toughest brain to mush and I can tell you still have an edge to it. I've been doing opiates and many other substances (being briefly addicted to all major drugs and drug groups besides meth although have cocaine and methylphenidate as substitutes) for 17 years (over half my life) and come from a long line of depressed alcoholics. Although my brain is mush and I'm horribly addicted to pills, I'm somehow making more money legally than I have in a long time (or really…ever) and do not feel I am at a risk for returning to prison. Beyond however your brain feels YOU HAVE A LOT TO OFFER THE WORLD AND THE WORLD HAS A LOT TO OFFER YOU IF YOU OPEN YOURSELF TO IT
Bro, I can't pretend to know your situation fully, or even 2% of it, but I do know as an objective observer that your fucking life has meaning and not only to you. You might feel meaningless and worthless but I assure you you are not. You have a story (lots actually) to tell and there will be a resolution and a denouement and a hero and an afterward and maybe a fucking sequel or two. You have a lot to give and offer. The first part sucked but you have to learn some lessons along the way in order to create something lasting. You're just beginning to live man, even if it doesn't feel like it and instead feels like you're sleepwalking yourself to death. It's going to get better if you let it.
I think you need intimacy too. You've got an awesome soul that needs a companion.I think if you find this, or at least a moment or two where you feel a combination that makes sense and you feel less alone, you will feel like you belong a lot more. You deserve a lot man, God knows you do and you're going to get it when the time is right. Fucking watch it happen
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2020-05-17 at 4:10 PM UTCSudo is still a piece of shit even if he gets clean
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2020-05-17 at 4:13 PM UTC
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace Sudo is still a piece of shit even if he gets clean
Brother Sudo can change §m£ÂgØL we all have our crosses to bare.
I myself have suffered the idignity of addiction. In all honesty although someone changes, they are truly never free of addiction. I remember a Heroin addict telling me 20 years can pass and you will still think about getting a hit.
Fuck, that must be tough man. -
2020-05-17 at 4:29 PM UTC
Originally posted by Octavian Brother Sudo can change §m£ÂgØL we all have our crosses to bare.
I myself have suffered the idignity of addiction. In all honesty although someone changes, they are truly never free of addiction. I remember a Heroin addict telling me 20 years can pass and you will still think about getting a hit.
Fuck, that must be tough man.
He is immoral and not a good person. Being an addict isn't a part of that. I've been addicted to opiates myself. I don't give a fuck.
If you're lying to your girlfriend about your drug use, and are cheating on them, you have a serious problem with honesty, and it's not the drug's fault.
Maybe he can change but usually if people don't change by their 30's they won't ever. People don't change that much. Maybe for a while, when they try, but you can't force yourself to be a different person; Sudo can't force himself to stop being a liar. -
2020-05-17 at 5:34 PM UTCI really hope I can stay off the Caine.
I've alienated just about anyone who would sniff a line with me lol. -
2020-05-17 at 6:28 PM UTC
Originally posted by Octavian I really hope I can stay off the Caine.
I've alienated just about anyone who would sniff a line with me lol.
Thats a really important step nigga.
I feel bad for people who pick up the habit of copping anywhere. They can go to any city and find drugs within minutes. Has to be hard to stay away when you're used to buying it as easily as most people buy beer.
Might be lonely cutting yourself off but lonely is better than getting chained up in addiction again. Thankfully most of my good friends keep it pretty mild with drugs. Year or two ago we cut an alcoholic friend out of the group after he tried to run one of them over while drunk. Can't be around people like thatThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-17 at 7:06 PM UTCvehicular homicide was also a no-no in my circle
