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The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)
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2020-05-10 at 10:33 PM UTCI'm pretty sure the only solution is to be busy and fulfilled in life so that you don't have any holes to fill with drugs, but I'm pretty sure it's not possible after using drugs to the extent a lot of us have.
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2020-05-10 at 10:36 PM UTC
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2020-05-11 at 10:36 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sophie How long until you get the shakes?
they usually sneak up on me. examples i'll sit at red light in my car or on the rare occasions i bus standing up ready to get off at my stop and it'll happen as the light turns green or the bus door opens and i will literally swerve the car into the wrong lane or throw myself off the bus because i can't grip for shit. can't hang onto anything. i rarely get them though no matter how much i drink. so i'm really lucky i haven't killed myself in those rare occasions when i have gotten them. cooking especially bbq'ing can be decided tough at times on me too
@Casper Damn dude. I ain't get the right words right maybe ever but I do hope you get through this more direst of plights. Those blackened clouds of tired, misery..and shit seem like they will last forever and they do but find the light in your life and mind before you turn into me
Find Jesus, create a cult and you'd be a fat ass version of Charlie Manson, make some babies with frala, daddyissues, and Kinks. I don't know. Once you get to my age...so fucking tired of this, that, everything will seem like a cake walk.
Oh does anybody have diabetes on here? besides googling the shit can anybody tell me what its like to actually have it? I think I got it from my pussy...or shit is just catching up to me quick. -
2020-05-11 at 5:45 PM UTCThis is a super accurate representation of how i feel.
Like...im so fucking depressed and isolated that i cant even be verbal with people anymore. Suddenly it makes sense. Like one of those caged animals that goes insane. Like i avoid HAIRCUTS because having to sit and small talk with someone for 30 min is UNCOMFORTABLE for me. its fucked. Whenever i have to talk on the phone,the most i can manage is a few monosyllabic grunts. I just feel fucking retarded. Theres nothing to talk about. I might as well have pulled up a chair and stared at a wall for 13 years.
Going to my job seems pointless. its cheaper to hire me than to design automation to have robots do my job. buying nice clothes seems pointless. Shaving and grooming myself and basic hygeine seems like a complete fucking ordeal. Dating seems fucking pointless. Taking medications for things im just going to have to deal with later seems pointless. Being nice to people and common courtesy feels some elaborate display.
Everything is fucking exhausting. But it is what it is. A lot of people are dealing with a lot worse shit. -
2020-05-11 at 9:11 PM UTC
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2020-05-11 at 9:14 PM UTCI hope I get a bullet to the head. I've always fantasized about the immediacey, the quick end to all that worries. A bullet to head is an honorable death.
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2020-05-11 at 9:18 PM UTCCasper, I genuinely fucking hate talking on the phone. I would rather meet someone face to face than over the phone. Text is fine. But phones are the fucking worst. No time to think and you can't see their face to gauge their response/reaction. I tend to account for this by being overtly nice on the phone when calling insurance and making appointments, idk
"Nope that should do it, thanks so much for your help you've been awesome I hope you have a wonderful day Brittany"
And I do remember their names too because I write everything down when i'm on the phone. I need to say my name? I write my name down. I need to give an account number? I write it down. If it's sensitive I scribble over it before trashing but I need a pen in my hand when I'm on the phone or I get worried about forgetting stuff. -
2020-05-11 at 9:28 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER This is a super accurate representation of how i feel.
Like…im so fucking depressed and isolated that i cant even be verbal with people anymore. Suddenly it makes sense. Like one of those caged animals that goes insane. Like i avoid HAIRCUTS because having to sit and small talk with someone for 30 min is UNCOMFORTABLE for me. its fucked. Whenever i have to talk on the phone,the most i can manage is a few monosyllabic grunts. I just feel fucking retarded. Theres nothing to talk about. I might as well have pulled up a chair and stared at a wall for 13 years.
Going to my job seems pointless. its cheaper to hire me than to design automation to have robots do my job. buying nice clothes seems pointless. Shaving and grooming myself and basic hygeine seems like a complete fucking ordeal. Dating seems fucking pointless. Taking medications for things im just going to have to deal with later seems pointless. Being nice to people and common courtesy feels some elaborate display.
Everything is fucking exhausting. But it is what it is. A lot of people are dealing with a lot worse shit.
Bro I wrote a deep worded response but the page refreshed and I nearly smashed the monitor. Like... if you killed yourself, I know that post would have helped/saved you.
You have all the ingriedients to succeed. You don't need to change, you just need to be more of YOURSELF. We all see this daily, this online person, not PERSONA, I refuse to believe it's a concept. You are what you are, cause when you're online that person deep within you comes out. The one that gives us advice, the one we can all go to. I want you to believe in yourself, and to know life owes you a decent slice of a real future. We don't depend, we LOOK UP to you.
That has to mean something. Cause if you give up, then what kind of inspiration is that?
That is the kind of person you are. DO-NOT-GIVE-UP. -
2020-05-11 at 9:33 PM UTC
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace Casper, I genuinely fucking hate talking on the phone. I would rather meet someone face to face than over the phone. Text is fine. But phones are the fucking worst. No time to think and you can't see their face to gauge their response/reaction. I tend to account for this by being overtly nice on the phone when calling insurance and making appointments, idk
"Nope that should do it, thanks so much for your help you've been awesome I hope you have a wonderful day Brittany"
And I do remember their names too because I write everything down when i'm on the phone. I need to say my name? I write my name down. I need to give an account number? I write it down. If it's sensitive I scribble over it before trashing but I need a pen in my hand when I'm on the phone or I get worried about forgetting stuff.
Ditto. I had to make a note of 2 of the physucal therapists today bc im so foggy, ive been there for 2 months now and I still dont remember anyones names. Meghan and Lauren. I think the younger girl might be Mitzy. Ink.
But yeah im the same way. I talked to Cap n someone else last night and my brain just doesnt work right. When i type things it seems like my brain fires more normally. Having to be verbal feels like trying to chop vegetables with my non dominant hand.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-11 at 9:41 PM UTC^^^This is also why Casper should write a book.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-11 at 9:52 PM UTC
Originally posted by Octavian Bro I wrote a deep worded response but the page refreshed and I nearly smashed the monitor. Like… if you killed yourself, I know that post would have helped/saved you.
You have all the ingriedients to succeed. You don't need to change, you just need to be more of YOURSELF. We all see this daily, this online person, not PERSONA, I refuse to believe it's a concept. You are what you are, cause when you're online that person deep within you comes out. The one that gives us advice, the one we can all go to. I want you to believe in yourself, and to know life owes you a decent slice of a real future. We don't depend, we LOOK UP to you.
That has to mean something. Cause if you give up, then what kind of inspiration is that?
That is the kind of person you are. DO-NOT-GIVE-UP.
Thanks man. That means a lot. Like...i intellectually acknowledge ive improved a lot. And im also a terminal realist. Wishful thinking just doesnt become me. i have to acknowledge that there are some pretty major physical and logostical limitations now. Like im turning 32 pretty soon. Could i take out a loan and start law school this year? Yeah probably. But id be almost 40 before i finished, and be massively in debt. I jst feel like I dont have the luxury of making some of the choices id want to make. Could i move out right now and would it i prove my mental state? Itd be really difficult but i could pull it off. But now that my moms been unemployed for 2 years, and is almost 70, i feel like i cant leave her here. All the years she put up with my bullshit, it seems irresponsible to just let her fend for herself.
I feel like a prolific guitar player who has an arm amputated. Sure you can say “one day ill be able to play again”. But youll never be anything near what you were. And if what you were is something fundamentally important to you. Is a new life of compromise and incompleteness worth living to you?
Im not even like....”sad depressed” anymore. Im just exhausted. And im 31. I cant imagine feeling this broken down and numb if i were 70.Theres just no inputs. Nothing interests me. Nothing feels worth it. Every day is groundhog day. I forget what day it is. What time it is. I forget laundry in the washer and it mildews. I forget I was hungry a d theres shit burning in the oven. I forget im behind the wheel of the car for a split second. I dont feel like ME. “Me” just feels like a little animal in the cave of my head, and all my muscles and bones and ligaments are just this tightly wound fraying cord and wet, heavy blankets stapled into the meat of my shoulders and back and legs.
I have noimmediate plans to do anything. Theres a little toxic spark of hope that always has me think that i can work my way out of any situation. That no matter how bad something gets, i can always game way way through it. But im starting to learn that its not the case. I gave Malice shit bc i felt like he didnt try enough to make things better. So at least im trying. Even though I really dont feel like trying. If nothing else,just being a little bit more of the person i want to be, and less and less of who I was. But i acknowledge that life is chaos and things dont work according to how we think they should and sometimes things just dont get better. I dont think anyone should feel some moral obligation to stay needlessly suffering if theres no need to. Ofc theres the animal anxiety and wanting to stay conscious as long as possible, but objectively theres nothing more special about this hunk of meat and any other.
Idk.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-11 at 10:05 PM UTCcasper srs write a book. Just diary that shit and organize it later. Publish under a psuedonym. Do it and don't tell anyone here. Except for me of course, because I really want to read your book. I feel like you could write the 21st century version of Junkie.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-11 at 10:29 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Thanks man. That means a lot. Like…i intellectually acknowledge ive improved a lot. And im also a terminal realist. Wishful thinking just doesnt become me. i have to acknowledge that there are some pretty major physical and logostical limitations now. Like im turning 32 pretty soon. Could i take out a loan and start law school this year? Yeah probably. But id be almost 40 before i finished, and be massively in debt. I jst feel like I dont have the luxury of making some of the choices id want to make. Could i move out right now and would it i prove my mental state? Itd be really difficult but i could pull it off. But now that my moms been unemployed for 2 years, and is almost 70, i feel like i cant leave her here. All the years she put up with my bullshit, it seems irresponsible to just let her fend for herself.
I feel like a prolific guitar player who has an arm amputated. Sure you can say “one day ill be able to play again”. But youll never be anything near what you were. And if what you were is something fundamentally important to you. Is a new life of compromise and incompleteness worth living to you?
Im not even like….”sad depressed” anymore. Im just exhausted. And im 31. I cant imagine feeling this broken down and numb if i were 70.Theres just no inputs. Nothing interests me. Nothing feels worth it. Every day is groundhog day. I forget what day it is. What time it is. I forget laundry in the washer and it mildews. I forget I was hungry a d theres shit burning in the oven. I forget im behind the wheel of the car for a split second. I dont feel like ME. “Me” just feels like a little animal in the cave of my head, and all my muscles and bones and ligaments are just this tightly wound fraying cord and wet, heavy blankets stapled into the meat of my shoulders and back and legs.
I have noimmediate plans to do anything. Theres a little toxic spark of hope that always has me think that i can work my way out of any situation. That no matter how bad something gets, i can always game way way through it. But im starting to learn that its not the case. I gave Malice shit bc i felt like he didnt try enough to make things better. So at least im trying. Even though I really dont feel like trying. If nothing else,just being a little bit more of the person i want to be, and less and less of who I was. But i acknowledge that life is chaos and things dont work according to how we think they should and sometimes things just dont get better. I dont think anyone should feel some moral obligation to stay needlessly suffering if theres no need to. Ofc theres the animal anxiety and wanting to stay conscious as long as possible, but objectively theres nothing more special about this hunk of meat and any other.
Idk.
I wish I could give you a big momma bear hug and go for a really long walk, which wouldn’t seem long at all while we came up with realistic goals and an action plan to get you moving forward in the direction that’s best for you. I think you are worth it. I also believe I could help you help yourself and in turn It would help me too.
You are a gem! You just gotta get in the hands of people who know your true worth. I mean that literally.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-11 at 10:46 PM UTC
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2020-05-11 at 11:42 PM UTCYep, yeah. Defiantly mane. Thats lifr nigg strait up the pussy
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2020-05-11 at 11:49 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Thanks man. That means a lot. Like…i intellectually acknowledge ive improved a lot. And im also a terminal realist. Wishful thinking just doesnt become me. i have to acknowledge that there are some pretty major physical and logostical limitations now. Like im turning 32 pretty soon. Could i take out a loan and start law school this year? Yeah probably. But id be almost 40 before i finished, and be massively in debt. I jst feel like I dont have the luxury of making some of the choices id want to make. Could i move out right now and would it i prove my mental state? Itd be really difficult but i could pull it off. But now that my moms been unemployed for 2 years, and is almost 70, i feel like i cant leave her here. All the years she put up with my bullshit, it seems irresponsible to just let her fend for herself.
I feel like a prolific guitar player who has an arm amputated. Sure you can say “one day ill be able to play again”. But youll never be anything near what you were. And if what you were is something fundamentally important to you. Is a new life of compromise and incompleteness worth living to you?
Im not even like….”sad depressed” anymore. Im just exhausted. And im 31. I cant imagine feeling this broken down and numb if i were 70.Theres just no inputs. Nothing interests me. Nothing feels worth it. Every day is groundhog day. I forget what day it is. What time it is. I forget laundry in the washer and it mildews. I forget I was hungry a d theres shit burning in the oven. I forget im behind the wheel of the car for a split second. I dont feel like ME. “Me” just feels like a little animal in the cave of my head, and all my muscles and bones and ligaments are just this tightly wound fraying cord and wet, heavy blankets stapled into the meat of my shoulders and back and legs.
I have noimmediate plans to do anything. Theres a little toxic spark of hope that always has me think that i can work my way out of any situation. That no matter how bad something gets, i can always game way way through it. But im starting to learn that its not the case. I gave Malice shit bc i felt like he didnt try enough to make things better. So at least im trying. Even though I really dont feel like trying. If nothing else,just being a little bit more of the person i want to be, and less and less of who I was. But i acknowledge that life is chaos and things dont work according to how we think they should and sometimes things just dont get better. I dont think anyone should feel some moral obligation to stay needlessly suffering if theres no need to. Ofc theres the animal anxiety and wanting to stay conscious as long as possible, but objectively theres nothing more special about this hunk of meat and any other.
Idk.
BRO
I'm like 2 seconds from resurrecting a true OG Totse Nig who actually has made it (Fubi) Someone who has been what you have been through, H 'n all. You CAN DO THIS NIG! Be the Sensai you was meant to be! -
2020-05-12 at 12:08 AM UTCTell fubi I still have nightmares of his helicopter dick.
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2020-05-12 at 12:08 AM UTCNightmares, but mostly dreams.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-12 at 12:11 AM UTC
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-12 at 12:12 AM UTCI don't give a fuck. I am proud §m£ÂgØL will be there to pick.y corpse up cause that what true bros are.
