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The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)
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2020-04-12 at 10:30 PM UTC
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2020-04-12 at 10:33 PM UTCI've drank a lot since the lockdown but there's been no strange spots or itching as of late.
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2020-04-12 at 10:50 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Im debating blowing off NA. The meetings are cancelled anyway so everyone would forget about me and not hound me for a bit. I do t have any plans to start doing heroin or oxy or fent or coke again…………………….but if i DID………… a global pandemic keeping me from the meetings that were MY LAST LIFELINE TO SOBRIETY would be a pretty solid reason. Ive been in the shit a year and a half i think. and im on step 3. I mean having all 12 under the best seems like another cool junkie milestone but fuck if im going to be alive long enough to do that shit and go write gay hallmark cards to everyone i fucked over. I mean parts of the program are great, esp at the beginning. But i think i can distill it down a bit further. 1) Check your impulses. Run your decisions by people less crazy than you, 2) Be mindful. 3) Be of service. Helping people gives you peace. 4) Dont stress over things you cant control, and dont be too cowardly to engage the things that youre passionate about. 5) You can decide to be a different person every day. It doesnt absolve you of responsibility, but you can work towards alleviating guilt by putting more good into the world than you took frim it,
Shit like that. If i want ti smoke a bowl and a have 3 or 4 vodka sodas at a live blues bar once a month, i shouldnt lose all my stickers and self respect. It wasnt being a weak willed individual that got me addicted. It was a combination of being socially awkward without a way to relate to people…and mostly the indcredibly physically addictive shit i was putting into my body 6 or 7 times a day bc everything else id ever been told about drugs was a lie.
Thats my update. lol.
Is "embrace the pain" helpful advice?
Maybe it's what you need to do.
Choose life. -
2020-04-12 at 10:58 PM UTC
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2020-04-12 at 11:25 PM UTC
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2020-04-12 at 11:33 PM UTCi do work out in the afternoon or morning. or sometimes esrlier before sll this would go to 24 hour gym or boxing or even mma class and stilld rank right after.
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2020-04-13 at 12:05 AM UTCNawh don't blow it off, sobriety is worth too much...but i don't think you would do drugs if you didn't go.
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2020-04-13 at 12:12 AM UTCno i get the negatives of it. but sometimes its so borimg beimg sober.
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2020-04-13 at 12:13 AM UTC
Originally posted by mashlehash Nawh don't blow it off, sobriety is worth too much…but i don't think you would do drugs if you didn't go.
Sobriety ain't worth shit. I am sober often enough and i hate it. I'd be high all day in every situation, if it wasn't a diminishing returns sort of affair. And if serious withdrawal wasn't a problem. I've engineered my drug use to be only able to occur for two to three days out of the week, then i have to be sober. The good thing about it is that it sort of resets my tolerance to a level that i can enjoy everything i get, but it sucks in the sense i have to be sober.
TBH, after three days Oxy and Fent just knock me out. I don't enjoy that, so i'm always pharma speedballing with Ritalin. -
2020-04-13 at 12:50 AM UTCRitalin? Get real drugs if you're going to shoot up.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-04-13 at 1:55 AM UTC
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2020-04-13 at 1:56 AM UTCHm. Still, Ritalin had only ever seemed to help me in an area of concentration and focus.
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2020-04-13 at 2:02 AM UTC
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2020-04-13 at 2:04 AM UTCMan I wanna make an introspective post too but I really am not even capable of it rn. So I will just say GOOD LUCK CASPER and return soon
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2020-04-13 at 2:24 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo Man I wanna make an introspective post too but I really am not even capable of it rn. So I will just say GOOD LUCK CASPER and return soon
yeah thx. i feel the same. Im too exhausted from the pain and depression to fight anything. I mean ive restructured my life so drug abuse is nolonger an option but if there are things i can do to make my life more liveable, at this point im like fuck it. At least im more aware now. i noticed i was co pulsively shoving down 3 acetaminophen every couple of hours even though it wouldnt do much, and i had to question why i was doing that. -
2020-04-13 at 2:34 AM UTC
Originally posted by Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country Is "embrace the pain" helpful advice?
Maybe it's what you need to do.
Choose life.
Idk i feel like life never chose me. Like a piece of steel that the smith never tempered and finished. everythings bubbling cracking all the time under the slightest stress and im tired and angry all the time. I dont feel like doing anything stupid, but all these rules and considerations- esp a lot of them involving a higher power- just dont seem to mesh with that i believe no matter how hard i try. Aside frommaking me write better, i dont even like weed anymore, and even the gabapentin and soma make me feel fucking retarded. But im just fucking miserable so if ican augment that in any way that i can reasonably assess to not cause me long term headaches, idk why im even torturing myself anymore. i have to get in my car like twice a day now to leave the house or walk out of work for a few min to cry and yell bc im so. fucking, exhausted. And angry. At myself i guess. Just to go through all these years and all this bullshit to get super dooper sober and somehow i feel worse now than i ever did high. All the health issues and shit happening at the same time. The crystallization of all the fucked up decisions ive made. Its pretty demoralizing.
Idk. Its the same reason i buy homeless people vodka and have given them dope. I want them to get better and be happy and healthy. But when youre living in a dirty tarp behind a 7-11 with big painful abcesses on your arms and a mouth half fullof rotting teeth, you dontwant to talk about god or hope or whatever. You just want to stop hurting for a bit. I identify with that like a motherfucker. -
2020-04-13 at 2:38 AM UTCI feel like a clock withthe hands running 8n opposite directions. Sometimes theyll overlap. And when it falls i to place im introspective and kind and eat well and im unselfish and honest and hopeful. But when that shits not clicking, its a whole lot of work to hold everything together until that next wave of peace and acceptance rolls around again. Idk if being a teetotaler is balance. It just feels like the polar opposite of being a junkie.
Idk. Im just throwing shit at the wall, Ill probably be all about it again next week. -
2020-04-13 at 2:57 AM UTCI'm confused am I hearing relapse talk?
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2020-04-13 at 3:12 AM UTCidk it depends how you define relapse. I mean im still on methadone so theres not much βreβ to lapse from. I kinda want to just get drunk and smoke weed and eat the less-fun pills at leastintil i feel like im not walking with a handful of rusty nails in my hip and im not exhausted and sweating and shitting myself 8 or 10 times a day.
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2020-04-13 at 3:33 AM UTCI've being drinking 2 bottles of wine every 2 days. Only had relapse thoughts first couple of days.
Not making a habit of this otherwise I'm at risk of making my addictions WORSE. Why can't my life be simple.
Addictions suck.
