2020-03-13 at 1:45 AM UTC
Obviously it's no tale out of the schoolyard that I enjoy my alcoholic beverages, which play a significant factor into it, much like they do with anyone.
For example though, I went to Aldi earlier today, after I had just eaten a hearty meal, so I wasnt inclined to look at every grocery item and think to myself 'ohmygod that looks so fucking good right now' and buy everything.
The trip went fine and my mind works weird in that I almost didnt want to buy ANYTHING. When I'm not hungry my brain literally feels like its never gonna be hungry again. I was walking by chips and fruit drinks and hamburger and ice cream (all things I love) just thinking meh that doesn't sound good right now since I'm not hungry, therefore I dont want it and I will never want it.
So ultimately i bought like 40 dollars worth of groceries and blah blah blah.
So anyway i get home and i have a few ales and I get a hunger tickle. I bought a 99 cent whatever their brand is of pringles thing, and decide to crack it open. Next thing I know I'm like 2/3rds of the way through it because everytime I grab a chip I always grab like 4 or 5.
Why???? LOL. why cant I just reach in and eat 1 pringle at a time? What is the satisfaction of putting 3 pringles in my mouth rather than 1? It takes me the same amount of time to chew 1 than it does 3. But there is this weird compulsory thing about eating a cluster of them rather than 1.
Whatever. thats just a small example I guess. Like some people who eat chips will literally eat a dorito in 2 or 3 bites, taking little sectional nibbles off an individual chip. That's very difficult for me to do, but I feel like if I could train my brain to do it it would be much more beneficial to me.
I won't even get into drugs and how it's only smart for me to buy small amounts lest I just get fucked up and want to consume ALL THE DRUGS.
anyway, thoughts? Prayers?
2020-03-13 at 1:49 AM UTC
Neuro lingusitic programming. Shit works 'yo.
2020-03-13 at 1:52 AM UTC
you will be one of the last to die when the grid goes down
It's weird not knowing what you want from life. Like sometimes I just want to be "normal" and sometimes I want to be Nermal , Garfield's friend. Male friend, weirdly. He wears a fucking pink bowtie or something.
But I dont want to be normal either.
Nothing seems to satisfy. That might be how it always is for me. At the end of the day I just want to dance to good bass vibes and emotional music, talk shit, and whatever. WHATEVER.
Fuckin MORALLY SUPERIOR BEING said his experience with socially anxious people is most of them are making it up as an excuse to be LAZY. That didnt really resonate with me and I dont get it . I'm not lazy but I am. But social anxiety .... i dont understand how that translates to lazy.
People get divorced from the loves of their lives. People that feel those connections. You complete me. You understand me. You get me . And then divorced a few years later. The mind is a wanderer.
Lol. Im just kind of spouting thoughts here.
2020-03-13 at 3:37 AM UTC
No keep worrying. Life is suffering, there is nothing else
2020-03-13 at 3:50 AM UTC
I don't know why my topic got turned into worrying. It wasn't about worrying.
2020-03-13 at 4:11 AM UTC
Topic is now about worrying.
2020-03-13 at 4:32 AM UTC
Prolly more like the ones that ate ur brain, emo. Don't kill yourself over it 😝
2020-03-13 at 4:37 AM UTC
Originally posted by DontTellEm
Prolly more like the ones that ate ur brain, emo. Don't kill yourself over it 😝
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2020-03-13 at 4:52 AM UTC
So speaking of self control. Here I got 6 beers in me and decided to go MY BAR. the bowler. The one where I get in fights and also dont and know everyone.
I swore I wasnt gonna go there and then I did. Fine. I said. "Fine. Just go and play a shoe of blackjack and leave." That never happens.
Long story short in walked in and saw Tim the Faggot (that's his real name) and said hi. We hugged and exchanged pleasantries and I said I'm gonna go check out the gambling end of the barn.
I scooted down there amidst the throngs of faggot college kids and saw Michelle and told her to charge my phone and give me a Morgan coke. That happened.
I said hi to Dave and Jameson two regulars that I know. I went to the BJ table and played alone for 3 hands and lost ten dollars right quick.
Then two literal rich homosexuals came and sat on either side of me and just laughed and made a bunch of cringy blackjack comments while i sat there deadpan ignoring them and looking straight ahead while i played my 3 dollar hands and they played their 25 dollar hands.
I won every hand lol and they lost most of theirs. I didnt acknowledge them even once because it was all disgusting to me. Vicki was the dealer who love but I told her I'm leaving and she said "no you cant go!" because she wanted me there but I said nah fuck this I'm not feeling it and I'm not playing at a table with two fags.
So I went and cashed out with the girl who's son is named Garrett with two ts and I said thanks . I'm GARRET with one T. She knows that. It's a little joke between us. I tipped her a dollar and then went back up to see Michelle at the bar to ask for my phone and charger back and of course the native American girl that usually has ten native friends with her than always stir up shit with me was right there. I just smiled at her and she smiled back. Michelle gave me my charger and I saw Dave and fist bumped him and left.
The end.
I'm home now again. Fuck that place. Boring and obnoxious. I won 2 dollars total I guess .
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2020-03-13 at 4:58 AM UTC
Sounds like you had a great time
2020-03-13 at 5:02 AM UTC
I've lost my heart for that place. There are new downtown spots with edm and dancing and good vibes. That's my new shit. I love it. Happies. No judgement. Do your drugs do your sobers do whatever. Just have fun.
