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2020-03-08 at 6:01 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Idk just life i guess. Ive known her since high school when i was a quiet tryhard cokehead. We made a pact that if we werent married by 40 wed get hitched. We started talking again a year or so after not talking for a couple years bc she wouldnt date me bc i was still on heroin. I got mad n blocked her on everything. A year ago we start talking again but shes now engaged to be married. I apologized for everything. I explained why i did what i did and that i was a child. I was kinda sad,but i was happy she was doing well bc shes really sweet. Were talking like every morning and all through the day, and im able to tell her stuff i havent told anyone else. And then a couple months later, her fiancee calls off the wedding and shes destroyed and suicidal. We talk even more and shes talking about no one is ever going to want her and shes going to die alone. I reassure her and tell her shes gorgeous and smart as fuck, and caring, and i find myself smiling subconsciously when i get texts from her. We talk pretty much all day. We joke about what our kids are going to look like when we get married, since my sperm is probably all mutated from the drugs. She makes it explicitly clear she wants me to fuck her. Our work schedules and my lack of a car make it pretty much i possible to see each other. I start having all these weird feelings and im thinking about her all the time. I start thinking about how people end up with someone they met in high school, and how amazing it is to have this woman still want to be with me after all the shit ive told her. But i also know that shes still hurting and i dont know if we’re both feeling this for real,or because were both depressed and lonely. And loneliness is an awful reason to do anything. Im also scared to death that ill fuck it up bc ive never beenin a relationship sober and if i mess up now, it means that i was always the problem and not the drugs. We make nonspecific plans to meet on a Sunday, but the night before, someone from my NA meeting asks if i can go to the area meeting for our group. Im supposed to be volunteering to be of service so i agree. The meeting is from 12-1, so i call her afterwards and she says its too late lets just try again another weekend. I agree but im annoyed as fuck. I dont outright ignore her but that whole week i just didnt text her as much as i normally did. Then valentines day morning she asks what im doing for valentines, i said absolutely nothing…work and jacking off. A few hours later she says shes going on a date and i dont think too much of it bc she needed the confidence boost and i dont like her being sad. Well….theyre seeing each other like every other day now, and theyre fucking. Theyre going up to the mountains in a couple weeks. It felt like a punch in the gut. When she said she fucked him it ruined my whole week. Felt like listening to someone fuck your girlfriend. But it gave me a lot of time to think about why i felt that way, and why i got so attached so quick to someone iveseen probably 10 times in person in the last 10 years. Made me think about whats healthy. And whether it makes me feel good to be jealous and posessive and angry, depressed. It really doesn’t.
So at a certain point i kinda just had to let it go. I think i felt it so much bc it felt like i lost the only person who would ever love me that way. But thats also a super diseased way of thinking, and its not true. The fact that my world is so small and i dont put myself out there often doesnt mean theres only this one person. I cant be the man i want to be until I learn to just be a decent human being, a decent friend- without having to get something out of a situation. So whatever happens happens, I just need to focus on myself i stead of trying to use money and people and food like a drug to feel better. When i can feel happy with myself without needing someone else to validate or fix my shit- is when ill be ready for a healthy relationship.But the combination of the methadone withdrawals and the depression was a fucking hurricane of feelings lol.
Damn, i was hoping the story with her had a happy ending. Oh well. How did she meet this other guy? How long had she dated him wen she fucked the dude? -
2020-03-08 at 6:07 PM UTCI have no idea how she met him. Probably online. She fucked him really quick. like within a couple weeks. Thats not her usual MO, but shes got a super high sex drive and had pretty much just been crying about her breakup for 6 months so it is what it is.
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2020-03-08 at 6:08 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER I have no idea how she met him. Probably online. She fucked him really quick. like within a couple weeks. Thats not her usual MO, but shes got a super high sex drive and had pretty much just been crying about her breakup for 6 months so it is what it is.
so now she stopped texting u? -
2020-03-08 at 6:12 PM UTCNah we still talk just not as much. Its just not the same. Before there was some tension to it because we just wanted to rip each others clothes off, but now its just back to friend stuff. I feel like texting her the kinda stuff i used to text her when shes about to be in a relationship with this dude...is kinda skeevy. But yeah we texted a couple times on friday but when you go from textingn calling each other every 5 min from the time you wake up until you go to sleep- to talking every few days, shits just different.
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2020-03-08 at 6:18 PM UTCYou tried. She flaked out the day u were supposed to hang. Not much u can do about that.
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2020-03-08 at 6:25 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Nah we still talk just not as much. Its just not the same. Before there was some tension to it because we just wanted to rip each others clothes off, but now its just back to friend stuff. I feel like texting her the kinda stuff i used to text her when shes about to be in a relationship with this dude…is kinda skeevy. But yeah we texted a couple times on friday but when you go from textingn calling each other every 5 min from the time you wake up until you go to sleep- to talking every few days, shits just different.
How old is she? and how many dudes do u estimate she has slept with? -
2020-03-08 at 6:25 PM UTCI mean i guess i get it. If i wanted to see her that badly i shouldve made a solid plan instead of just being all wishy washy about it.
But yeah at least for now im okay. But if i have to hear about her fucking this dude anymore, ive already made up my mind im gonna tell her. Its not fair for me to drop some shit on herand make things all confusing and weird if she just found someone that makes her happy, but its also not fair for me to have to hear about it and feel all gross and jealous. -
2020-03-08 at 6:26 PM UTChello finny. how is it hangin' bud?👍
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2020-03-08 at 6:26 PM UTCSame age as me. 31. And shes slept with 5 guys.
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2020-03-08 at 6:29 PM UTC
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2020-03-08 at 7:31 PM UTC...
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2020-03-08 at 7:46 PM UTCMy weed sticky like honey comb 🍯
I gotcha girl , she ain’t coming home ❤️🎵 -
2020-03-08 at 8:03 PM UTC
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2020-03-08 at 10:42 PM UTC:Listeing to the punk rawk prom queen avril lavigneau and josie and the pussy cats, if I had it my way josie would be my bryde, chicken fuckers
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2020-03-08 at 11 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER probably NA. I finally shared in a meeting last night how im still on methadone and have been in kind of a rut over this girl ive known forever. I expected people to kinda give me grief over taking a “shortcut”i stead of just handcuffing myself to the toilet and letting god remove the heroin fr9m my body. But everyone was nice. I think they know me well enough by now to know im really trying.
Because they're fake. I would've given you shit. I would've locked you in a closet in the church basement and forced you to be completely sober. PAPA DONT PLAY! -
2020-03-09 at 11:35 AM UTC
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2020-03-09 at 1 PM UTCplacing adds in the locaL PAPERS and dropping off my vendor info with contractors,, its time to start painting for the year.
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2020-03-09 at 2:04 PM UTCPreparing myself to bullied by my daughter the entire spring break week lol 😢
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2020-03-09 at 2:11 PM UTChow old is she now?
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2020-03-09 at 6:14 PM UTC
Originally posted by CandyRein Just took a nice hott relaxing shower ❤️
Took away all my drunk from the wine….which is what I wanted lol
I rarely drink so I was drunk af.. it was super gnarly …
Now I’m gonna roll my last spliff of the night, text a lil and get some mimis ❤️💤
Showers dont sober you up... God what are you 15?
