2019-08-14 at 11:32 AM UTC
Lately I've been trying to learn how to relax. My whole life I was always an uptight cunt til my ego got too big and I did too many drugs and ruined my life. I always just assumed it was the universe's responsibility to stop clenching my jaw and face and fists and writhe around with uncomfortable energy. I've been meditating for 15 minutes every day and also throughout the day. I catch myself clenching ALL THE TIME and reset my muscles to resting position. Eventually I will be resting naturally, hopefully.
Still sitting around waiting out the PAWS, exercising to try to fight through the bleakness. I tried talking to old friends and going on a couple dates but it was awkward since my personality was wiped clean. I think if I stay clean for another couple months I'll feel even better and not be such a moody cunt all the time.
I'm like 1-3 months away from having a bunch of cash I can travel with or whatever. Still have a lot of GI bill left that I can get a math degree with if I want to, but it's hard to envision myself having a 9 to 5 so I'm wondering if it's even worth it at this point. I'm lucky as fuck that I still have a healthy and even young looking/feeling body and I don't want to waste the next decade like I did the last. I'm going to travel some more first though. I'm tired of this city and the neighborhood I live in. I've had a lot of really good times in it but those have all been over for a while now and now I just feel like an alien here. Southern California is for cunts and everyone here is depressed. Yesterday a coworker made a joke about suicide and usually when someone does that people at least pretend to be revolted or whatever but everyone just started joking/being serious about wanting to throw themselves off a nearby cliff lol.
Anyways what should I do in this time I guess? idk
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2019-08-14 at 11:38 AM UTC
Cool bro you should go to Louisiana.
2019-08-14 at 11:42 AM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
You should basically watch kung fu the legend continues and do whatever you want like buddy off office space. I also have existential crisis' pretty regularly. I'm having a mild one rn
2019-08-14 at 11:43 AM UTC
My last night here I'm going to take some mushrooms and bring all my possessions to the beach and have a bonfire
