2018-04-05 at 12:32 AM UTC
A lot of things have been weighing on my mind recently.
I have been depressed for awhile now and something has been bothering me pretty bad lately.
I was laying in my bed with a headache at 7:30 this evening and it dawned on me what day it was.
I started thinking about my problems and how my life has been so screwed up.
4/4/17 @7:30pm
I am at my moms house and I steal $30 from her and her car.
In severe drug withdrawal but its okay I am about to go get well.
I call one dealer and he says he will be over with the goods very soon but I dont believe him so I go out to buy from another nigger anyways.
It is 7:45 now and I am on the highway heading to go get the goods.
My other dealer calls to say he is already at my house.
Fuck
I know I could turn around but I also know exactly what I will get if I keep going forward.
A few minutes later I am in an alleyway buying my drugs from inside a garage.
I get back in my car and head toward the highway.
Pull over on the on-ramp and pour some cocaine and fentanyl onto the underside of a pop can. I draw some water up in my needle and I shoot it at the substances and mix them up. Biting off part of a cigarette enhancement and using it as a enhancement I draw up (not that I needed a enhancement).
I wrap the seatbelt around my left arm and tap into a vein. I only made 1 big shot but I want to save some for later. I draw back a little and register the vein and a plume of blood mushrooms into the syringe.
I am so excited now knowing I am about to be well.
I inject just over half of my concoction and quickly take the belt off my arm, put the car in gear and start driving.
I remember getting to the top of the on-ramp.
...
Jolted awake I am bouncing hard off the median but I fall back asleep.
...
Jolted awake I am again by the stupid median throwing me up into the air again.
I regain control and look at the speedometer. 90 miles and hour. I fall back asleep.
...
Jolted awake I am a third time by this damn barrier. Pissed off knowing what is happening I cut it to the right and cross 3 lanes of traffic before correcting it and finding myself going down the middle of the highway once again.
I need to call someone. I am high as shit and I want to tell them how good it is. I get distracted trying to work my phone
...
HONK! HONK!
Semi truck driver slams on his breaks as I veer into his lane.
i have had enough.
I pull off the highway into the worst part of town and drive down a side street and park on a corner.
I need a cigarette.
I pick my needle up on the floor where it has bounced to and I set it pointing up down in my cup holder. The syringe is blood colored but not coagulating.
I get out and light a cigarette and walk around to the sidewalk.
I see a cop pull down the street.
I start walking away.
Cop pulls up behind the car and gets out and yells to me "is this your car?"
I reply "No sir, I am just waiting here on the sidewalk for my friend" (I am studering like crazy because I am high as fuck)
Cop doesnt believe me and cuffs me on the spot.
Cop tells me a concerned citizen called me in saying I was drunk and driving erratically.
I am relieved for I am not drunk.
I tell the officer "I am not drunk" (studdering horribly)
He pulls keys out of my pocket and says "So it is your car?"
I reply in studder language "Nope, it belongs to my mom"
Cop searches the car and brings me back my bloody needle and can with reside.
I know I am fucked now.
Cop asks if I am willing to go get a blood draw at the hospital?
I studder back "Yup sirz"
He takes me to the hospital and I wait for an hour for a nurse.
Meanwhile I ask how he knew it was me.
He tells me I had blood dripping off my arm still wet when he pulled up.
I am not too bright.
Nurse comes to take blood
I ask the cop a quick question "Can I refuse this?"
Cop gets mad as hell at me and tells me I just wasted his fucking time and takes me to the jail where I immediately go on suicide watch given my previous behaviors at the jail.
18 hours later and dope sick as hell the still pissed officer wakes me up and pulls me into another room.
Hands me a warrant.
A warrant for my piss.
"How do you plan on getting it if I dont have to pee?" I ask
Cop hands me a styrofoam cup of water.
20 some cups of water and 4 boxes of orange drink later I have to pee.
I pee in a test tube for him and then am taken directly to the basement for video court.
After 5 minutes down their in the cold I have to pee again.
I ask to go pee and am told I have to hold it.
Cops laughing at me knowing I just drank a lot of liquids.
I get up and walk to the corner and proceed to pull my pants down to piss.
A door opens and one of my acquaintances who works at the jail takes e to the bathroom instead.
I spend the next few days cold and sweating constantly. I was so sick.
After 4 or 5 days I feel good enough to go play basketball.
I am having fun now.
First taste of sobriety I have had in nearly a decade.
I start to have a little fun.
Gay dudes checking me out in the shower. I dont even mind.
Anyways I swear to never do drugs again.
I get out after 13 days on bond and the first thing I do is take an enormous shit.
Second thing I do is get some Taco bell
Third thing I do is go buy some more drugs and get high as fuck.
I lost my license for 1 year and had a lot of court dates (I am still going to court as a matter of fact). I had an investigation done on me and they also took my phone and within a couple weeks time of getting arrested 2 of my dealers get raided because of it. I got put on probation and ordered to go to outpatient but of course that wasnt going to happen.
I kept getting high for 3 months following this all while pissing dirty every time.
I get ordered to go back to a status hearing and decide to just say fuck it and keep getting high.
I kept getting high. High as fuck. So fucking high. OMG I was high.
Then shit got really bad....
Thats another story.
But today I am just happy not to be addicted to drugs and alcohol. I am happy that I do not wish to die as much as I did. I am happy I have a job interview tomorrow and that all is not lost.
The last year has included my lowest lows of my life and some of the highest highs I have felt in years (with and without drugs).
No more psych wards for this guy!
Unless I fuck up that court ordered psych evaluation I have on Monday....
No more jail time for this guy!
Unless I go to jail again...
No more over-doses for this guy!
Although I have a fetish for nurses....
No more insanity.
I am happy and grateful today because I know I dont ever have to live like that again. I got a chance today to do something different.
I am winning!
Wait, I just noticed the title I gave this...
I forget what I came here to say....
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2018-04-05 at 12:45 AM UTC
Lovely story i like ur writer style. What if u don't piss in container and u piss on floor instead?
2018-04-05 at 1:17 AM UTC
Zanick
motherfucker
[my p.a. supernal goa]
I also enjoyed reading it. Not judging you, man, and I don't think drugs are inherently bad either, but I think you should avoid them for a little while. Best case scenario, this was a wake-up call. From one obsessive lover to another: I'd hate to miss all of your Kinkou threads. They really do brighten my day when I see them, and I'm starting to appreciate her appeal thanks to you. Think of how all of this affects her.
2018-04-05 at 1:25 AM UTC
I have not shot dope since I jumped off a flood wall and broke myself. I have drank a couple of times but only responsibly. I do not plan on going back to drugs.
Well...
I mean....
I will smoke weed if they legalize it.
And I will drink every now and again.
But no more being homeless and giving $4 blowjobs
