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Posts by OMGPLZUNBAN
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2020-01-27 at 4:19 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-01-27 at 4:11 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by mmQ Into the sun you drift, I hope. You're a liar and a fraud. Leave me alone. My family too. Stop bothering us.
My wife was looking over my shoulder and your post made her question if any of that was true. I assured it wasn't but I pull so many shenanigans I don't know if she believes me.
Get WifeDead to tell you the story about how he had my wife in tears and he left the state before even telling me he did something.
If he doesn't I will. -
2020-01-27 at 4:04 AM UTC in A Nicolas Cage appreciation thread! 100% custom rage in the Cage LOLcats inside!
Next
Chris Johnson
Drinks in the middle of the day
Drunk magician with a fancy shirt performing magic.
Holy shit! He can see two minutes into the future! But everytime he looks into the future, it changes because he looked at it and made a move to change it.
Steals a Charger. Probably preparing for his role in Gone in 60 Seconds.
Also goes by Frank Cadillac
Never seen anything beyond 2 minutes. Except for some bitch. Thinks she's the one. Afraid of being lonely?
His dad is Colombo
FBI finds him and wants him to use his powers to save America. Typical Cage role.
He is charming but odd.
Running away from a black dude. The Cage doesn't usually work with black dudes so it's funny he's running from what he hates.
Is it just me or does The Cage have the gayest voice trying to sound straight? Is that what The Cage think acting is?
With his 2 minute power knows how to seduce a bitch. Talks about a painter, Carlotti. He defined beauty. "A summation of parts that nothing needed to be taken awy or altered. That's you." Then does a fire rose magic trick as she's in a towel fresh out the shower. She astounded. That's totally usable.
I got too drunk for this. I'll keep you guuys updated one The Cages charchter. I pre made the 100% custom rage in the cage LOLcat though:
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2020-01-26 at 5:32 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace Lol whenever someone asks about my scars I make up a ridiculous lie. The dog bite on my hand? Knife fight. Scar from heart surgery? Came across a mother bear. The scar I got falling off a scooter as a kid? Someone broke into my house through the window above my bed and the glass dug in as they fell on me.
I have a good poker face so there's always someone who believes it, which is when i tell the truth.
Had a coworker once who also had a good poker face and we had an entire conversation about him buying crack from me. How good it was, better than the last batch, he can try some after work, etc. Never touched the stuff in my life. Another coworker thought it was for real and we masturbated laughing.
Good story. I'll give you a 100% custom LOL cat. Any preference on what you want? -
2020-01-26 at 4:50 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by mmQ Yeah you just need about 400 pages to go to make this just the longest threae on this site . Your cats and your lies are shit.
I suggest you want to bash a 100% custom LOLcat maker you buy American. You see any one else delivering this quality of 100% custom LOLcats? WifeDead is the closest so far. But the gentle brush strokes, the textures, the feeling...
Ain't no one going to deliver that. I'm your only supplier. -
2020-01-26 at 2:49 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!I met a dude with no legs pushing himself with his arms. So I ask him how he lost his legs. He was born without them. I said that sucks. He replies, "Well I get along fine."
I tell him, "Oh no. I mean it sucks you don't have an awesome story." -
2020-01-25 at 2:31 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Holy fuck! Page 39! Goddam is this a long thread!
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2020-01-25 at 2:14 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-01-24 at 5:39 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-01-24 at 3:40 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!I feel we're getting close to page 39!
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2020-01-24 at 3:15 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!One time, at our old party house, a girl showed up that had busted out all her front teef. She was drunkenly biking down a hill a few nights before and face planted. She was probably half retarded. So I was trying to get with her.
She's playing coy, mumbling around her gums and shit. Apparently at one point I remember wrapping my arms around her from the porch and walking her into my room. Everyone else tells the story that I threw her over my shoulder and stomped to my room with her like a cave man.
In my room I'm trying to get with her and I was still a virgin at the time. So I'm just knocking it out of the park saying things like, "I know you're greasy. Show me the ropes." I don't think girls like a man that doesn't take control and I was putting the ball in her court.
We start making out and I try to stick my tongue in her mouth. She winces because I forgot I'm making out with a chick that has no front teef that's half retarded. Nothing happens that night and Poasts mom comes into the room in the morning to get something for him. Poast and I shared a room. I was such a loser with the ladies I couldn't seal that deal. At one point, she's not giving anything up I walk to the porch to smoke. A buddy is out there and I kick a milk crate across the yard over his Whoop DeVille. He just tells me, "Now you know how I feel when chicks don't give it up." The next day I tell him I'm glad I didn't hit his car with the crate. He replied, "That was a pretty impressive kick considering you were barefoot."
Here's a picture of when a marine was going to arm wrestle a girl for a kiss. If he lost he had to kiss PooBear. He spaced out and lost by not paying attention when it started. She slammed him down and they made good on the bet. When everyone wanted to see them kiss and pushed them to do it, PooBear stuck out his hand. The baby killing marine yelled, "I will not shake your hand!" And goes for it. That's probably the most evidence I have of something that happened. I have multiple pictures and audio of it.
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2020-01-24 at 2:07 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Never mind. I found it. Here's that girl you freaks are all about. Taken in my shirtless dude party room.
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2020-01-24 at 2:05 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by mmQ Ok well this story isn't good but I'll tell it anyway.
So.
Well just now I walked into the parking ramp where we parked and this native american was on fake emergency phone and he was having heart pains apparently and wanted me to call 911 so I did and I gave him the phone and he just mumbled drunken shitninto the operators voice and eventually a cop showed up and took him to the hospital.
That's not my story though.
Hmm. One time I was blackout drunk and drove to the waffle house with my friend Darrin and I got pulled over while I was pulling into the parking lot. Thata kinda the worst way to go. And you tell the dude "I'm literally at my destination just fuxking let me go" and then of course the faggot cop knows and just wants to get his dui bust :(
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2020-01-23 at 7:20 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-01-23 at 7:20 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-01-23 at 6:59 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-01-23 at 6:49 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Page 38 bitches! I have Guiness right where I want them! Keep it up guys!
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2020-01-23 at 6:48 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-01-23 at 5:33 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-01-23 at 4:40 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN So I have an old lady. I call her the warden. I was working overnights at a gas station alone. I used youtube to MP3 websites to get stuff to listen to with one earbud in. I listened to a lot of stand up which I think contributed to why I don't think so right in normal situations. I was telling a co worker, dealing with a crazy ass bitch and telling him there's reasons to hit a woman I got from Bill Burr. I told him he shouldn't do it but there are reasons to hit a woman.
So I got a joke from Doug Stanhope and wanted to tell the Mrs. "Hey babe. You wanna hear a joke?" She's down and I say, "So I told my old lady I wanted to fuck her between the tits. She says, 'How are you going to make it feel good for me?' "Right before I cum I'm going to stop punching you in the face."
Holy fucking shit. The flood gates were down. I'm being yelled at about it's never funny to joke about women being abused. Which is funny because I can say all the racist jokes I want and she laughs. She draws the line when it's something that can affect her. She's been beat up by a bunch of guys she was with that use to gorilla fuck her. Now it's my turn.
So I tell my joke, getting yelled at and I'm a fucking genius so I try to explain it. "It's funny in how offensive it is." I got no where with that logic. She goes to bed pissed and we're better than the next day.
A week later I heard another joke. What's the worst part about blowing Willie Nelson? Finding out it wasn't Willie Nelson. Implying you just blew some dirty, old street rat.
So I ask the warden, a week later, "Hey Babe… You wanna hear a joke?" She visibly rolls her eyes and sarcastically says, 'Sure.' She is already not happy but fuck it. I'm doing it. "What's the worst part about blowing Willie Nelson?" She's fucking still pissed and sarcastically, kinda pissed off responds, 'I don't know. You stopped punching him in the face?' I pause for a second before busting up laughing. The idea of blowing somebody while punching them was too funny. She hated that she made that joke way too funny and I've never let that story go.
I can't tell that story though. No one can relate apparently. It comes out the gate so hard people don't listen and just want it to stop. Typical Stanhope. One time last year I was camping with my dad and I figured, this is one of my funniest stories and surely he can relate. We're drinking, cooking burgers over a camp fire. In the middle of the woods. What better time to tell this story? I start off with Stanhopes joke and how I told it to the Mrs and I got immediately stopped. "I would never say anything like that to your mother! Good god!"
I think he's just turning into a pussy in his old age. And he pees sitting down.
