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Posts by OMGPLZUNBAN
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2020-03-17 at 8:56 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!One time a chick I was really into was moving away. I was a pussy who never made a real move and I'm glad of that now. But back then we were at a party and she was all sad and emotional of her upcoming life change and she let me hold her in the bath tub as people came in and tried to piss. The shower curtain was up so it wasn't as ghetto as it could be.
I go to drive her home and I suggest we go up to her room. She says no and she wants to stay with me in the car. I forget the details but eventually I'm eating her out. For like half an hour. At one point I tried to stick my dick in her but there just wasn't enough room in the car so I just kept eating her out. We eventually fell asleep in her bed when she realized I wasn't making a serious move and I wake up. I tell her, "Man. I was wasted last night." Like a fucking idiot. She's all like, 'You were drunk last night?' I'm a fucking retard and didn't understand the nuances of women yet and said yeah.
It never went farther than that but my car smelled of her pussy for over a week. Not a bad smell. It just smelled like her pussy.
I was chasing that girl when I got with Ho-Zilla. One night at a party at the studio, Ho-Zilla climbed on top of me me and we were kinda making out. This made the other girl cry. Fuck her I thought. She had her chance. I'm walking to the bathroom and see her crying and people consoling her and I had a gummy worm in hand. I ask her, while she's trying to hold back tears, "Do you believe in me?" She nods her head and throw the gummi worm high in the air and catch it in my mouth. Throw my fists up and walk away to piss. She just kept crying. Fucking brutal.
She had her chance but never acted on it then regretted it. I was so out of it I didn't realize the ramifications of what I did that night until way later. -
2020-03-17 at 3:42 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-03-17 at 3 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-03-17 at 2:45 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Fucking page 44 bitches!
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2020-03-17 at 2:45 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-03-17 at 1:28 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Page 44?! We're almost there guys!
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2020-03-17 at 1:22 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Right before I was moving to Montana in 2006 my dad said I couldn't take my car with me. It was a 68 camaro and was a huge pile of shit. For a couple months drive wouldn't work so I was rocking it around in 2nd gear.
Right before I made my decision of what I was going to do to get rid of it Poast and I spray painted a bunch of dumb ghetto shit all over it. I think we had 'GNAR KILL' on one side. I'm sure there was a boognish somewhere. I wasn't really taking the car into town so I stopped paying insurance. The car looked ghetto as fuck with all the tags and driving from poasts house one day a cop car was coming down the hill. I just kinda got real close to the car in front of me and to the side and hoped for the best. Nothing happened so I was good.
When I decided to get rid of my car, I decided to just mob the shit out of it. There was a place called school valley that was maybe a mile long road that used to be a kind of a valley. No one used it because it was gated on both sides. I just drove around it. My brother and his red neck friends were there because we could relate to destruction. One of the first things we did was break both front and back windows. I was mobbing around and thought it'd be funny if I turn on the wipers with no window. It started smacking him in the face. I laughed and turned them off.
I made it to the bottom of the road, right behind an elementary school and someone said, "There's no way you can make it up that hill." I learned from WifeDead don't tell people that because I gunned it and actually made it up. This was a place people fucked around on dirt bikes. So me getting it in a shitty camaro is pretty funny.
We mobbed around all that day and called it quits once I got it stuck down a hill in a bunch of bushes. In the video that is lost to time, my brother is in the car just revving the shit out of it until it's smoking and the last shot from that day is us walking away filming a bunch of smoke going in the air.
We didn't catch the place on fire and show up the next day. My brother had one of his buddies bring a truck and pull it out of the bushes. Round two. I blew out a tire and try to hit the hill again that the dirt bikers hit but couldn't make it with less traction. I was going back and forth all over this gravel road and everyones having a blast. We forgot to take the rocks out we used to blast out the windows and one time when I went into the ditch it almost someone in the head.
A buddy Poast and I tried to manipulate showed up with a donut wheel on a dirt bike and we fixed the tire. Barely. Chaos and mayhem and we vowed to come back the next day.
The next day we show up and someone tried to hot wire the car. The place where the key went in was fukt. The kid who brought the spare tire said he could hot wire it. I doubted it because I thought he was stupid. Turns out he could. One last day of mobbing.
The next day we wanted to see it explode. I had stolen a small piece of pipe that had a place to screw something on both ends and two end caps from a hardware store. I put a hole in it and went to my brothers house to fill it with gun powder. The powder went everywhere including the threads. I cleaned the threads as best I could but when screwing the second cap on I wondered if hard compression and friction would blow it up. This was the biggest bomb we'd ever made.
So we go to the car, I shove the bomb in the gas tank. It doesn't fit but I'm hoping for the best. It blows off, loud as fuck but there's no real damage. Should've screwed the other cap on and used a flask cylinder like we always did when making bombs.
I'm riding my bike to work one day, I was 17, and I brought a two lb sledge hammer with me and swing by the car and just start pounding it. Making it look as bad as I could. No reason. Just thought it was funny. Turned out to be more work than I thought and gave up.
Last part. One night I was biking to work late at night. Decided I wanted to watch a motor blow up. I swing by the car, get it running and find a branch just long enough to stick between the seat and the gas pedal. The engine is going and going. I'm watching waiting for something to happen. Nothing happens so I check out the bottom of the car. The engine casing it red hot and it started a fire under the car. I was carrying water with me so I remove the stick, extinguish the flames that would've surely gotten bigger and called it quits on the car.
The kid who brought a spare on a dirt bike helped me remove all the embedded metal tags that would acknowledge that I was the last owner of the car earlier and I never heard anything about leaving a beat up, tagged up, blown up hunk of junk in the woods. -
2020-03-17 at 12:27 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Poast sent me the shitty t-rex, dolphin, shark tag I did on someones garage years ago.
When I took the fall and made you mother fuckers forget it happened, by the body of my work since then, I thought it would be funny to start a graffiti cleaning business and continue using the name we tagged everywhere. Sentry Graffiti Removal -
2020-03-15 at 3:52 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!I don't think I've posted this one yet. The first time I met Poast:
I met WifeDead in junior high. I was a loser so I was hanging out with this half goth kid. 2nd period Spanish 1 class me and this other guy notice WifeDead kinda looks like some other kid we once knew. So we called him Dombak for a a while and thought it was funny.
Back when malls were a thing, I was at one. Might've been high school. Who gives a fuck. For the storys take let's say it's early elementary school. I see WifeDead and recognize him and he's with Poast. I had stolen a drink from the burger king and as I'm walking saying hi I put the drink on a coin operated vibrating chair.
The first words after I was talking to WifeDead from Poast were, "Did you just leave that there with no plans to pick it up? I love doing that." This began my first part into degeneracy.
I'm pretty sure it was the same day we went to where WifeDead had a room and those two are showing me all the bombs and mayhem they had planned and were planning. Poast finds a phonebook. "DUDE!!!!! I JUST FOUND A PHONE BOOK!!!!" I'm confused. Why would a phone book be so cool?
Turns out you can rip them in half and throw it into traffic to cause mayhem. Over the high way near us was a cliff right over it. I, a small young innocent child, watched them rip up the phone book and we went to the spot. Those fuckers just hucked it into traffic. I was a pussy and ran first.
That was my first taste in being a delinquent.
Don't even get me started on the time we almost killed a baby. -
2020-03-14 at 11:41 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Y'all non bumping mother fuckers.
When I kinda was building a relationship with Ho-Zilla, it was me and two other dudes hanging out in her room. One dude I was super tight with and the other guy I kinda knew from around. At one point I told Ho-Zilla to kick the two dudes out. She asked why. I said, "Because I'm going to fuck you."
The dudes went across the hallway to another dudes room. Later, the guy I was tight told me, "That guy was just sitting there and said, 'That's my ex......'" I asked if the kid was bummed out or what. Apparently he was. I wish it was him doing that deed that day instead of me.
Later, after I had moved in with this girl, she was gone for a night. A co worker gave me a bunch of bath salts and told me it's best if you free base it. So I'm alone and decided fuck it. Got fukt up but didn't really realize it because I was fukt up. I tried to masterbate at like 2 in the morning and around 3 realized it just wasn't going to happen. So I'm on one and decide to clean the fuck out of her room. I found a bunch of break up letters from the dude who was bummed. Knowing what I know now it must've been brutal to have someone telling you they're going to fuck your girl right to your face and kick you out.
I got blasted on bath salts so bad that the next day I was still up and on one. I was trying to sell the rest for $10 to anyone that stopped by so I could buy a fifth, get wasted and sleep it off. The day after that Poast was asking if I'd do it again. I said I doubt it and he tells me, "That's good man. The look you had wasn't good and I don't want to see you like that." We grew up in a place where tweakers could just roam the streets with no fear of repercussion so I knew the exact look he was talking about. -
2020-03-14 at 2 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-03-14 at 1:58 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by My Wife Is Dead Dude, it was a chick's ARMPIT that I fucked. You have her lube up the pit, then she lays on her side so that she's on top of her arm. Fucking a knee or elbow just sounds tedious for both parties.
It was a long time ago. I just remember trying to brag to you, you told me that wasn't what you did and I went home and did it that night. -
2020-03-11 at 11:18 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Y'all not contributing mother fuckers.
One time I got a trampoline for free. 12 feet across. The first time I set it up I decided to do it in the living room. Poast and I pushed all the furniture out of the way and got it set up.
If you're ever setting up a trampoline a tip is to work it back and forth. Not just start on one side and work around.
It was chaos and mayhem. Some random dude I had never seen before came looking for my roommate but he was gone and he gave me $4 so I'd have enough for a bottle early in the day.
The trampoline barely fit and we lived on the second story of an apartment building. Poast almost went through the window once. It was kinda a one person at a time thing. We found out if you bounced off your back you could do reverse push ups off the ceiling. Then I had the idea of doing that and seeing who could closest to the ceiling spread out with out touching it.We were working on that and nobody could really get it. So we started having people super bouncing us hoping for the best. Here's Poasts face eating ceiling with two people that helped propel him. It's horrible quality so I don't think he'll mind:
I invited over the weird kid that almost stabbed me and he was the only one that could land a flip in such a confined space but there was too many people for him so he left early. Eventually everyone got drunk and went home and I passed out on the tramp.
I woke up to a knock on the door to see a good buddys sister and someone WifeDead and Poast used to punk. They were at the bar and heard about the indoor trampoline. I showed them some tricks we had learned through the day but they were just sight seeing apparently because they didn't want to go on it.
The next day I was told it needs to be taken down immediatly and if it's ever set up again we would be evicted. I can only imagine what the downstair neighbors heard.
Next time I set it up down stairs in the small yard we had. I had my baby killing marine coming over so I figured I'd go bounce on the tramp waiting. It's kinda moved closer to the building and as I'm about to walk down, I wonder what would happen if I just jumped. Young and dumb I threw my self from the stairs, over the railing and almost put my face into the gutter. I threw my hands out, barely bent the gutter and landed back on the tramp.
Since I learned you can get serious hieght using your legs while bouncing off your back I was doing that a lot. I was going bigger and bigger every day. Until I almost threw my face into the gutter again and then I kinda just stuck to flips. -
2020-03-09 at 3:46 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Niggas is gay.
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2020-03-07 at 7:24 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by vindicktive vinny do you have meat amd/or simulated meat stories to share ?
I remember an old program I was watching with my dad. This guy got a parasite in his stomach. The guy didn't give a fuck so he kept him around as a kind of a pet. Eventually it started hurting so he decided to get rid of it. The doctor told him to put a steak on top of the 'lil guy. Because without air it would have to eat through the steak and leave his stomach.
Some lonely guy probably left with no mortgage because of some cheating bitch wife just wanted a buddy. Turns out the parasite was inside him the whole time. -
2020-03-07 at 7:19 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!I just had a dream where I shit my pants. Bad. I was walking to the bathroom and was instantly in the bathroom and locked the door. As I was checking out the damage someone came in because I was thinking to my self, what if someone walks in? In a dream it always happens. I jump into a stall that was the size of a large room and yell to the guy he can come in now. I'm pulling my pants down and my legs are covered. Then I notice when I press on my shoe water shit poors through the laces.
I liked yesterdays dream better. Where hot redhead from work said she liked to be fucked. Then I invited her over for dinner and a movie.
I don't lucid dream anymore as of three weeks ago which is weird. -
2020-03-07 at 8:53 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country Did she ask why you were fucking her knee? or elbow?
She was a pill addicted ho I got pregnant than made her get an abortion.
Smartest thing I ever made did. It was brutal. Then I would got to work. She was living off of welfare. So she'd be taking pills while I'm busting my ass as a line cook and I'd come home and she talked to people and say she wants to keep it.
I'm fucking her the first time right? And she says we don't need a condom. I'm a fucking drugged out drunken idiot and we do. I ask her her what happens if she she gets pregnant as we continue to do this. We would agree that she would get an abortion. Once she got pregnant I said, "So we talked about this right?"
Her response? "people change and things change." Fuck me. I made her get an abortion because I knew she wasn't the one. I said stuff like, 'When I leave you I'm keeping the dressers I bought.'
I don't have those dressers anymore. -
2020-03-07 at 6:04 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by Poast Let’s get out of here buddy. This’ll never be the longest thread ever. They just don’t believe anymore. They’ve all grown up. They don’t care about us.
Fuck that. This is my house. these sappy fucks wish they had live and had stories. The people we're dealing with are the types of people destined to have a mid-life crisis. I'll tell them what's up.
One time I fucked Ho-Zillas elbow. Why you ask? Because WifeDead told me he did once. So the next day at work I'm trying to brag to him and he tells me, "No dude. I fucked a knee."
That night I went home and fucked her knee.
The boring degenerates on this site can't even top that lowly pathetic story. -
2020-03-06 at 7:24 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!What Poast is trying to say is he is disappointed in your guys like of contributing to THE LONGEST THREAD ON THE INTERNET!
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2020-03-05 at 3:53 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by Poast landlord was pissed tearing through the house one day and caught 5 drunk people hiding out in the dark
Poast didn't really expand on this part. We were partying with a bunch of people and standing on the front porch smoking a joking. A shitty hatch back drives by that looks like the person renting us the house. I watch it make a u turn at the stop sign and I know it's him so I run and hide in the back yard.
When we were about to get the place, the main drunkard king was getting it from his dad. Shane. We got to see it and he told us, "This isn't a pipe dream. This can be reality." He used to be heavily into drugs and was with a super big fat girl that was dudes mom.
So I'm hiding in the back yard and Poast stays not realizing what I just saw. Shane comes in and starts yelling at everyone. There's a ton of soda chaser every where. The place is a mess and it's obvious we're just not maintaining the place.
So Poast, and I don't know how he does it, just his personality I guess, is trying to talk with him but has the projection of, 'It's not my fault dude.' This enrages Shane more. He claims that no one there is helping out and we're being used. The girl who pissed in our bathroom floor vent pipes up, "I help clean." Shane is reaching his breaking point and screams, "YOU DON'T DO SHIT!!!!!"
Poast thoroughly pisses him off by being a little prick because that's all he's ever known, while thinking he's trying to smooth things over. Then Shane is checking out the place and walks into the bathroom where like 5 people were hiding with the light off. They scatter and now Shane is beyond pissed off. More pissed than Poast at a thanksgiving at a party house.
Apparently, (This is all hear say. I only heard some of it because I was in the backyard.), Shane walked back to his car but on the way just started punching the side of the building screaming. I assume he pretended the building was Poasts face and his hands were a gun. Poast is really bad at trying to talk people down.
Good times.
