update: I feel better. Ghosted blackie, fought with the other girl, made up, had makeup sex, had a Lebanese gypsy who worked at a head shop flirt with me and tell me about my life. Argued with a couple people, didn't do any opiates, didn't ruin my life
I remember waking up and posting like 6 months ago that today I'm going to ruin my life and I actually did ruin my life that day so I'm glad I didn't spiral like I usually do
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I remember back in like January/February (and many months before that) I would be always feeling like shit from Crouton and have so little energy I'd need to just space out and stare at nothing so that I could concentrate at all afterwards and I'd always be irritated or pissed off. It took a shitload of effort to do anything physical. I didn't even have the energy to crave sex or food at all and it was like my dick just wouldn't really work. Now I've been off the shit since March 12th (and two weeks taper before that), spent the time going through a terrible breakup and working out and eating well despite having a few little slipups with stims.
But today, I just crushed a decent workout for like the 3rd day in a row after sleeping 8 hours and I still have an above average amount of energy with my dick randomly getting hard from time to time. Got a haircut so I look clean cut, my eyes are bright again and my skin is clear. The ego that my mind built out of necessity to justify the meth and the opiates and the drugs and the shitty relationship is falling off hard, like every 12 hours I feel like a new person damn near. ANNDDDD I found out the financial constraints that I thought were keeping me here are actually manageable in such a way that it's not holding me back anymore.
I'm gonna stick around here for a few more months while I tie up the last few loose ends, probably fuck some girl from work or two (the rest of the faggots there judge because I've done this before but they're really all just bitter cafe dipshits so I'll do it to spite them, fuck them let them die hating) then go start a new life.
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Since it seems like this is a thing a lot of people are dealing with right now, and ive been getting a lot out of NA meetings/sponsorships...I want to have this thread be like an ongoing Anonymous-style meeting. Some people even do skype meetings with people across the globe. You dont have to be 100% serious all the time, but try to refrain from being a faggot. And this is going to be a place where all the forum politics won't be. No matter how friendly you are with someone...if theyre doing something stupid or destructive, you can call them out on it here, and theyre legally not allowed to be butthurt in any other threads. Its also been really helpful for me to have a sounding board of people to run certain decisions by. So i dont have to obsess over whether im making the right choice or not (since i know im fucking crazy and i make some stupid decisions.
Talk about whats going on with you, how you feel about it, what youre trying to accomplish. Im going to try to scan and upload all of the various workbooks and shit tomorrow, so you can do that shit if you want. Honestly a lot of the other shit is hella gay, but the step working guide has been really helpful.
Anyway RIP in peace to this thread in advance, but lets talk about feelings. No homo. (ALL HOMO).
wariat, how many users from this site do you think are currently, as we speak, posting the details of your pedo conviction to every social network page they can find associated with that town and area you're telling us all about here? literally right now as you read these words.
5, maybe 10?
.
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Originally posted by Wariat
sex isnt a asty horroble thing like you make out. child labor on the other hand is.
have you ever eatched the movie oliver twist ir read that book? wasnt he also 12? what does age have to do with accomplishing a task or wanting to experience work? its jsut another experience like going on a hike or having sex. those kids that first get paper routes and sell candybars they also 12? what about how so many parents including jojo siwa have their kids start sexualizing themselves for money? working isnt a asty horroble thing like you make out. sex on the other hand is.
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Using My Little Pony imagery as an adult male means you are an unoriginal child molestor who got tricked into faggotry under the guise of irony. Such people would probably suck a fat dick and swallow the hot load "ironically".
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Originally posted by WellHung
If only all of us could own niggers and do with them as we pleased… our collective depression would be a thing of the past.
I suppose that depends on which one you own, I think owning someone like Kanye West would just depress you further
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Originally posted by Octavian
They insisted. They asked a series of questions then just said we're sending a doc out.
I wouldn't say it's an emergency or w.e but they are concerned nontheless.
I have pin-prick blood spots on my legs also.
Lol. Whatever you have, i have the same thing. I always have pretty intense itching esp when i get out of the shower which i dont remember when i was doing heroin. Had bad edema in my legs 5 or so years ago, and got little pin prick blood spots all over my feet. So much so that now the tops of my feet are tan and look like theyre covered with freckles. Very weird shit. Also had a painful lump in my nipple, but it stopped hurting so much. decided it would be lulzy to go out from tit cancer after living like a bitch for a decade plus.
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I'm pretty depressed too. Spirituality helps me but I really just hate everyone and want to disappear. Like if I could spend the rest of my life having an existential crisis in a shitty motel room with cocaine and a prostitute I would, even if we'd be arguing 80% of the time, maybe I'd feeling something
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In the US we have have what's called Residential, Day Treatment, Intensive Outpatient, and Outpatient.
Resi is however long your insurance says you can stay (avg. of 21 days, sometimes as little as 5 lol. I got 28 cuz I'm special) Day Treatment is 5-6hrs/d 4 days a week, IOP is 3hrs/d for 4 then 3 then 2 days a week each stage about 6 weeks long, Outpatient is 1-2 days a week 3hrs/d. You can't really start at regular Outpatient, they won't let you. It's a step-down level.
Many guys start out in IOP so they can keep working, and it's usually just enough to keep you afloat, but it's not enough to hash out your demons and figure out why you keep imploding and how do you accept yourself and the world and life and get what you want out of it. That stuff only comes from Resi, or at least Day Treatment where you have more time to process things in depth every day and pray you make it through the weekend.
The best part about Resi and DT is that you aren't with a hodgepoge of addicts who are already sober for months and years, you're with a bunch of other guys who just got of detox ward and probably drank on the way there the first day that are battling out the earliest stage of recovery right there with you. It's intense and daunting, but it's awesome.
Good luck bro.
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I've tried to help the guy. He lives with his hott asian gf, but whenever she comes in the room she chastises him about being on cam because she doesn't like it and he has to explain to her that the camera is pointed at his lappy cause he's showing us gonts stuff. He's always complaining that in the middle of the night when he gets up for a glass of water, she wakes yells at him "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" like he's 4 years old.
They share a bed together but they don't even have sex. She says stuff "ohh you want sex? Buy me BMW first then we'll talk" like the wtf?
He tells me that he's sick of living with her and if you give him some positive criticism or advice he completely takes it the wrong way. Like if you mention "maybe you should leave her if its that bad" he's tell you stfu and to mind your business even though he's the one that brought it up and will switch conversation over abruptly asking if I've applied for an amazon factory job.
I've been accused of being a simp because I would hang out with Jackie and her 5 year old and I typially don't date women with kids but I liked Jackie at first and I honestly liked her kid but when her mother started accusing me of making her kid bad and act rowdy I had to call her out on that and it changed the tone of relationship especially after I jokingly called her the worst mother ever.
Now I get random text in the middle of the night how she's drunk and needs to get fucked and I tell her sure common over. And she will say something like "Nope not gonna work you gotta come here or you don't get anything" And I say okay fine. And then a couple nights later after I've deleted her number I'll get a text saying "Why are you such a dick?" I'm not a dick I just don't see why she can't meet me halfway.
But bottom line don't be a simp, peedy. I don't say these things to be mean to you just trying to help you since you bring it up.
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Originally posted by Octavian
Yeah till I start buying more stuff for my apartment, games console etc, I just lie back and watch shit on Youtube. I'm going to start getting back into reading. My main priority is sobriety, everything else will fall into place once maintained.
If it's really your main priority you'll do the only reasonable thing which is to get help. You don't have to go to inpatient, although that is by far the best option. At least getting an eval and going to outpatient treatment is miles ahead of whatever you're doing.
You also live in a country with basically free healthcare; I don't. I had to meet a $1300 deductible plus pay several hundreds of dollars, if not over a thousand out of pocket for prescriptions to go get sober. You don't have to do that, which tells me that choosing not to go get free help means that it simply is not your first priority; or that you are, respectfully, in a delusion.
Go get help.
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