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Thanked Posts by Donald Trump
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2023-09-05 at 6:57 PM UTC in Shitty JokesThe IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2023-09-05 at 6:49 PM UTC in Shitty JokesJesus and Moses are out playing golf one day. When they come to the 14th hole, which is a particularly nasty 310 yard, par 4, with a water hazard in front of the green.
Moses leads off, and drives a beautiful shot straight down the fairway, laying-up 10 yards short of the water hazard.
Jesus steps up to the tee, and tells Moses, “I’m going for the green. I saw Arnold Palmer make this same shot last year”. Moses advises Jesus he’ll never make the green, and to lay-up short.
Jesus tells Moses, “No, I saw Arnold Palmer make this shot, and I know if he can do it, so can I”.
So Jesus tees up the ball, hits it, and watches it land in the middle of the water hazard. Jesus turns to Moses, asking him to please part the waters so he can retrieve his golf ball. Moses parts the waters, allowing Jesus to retrieve his ball.
Jesus comes back to the tee, and tells Moses, “I’m going to try it again. If Arnold Palmer can make this shot, I know I can too”. Jesus tees up his golf ball, hits it, and again watches it land in the middle of the water hazard. He turns to Moses, and asks him to part the waters so he can retrieve his golf ball. Moses says OK, and parts the waters, so Jesus can retrieve his golf ball again.
Jesus comes back, and once again tees up the ball telling Moses he can make the shot, because if Arnold Palmer can do it, he can too. Moses tells Jesus, if he hits the ball into the water this time, he’s not going to help him get it back.
Jesus takes a mighty swing, and watches the ball fall just short of the green, once again landing in the water. He turns to Moses, and asks him to part the waters, and Moses tells him no, he had to retrieve the ball on his own. So Jesus walks out onto the water searching for his golf ball.
About this time, the follow-on foursome approaches the 14th hole, and sees Jesus walking on water. One of the foursome asks Moses who the guy walking on water thinks he is! Jesus Christ?!
Moses responds, “no, he thinks he’s Arnold Palmer”.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2023-09-05 at 6:48 PM UTC in Shitty JokesTwo old ladies are sitting on a bus stop, smoking. It begins to rain, and one old lady pulls out a condom, stretches it out, snips the tip off and puts it over her cigarette so she can smoke without her cigarette getting damp. The other old lady thinks that it is a nifty trick and asks her what she put over her cigarette. The lady replies that it is a condom, and that you can buy them at a pharmacy. The 2nd old lady thanks her, and makes a note to pick one up when she gets her prescription filled later that week.
Sure enough, a few days latter she enters the pharmacy, goes up to the young man working the counter and says “Young man, I would like to but a condom please”. The young man is taken aback by her advanced age, and replies “Wow. Good for you! No one has ever asked me for help with that before… um. What size do you need?” The old woman pauses, then replies “I need one that will fit a camel”.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2023-09-03 at 10:21 PM UTC in WHO Director General Tedros admits he hasn't been vaccinated
Folks, he was selflessly waiting for everyone else to get it first.
That's leadership.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2023-09-03 at 12:17 PM UTC in Burning Man Festival -Rescue Team Needed
Climate activists tried to warn them, and got wrecked.
This is the result.
Climate change is real. -
2023-09-02 at 7:36 PM UTC in Burning Man Festival -Rescue Team NeededClimate protestors vindicatedThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2023-09-03 at 8:57 PM UTC in Is your man Wariat a Troll?This place is fucked up. Overrun with freaks and weirdos. If you think those two are bad you should wait until you run into S0yb0y and Star Trek, those two are pure cancer.
The problem is that Lanny, the admin, sold the site to the company that runs match.com a few years ago, and since then he's been black out drunk on the money, and won't use the ban button any more.
Until he sobers up or ING pull the plug on the site things will just continue getting worse.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2023-09-03 at 6:06 PM UTC in troons r good and u shud treat me like a girl >:(The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2023-09-01 at 5:53 PM UTC in Chris Chan's Charges Dismissed
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2023-09-01 at 5:56 PM UTC in New CataloniaHere's a GG photo for you to enjoy. This is at Montserrat.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2023-09-01 at 5:49 PM UTC in HTS was rightThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2023-08-18 at 11:14 AM UTC in I'm not racist butI feel sorry for you uneducated racists, I really do. Read a book, bigot. One race the human race.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2023-08-31 at 9:24 PM UTC in HTS was right
Relationship goals -
2023-08-30 at 9:51 PM UTC in THE MAGA PARTY!,,, the GOP is dead, republicans are going down with the dems,, get ready for THE MAGA PARTY lefty's
Please thank this post to add to my male rape power in prison.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2023-08-29 at 10:56 PM UTC in In hilarious, ironic development, vaxxed turn out to be more vulnerable to covidThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2023-08-24 at 11:52 AM UTC in Random image threadThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2023-08-29 at 9:17 AM UTC in The future looks bright for Germany
Thanks to immigration German prosperity is secured well into the 21st CenturyThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2022-02-25 at 1:11 PM UTC in Military Genius Zelensky wants Ukrainians to throw molotovs at Russian tanks
Look at these shit tier molotovs. Who even makes molotovs from a beer bottle?
90% of the time beer bottles just won't break. You can score the glass, but that's a guessing game. The rag is way too long and loose too. You're going to get petrol on your shoulder if you throw it wrong.
These look like molotovs which were made by someone who has never thrown a molotov before. If you have never trained with molotovs, you should do it or you aren't a man. Halloween is usually a fun time to do it.
Zelensky is worse than Hitler - preparing the volksturm of anyone dumb enough to go out and die for his dumb ass, while he cowers in his bunker.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2023-08-27 at 12:21 PM UTC in Divine Light SeveredI'll distract myself with earthly pleasures until the encroaching darkness claims me.
It's ok.
I didn't want to know God anyway.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2023-08-26 at 7:43 PM UTC in Military Genius Zelensky wants Ukrainians to throw molotovs at Russian tanksThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
