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Thanked Posts by Malice
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2017-08-10 at 9:17 PM UTC in Pulling ya girl's yoga pants down and fucking her while you finger her clitThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-10 at 9:08 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by 霍比特人说中文不好 Second of all, I think you'll be very disappointed if you go into college expecting it to be full of "substantially more intelligent people." I recently finished up a philosophy class and there was just this massive lack of logic and understanding. I started the class pretty much driving the discussion but very quickly stopped due to almost everybody in there being a total fucking idiot, even the teacher.
§m£ÂgØL, you probably go to a shitty college. The one I go to has the highest percentage of Transfers to UC Berkeley, which is a few blocks away, ranked #6 worldwide, above Princeton and Yale. There are a ton of highly motivated students specifically set on transferring there, devoting their entire two years to it. We also get to take 1 class at UC Berkeley per semester, and those that don't have fees waived only have to pay the same cost per unit as the community college, which is really fucking sweet.
You don't know what the culture of Berkeley is like, the people.
Originally posted by RisiR † Been there, done that.
Malice, how are you going to deal with this?
I suppose I'll just have to increase my mental discipline and avoid going into a rage/having an aneurysm, as well as strictly be aware of and control my behavior (Avoid behaving like I do online.)
Originally posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery or they're some savant that will never fit in in society (looking at you, Malice).
Oh, gee, thanks, what a nice thing to hear. Well, savant is kind of flattering, but actual cases of savants are exceedingly rare, with under 100 confirmed. They do tend to have autism, though. The thing is, they're also all horribly disabled, including mentally (Intelligence.), and are pretty much only good at one specific thing.
You know, I was actually nice to you toward the end of Zoklet. Do you remember when you were staying at your aunt's house in Texas and law enforcement was engaged in an operation right by you, with helicopters, and it being shown on TV that a person was on foot, going through a part right behind her house?
You gave enough details to find your exact address easily, which I verified you could do by looking for the news story. Instead of doxing you I quickly PM'd you about it and you thanked me and edited your post.
How do I remember this random event from years ago on Zoklet? Savant memory. Practically everyone who has regularly visited TRT has noticed and accepted the validity of my mnemonic prowess.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-09 at 9:53 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-09 at 10 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSImagine if every time you spotted something good and yelled, "Look, Some Drugs!" LegalizeSpiritualDiscovry came sprinting, seemingly out of nowhere, and dived for the spot, wearing his own custom self-made costume.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-03 at 5:09 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSNext will be a post on reputable Chinese replica clothing.
Before that, two random notes:
#1) The inorgasmia from Nardil seems to be subsiding. Took far shorter today, it was much easier to orgasm. Increasing pleasure as well, arousement, ability maintain an erection. Likely in part from continuing recovery from my ailments, primarily severe depression, even anxiety, the neurological and endocrine changes. NSI-189 and going out for walks/jogs also helps considerably as well, triggers a distinct boost in mood, energy, and cognition afterward. It was also likely influenced by taking a good dose of vitamin D3 powder at night with a meal (fat improves absorption by quite a lot) due to the effect on testosterone it has. As I've mentioned before, diurnal variation in T is standard among males, peaking right around morning, which is the actual reason morning wood occurs, increased arousement particularly after waking. It's actually also been found that this is the time when males most prefer/desire sex (median).
I've been finishing off, or rather, using it as the second phase as it was still taking a very large amount of time in the past, using the hand humping technique. Make a fist and then extend your fingers a small amount. Now peer through the tunnel that has been made, viewed from the inner/thumbward side. Do you have the image now? I mentioned, after someone brought it up, that largely due to being circumcised I had never preferred using lube to jack off due to it feeling less pleasurable, my penis head becoming overstimulated and desensitized from this too rapidly, and it being much harder to come, with orgams less intense. I had to switch due to needing far mor stimulation after the inorgasmia set in. I now figured that it was using too much lubricant, the wrong kind, that was the main problem. I wasn't experiencing enough friction. Switching to baby oil, not too much, worked far better.
As for the technique, I simply oil up my hand, the humped area, penis, with the outer side of the entrance the thumb and ring finger make, underside of foreskin and the area it covers, and head, receiving more lubricant. I then lay down a sheet of paper towel below my penis to prevent oil from getting on the bed sheets and to ejaculate onto. After this, I simply lay on my side, with a strong preference for the left, as this is my natural sleeping position, legs extended so as to make the length of my penis fully available, under the covers as the temperature will better emulate the vaginal cavity, which I've found to be quite important, the oil helping with heat retention as well, both from the air as well as friction and heat transference from hand, then simply adjust my left hand, the entrance I make facing the penis head, of course, and usually take my penis and move it with my right hand so that it pops in there, the entrance tightened so as to simulate initial penetration. Then, as with a woman, moving solely my left hand this time, possibly stabilizing with the left at times, I move generally repeat this motion, exiting and entrancing so as to indulge in the particularly pleasurable feeling of initial entrance repeatedly. I then gradually continue to insert further, the area beneath the head feeling particularly pleasurably, moving back and forth, even exiting at times and entrancing once again, until full penetration is achieved. Emulated vaginal tightness varies with time and visualization. After this the style depends on what sex act is being imagined, the female's response. Long strokes, even reaching the point of near exit, without need for right hand stabilization. Sometimes a pleasureable accidental popping out. Thrusting with hips. The right hand moving in tandem with long strokes and tapping the scrotum to emulate full penetration, "balls deep" as it is colloquially known, slapping against a woman's ass or clitoris (I've mentioned a theory I have, which I am quite confident, in the past, on how this feels particularly pleasurable and seems to be a strong natural orgasm trigger when done right likely due to evolutionary origins. In sex, this would signal full penetration and extension of the vagina from arousal, increased likelihood of the female being near orgasm, during which the cervix moves downward in a scooping motion, and seminal deposit being allowed to the furthest depth. Impeccable logic!). Variations based on imagined anal sex, being considerably tighter, needing time to loosen and fully work its way in. The woman on top, possibly moving onto my back for this, even moving her hips in a circular motion in tandem with with vertical movement, or simply holding the head and foreskin region in while moving in this motion, to quite exotic effect. The thought of a woman's pleasure, moans, orgasm, is by far the most arousing to me, something I noticed in my adolescent years as a novice self-pleasurer. The ideal trigger for orgasm being full penetration, long rapid strokes, a high degree of imagine pleasure along with physical indications, such as a flushed face, possibly other parts of her body, of course moans, language, maximal arousal from her body, such as focus on the perfectly proportioned derriere, grabbing, spanking, possibly even switching to a fantasy of her developing a strong desire for anal, even an addiction to it, and finally I have found that the thought of her in the doggy style position, legs spread a bit as a natural sign of the gates being opened for you, and upper body resting on something soft yet large at the top of the bed, which she rests her body on, elevating it, and from this position bending forward to rest your body against hers, have her posterior fully pressed against you, and passionately kissing her as you thrust deeply and rapidly, simultaneously enjoying every aspect, the maximal contact, feeling of intimacy, as well as her bottom and genitalia fully pressed against yours. From hence, thrusting always maintained, and the final, fullest, thrust times with the inceptive and most powerful ejaculation, one can achieve orgasm of the highest calibre!
And so concludes my masterful guide on the techniques used to achieve the most decadent and gratifying masturbatory escapade!
#2) I had a ton of 1 dollar bills, thought that was just about all I had other than maybe a few 5s, in a tray on my desk and had never bothered to check if I had more there.
No, Lanny, I was never near broke or borderline homeless, I simply thought I had less money than I feel comfortable with, prefer, as a matter of caution and responsibility, regardless of how erratic and inconsistent it may be, or simply appear (You know not my full thoughts and values.), in other aspects of my life.
Turns out I had 4 fucking 7 accumulated. Fuck this shit, goddamn 1s, I'm spending them ASAP instead of using debit to get rid of them.
Not only that, but I found numerous other bills as well, including hundreds. $457 total.
Good lord I'm uncaring about money relative to the average person. It reminds of the time I forgot an envelope in that tray for months with 2.7K in it. Oh, it was at the end of last year, I thought it had been more recent: https://niggasin.space/post/77566
Autism memory power, remembered the string of words I needed on the second google.
Well, I definitely need new shoes, the Merrell Vapor Glove 2 or 3, cheap slippers, Decibullz - Custom Molded Earplugs, 31dB, possibly a cheap laptop, or whatever the term is for the most basic kind, for school. Just need it for simple internet browsing and writing, a good battery life, dependable and durable. Although it's possible I may receive money for that. Hell, i could potentially even lie about (eventually or concurrently) pursuing a CS degree and use that as an excuse to request more money for a considerably more expensive laptop, due to what I would claim to be higher requirements. Clothes, possibly good ones from China. Definitely need new shirts and a jacket. It's going to start getting cold around November, and I can't stand the cold, especially if there's wind. Nothing I hate more than a cold wind, likely due to sensory hyper-sensitivity, which effects my skin as well.
I need some motherfucking weed. It's been some time since I ran out and last smoked. Helps with so many things, particularly the irritability I've been feeling and falling asleep on time. Well, that is really my fault due to staying up reading, sometimes until, god, even as far as 6-7AM recently. heading straight to the Green Cross for a half oz of AC/DC, then Purple Star, by far the best dispensary in terms of overall value, for the optimal indica flowers and wax they have. Stock up.
Oh, I need ketamine (Provides a strong rapid boost in mood, motivation, hedonic tone, ability to use willpower, and reduces anxiety, all of which last for 1-2 weeks after a single dose, as well as numerous other benefits, and is excellent for depressive episodes, in case I actually am mildly bipolar or experience episodes for an unknown reason.), clonazolam, and nortriptyline and reboxetine to combine with Nardil, during separate periods, to see what works best, as it prevents the tyramine reaction and allows you to eat whatever you want, may even reduce the effect of norepinephrine, which would be fantastic as I've written how it effects me due to the neurological archetype of my autism, the amygdala abnormalities, how it causes horrendous relentless anxiety, fear, and apprehension.
Hmm, so that's maybe $600 without the laptop, which I could possibly get for free. Oh, and I may/will probably receive a fair amount of other money for expenditures, even cost of living. When I registered I requested to speak about, register for, various programs i qualify for, so I may receive it from multiple sources. Excited to see what the most I can get is.
Oh, another thing that was mentioned during the orientation! Students are actually allowed to take one class at UC Berkeley, which is really close by, at the same cost per unit as what the community college charges (I believe my fee is waived.). What a sweet deal! I'll actually be able to select the most interesting class relevant to my goals I can find and experience UC Berkeley, a bit of what it's like, right away! Score!
Good lord, 1849 words this time!
I was wrong, Falco, I just don't learn. I went right back to my autistic predisposition.
Oh, actually, I took flmodafinil today, which always plays a huge part. Jesus christ it could make me productive if i channeled it to something like school, which I absolutely plan to do. No, seriously, imagine if I channeled all this power toward school. Shit, ideally I could probably get done with the entire semester in, like, 1/2 the time at least!
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-08-03T05:18:03.471518+00:00The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-09 at 1:57 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSJesus man, get diagnosed and tell them about how severe your symptoms are.
It’s amazing you were able to work two jobs when you’re way worse than I am now.
They may finally feel sorry enough for yous to prescribe Nardil.
I completely understand what a living hell autism can be. Thank god I’m overcoming or more and more, have the knowledge, tools, and skills I need, developed through constant effort, obsessive reading and analyzing for countless hours to the exclusion of all else, improving myself, my mind, in immeasurable ways.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-08 at 10:15 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by hydromorphone I've been making origami animals in other news… who wants me to send them origami critters?
Malice, would you let me send you Origami critters? I would if I had an address to mail them to. It's been helping with my anxiety somewhat, as of late. Just started a few days ago. Picked up an unopened complete starter kit with a book for like 50cents at a yard sale in a ritzy part of town where I clean rentals. I've made a couple things… working on more with instuctions I've found on the internet now… working on making dragons. Might be something up your alley to give a shot with. I think you'd like it.
How about instead I send you and PoC some kava extract to try for severe anxiety, even reducing epilepsy?
PoC already gave me his address in the past, but you know how he is. Even though he’s changing he can easily and rapidly go right back to his old ways and be impossible to get through to.
You can test it first and then mail it to him.
It’s so cheap it will barely cost a thing to send it in an envelope.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-08 at 10:08 PM UTC in Hey malice do you ever get tired of being a pussy?
Originally posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery That motto was added in like the 1950s…
Yeah, IIRC it was because of the Red Scare and the USSR’s policy on religion, their atheistic stance. They had the moronic just of being concerned about declining religious association and beliefs, possibly leading to or an increase in atheism, producing an increase in support for communism.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-08 at 9:57 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSOh, heh, I completely forgot about that challenge after I raged out.
Mo, fuck you. You probably missed it, but I intend to either leave or drastically reduce how much I post and how often I visit.
Goddamn it, I need to stop being goaded into going into wall of text mode.Or you could try to enter an actual discussion of some concrete subject instead of calling me annoying whenever I respond to one of your posts as if you meant for it to be taken seriously. That is kinda what this place used to be about, but whatever man, if it makes you feel better to write off everything you post as low-effort and and not meant seriously that's up to you.
Lanny, you see this? Do you honestly not realize how persistently condescending, presumptuous, insufferable etc. you are?
This is why no one likes you other than when you're posting something light-hearted and amusing. I swear if I ever see you in SF again I'm going to sprint at you and dive tackle you.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-08-08T09:59:39.469780+00:00The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-08 at 9:44 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSLanny, I do treat this place essentially as a journal a large percentage of the time, you stupid motherfucker. Do you honestly believe I'm so oblivious that I expect anyone to read my enormous rants? There are other reasons for it.
Any serious writing I produce, which often stems from rapidly spewing out my thoughts in an unedited stream of thought style, naturally typing near my top speed, goes into various files I have (Auto-backed up online, of course.), not on here. Why would I post them here when there is literally 0% chance of anyone reading them, and my intention, in that scenario, would not be to simply use this place as a journal?
God I hate speaking to you. I refuse to ever engage with you again. Just ignore any writing like this.What do you want me to say? It's Parfit without an argument and some mumbo-jumbo about "beleive this and you'll be happy". The buddhist "phenomenology", for lack of a better term, is interesting, granted. But in every presentation I've seen you start out with some actual insight into subjective experience, a taxonomy, and then "yeah but that's not real". You poke, naturally, because that's stupid, how is something you just described and I have direct access to every second not real? "Oh well by 'not real' what's actually meant is 'impermanent'" and then you're like "ok well even like Cartesian dualists don't think consciousness is immutable" and then their eyes kinda glaze over when you try and explain the difference between essential and nonessential properties and they mumble something about attachment or suffering or whatever, bonus points of some pseudo-enlightened anti-intellectualism, and you're like fuck it, why even try?
Oh, Jesus fuck, you are such an idiotic unbelievably presumptuous pretentious condescending brat, you stupid fucking jackass.
Well, it's good you know Parfit. I have clearly fucking said I plan on a non-mystical reformulation. It's not a novel concept, but the insights I plan on espousing and elucidating, other aspects, are. It has absolutely nothing to do with what the vast majority of Buddhists believe, which I heavily criticize and is something that has never been part of my thoughts. As if I would believe in any of the things you listed, you mental fucking retard. God you can be so fucking stupid. Why do you think I don't even want to bother putting any real effort into communicating with you and just ignore you most of the time?
Well, you're bound to develop immensely, particularly until you reach 28, which is a general pattern for males. Hopefully you'll overcome your flaws and stop being a dumbass.
Years from now, if anything is ever published, or at the very least professors tell me they highly regard it (I'm going to keep a journal/record of the experience. I think I'll call it "Adventures in Autism".). Then we'll finally know, and it's really the only way to demonstrate it.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-08-08T09:53:54.749441+00:00The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-08 at 9:37 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by hydromorphone do it, faggot. It'd be a mercy killing and do PoC a huge favor in life.
Hey, seriously, if you ever do it, are you planning to take out a life insurance policy? I don't know what the law is in Florida, but I was surprised to learn that in CA it actually does pay out even if you do it.
Aw, fuck, I suppose if you were you would leave it in a trust for your son. I wanted it so I could attempt to overcome my severe autism and life situation and get dual PhD's in philosophy and neuroscience from a top university.
Nardil began an incredible change in me. Sublingual NSI-189 freebase before high intensity interval training then took it to the next level. I'm actually drastically changed, getting so many things done, working on multiple projects, breakthrough ideas for my long-term plans, already have a lot of writing saved, bought multiple things I needed to improve my life
Oh, speaking of that, you have to try kava extract for anxiety, trust me. It's cheap: https://niggasin.space/post/232106
and I'm so fucking poor for the bay area, along with needed a lot of medication and therapy I have to pay out of pocket for. Countless things. I finally know what I want to do in life, dedicate at least a decade to, which is perfectly in line with my strengths, passions, and beliefs. It's perfect, it just suddenly came to me while thinking about the views I developed.
This is all very long term, btw. As in, it could take 10 years before I'm at the point. Being completely realistic. There's no guarantee it will happen, of course, these certainly do appear to be lofty goals.
Essentially analogous to my interpretation of the Buddhist system. No-self, impermanence, desire, suffering. Suffering will be the foundation of my system.
A reformulation of my interpretation of Buddha's original teachings, essentially resurrecting the original an all its implications, an extensive elucidation and argumentation. I plan to read a series of translations of the Pali Canon/Tripitaka that's literally 9,000 pages long (I did the math) for this.
Then a series of papers on autism. The neurology and how all symptoms/behaviors/traits can be clearly explained, the recurring pattern of synergistic/augmentative aspects. Possibly books.
Finally a magnus opus in philosophy, All of Life is Suffering, similar in general style to The World as Will and Representation. I intend to take on life itself (No, Lanny, my argument is not life is bad/sad so no one should have kids and we should all commit suicide, you goddamn idiot. Try actually reading Better Never to Have Been before embarrassing yourself by spouting common idiotic misinterpretations/presumptions like this.).
Suffering. The disorder that causes the most suffering, adjusted for prevalence, the philosophy that primarily addresses suffering. This is the most altruistic thing i could do, and it perfectly aligns.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-08 at 7:58 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by hydromorphone My sammiches don't taste like ass because I don't make sammiches. I'm the asshole who actually was a cunt to PoC though, so… I deserve all the bullshit. I'm really sorry for hurting PoC and being the cause for his destructive behavior he ensued in… I'm a huge asshole, retarded cunt.
Oy, women. To be honest, you are way too unstable and it's going to take years of serious effort to really recover, if it ever happens.
...
Oh god, I have to be honest, looking at every problem you have, how serious they are and what an amazing array there is, it's probably never going to happen. Maybe you can just aim for being, ah,...oh fuck it, I'm going to bed.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-27 at 2:13 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSBad Is Stronger Than Good
https://carlsonschool.umn.edu/Assets/71516.pdf
Came across a magnificent extensive overview on the impact of negative emotional events, suffering, and how it is far stronger than positive life events. I was already aware of this, the concept and evidence/research supporting the view, which is fairly apparent even through mere reflection, but it's good to have a single item that is so thorough. Profound value for negative utilitarian ethics. Also value for the view that in a sense suffering is the baseline state of life, which Schopenhauer espoused. Did a search and found that Benatar listed it in the bibliography for his recent book The Human Predicament.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-08 at 1:42 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSI don't get mad. It's a quirk of my mind. I'm either indifferent to someone, mildly annoyed by them being human and simply being in my vicinity/line of sight, or I straight to wanting to brutally murder them, a step higher being horrendously torturing them to death.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-07 at 8:29 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-07 at 9:35 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-05 at 11:17 AM UTC in THE OFISH 2017 COLLAGE THREAD!!!HTS, did you ever consider that transition to a female made you more depressed along with causing other problems? Biologically, there's more to being a woman than simple hormones. What if the enormous suicide rate is in part due to incongruence between the radical long-term shift in this and the male body? Think about it, I know you don't understand neuroscience and the endocrine system anywhere near as well as I do, not even remotely close, but you should be able to see why this is perfectly reasonable and has a high chance of being true. Look up the information on low testosterone levels, extremely low, along with high estrogen levels, and depression. Years ago testosterone was on of my obsessions for months, and I used it myself while weight lifting. Do you know what immense sex differences there are in an array of some of the most important aspects of the brain? No, this is not a myth. God knows what kind of utterly idiotic garbage you may been reading telling you otherwise. Just take a look at this, how chasmic the divergence is in one of the most basic components!
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/01/050121100142.htmIn general, men have approximately 6.5 times the amount of gray matter related to general intelligence than women, and women have nearly 10 times the amount of white matter related to intelligence than men. Gray matter represents information processing centers in the brain, and white matter represents the networking of – or connections between – these processing centers.
Yes, of course there could be a benefit, if it was truly right for you (You can't be sure because you haven't actually experienced it. Don't give me that bullshit about how you "just know", you're so fucked up in the head and irrational I don't give a shit about how well you believe you understand yourself.), and things were ideal. Of course they aren't even close to ideal, because you're a half assing fat lazy stupid motherfucking piece of shit, and ugly as well. You may not even have the face to ever properly pull it off, unless you're willing receive surgery for it, even your voice, the problem is you would have actually had to pay for it by getting an education and decent job beforehand, doing things properly, instead being a worthless entitled piece of garbage that only burdens everyone. The cost for overseas surgery, which is an excellent choice at high quality hospitals that cater to medical tourists, is relatively low, you may only have needed as little as 10K. That would not have been a lot. If it was, how the fuck do people buy cars? Of course it seems like a lot due to your worthless predisposition and the state you've been in your entire life, which you're clearly too idiotic and devoid of the right character to ever escape. You'll simply continually engage in defeatism and make the most pathetic excuses for everything, attempt to explain how your life, success and happiness, is simply oh so impossible.
Well I fucking made it, and my conditions were far worse than yours. I'm literally heavily autistic and haven't had any social relations in 14 years, I've been completely isolated for the past 3 when I suffered a severe mental breakdown, developed a vast array of severe mental problems, the ones I had worsening, close to maxing out depression rating charts, feeling almost relentless depression without reprieve for the entire period, I don't even have any family, no one at all. I was anthropophobic and agoraphobic, not even stepping foot outside for up to a month. My anxiety was through the roof. Bedridden, every symptom at the maximum. It culminated in me become a serious alcoholic for an extensive period, literally drinking a 5 liter box of wine a day, then at the end 1.75L of whiskey and a box every 2 days, sometimes vomiting intermittently throughout the entire day, particularly dry heaving in teh morning, and not being able to get food or much water down for at least day, even up to 3 once, feeling horrendous.
This was my routine toward the end:>wake up in a panic completely soaked in a cold sweat after bout of extensive insomnia
>reach over to grab bucket and dry heave
>do some some dabs for the antiemetic effect and other benefits in order to keep anything down, dry heave from the smoke/vapor
>scramble for a drink and anti-depressants
Culminating in me choosing to go to the ER instead of the store to buy more and perpetuating the cycle, on the verge of a seizure, and telling them I was having thoughts of suicide. My life was so bad that spending the day there, speaking to people about my problems, having a security guard within site the entire time to monitor me, being hooked up to IVs and an ECG, lying in bed with nothing to do, was actually substantially more fun, enjoyable, and interesting than my regular life. How bad does your life have to be for that to occur? Well, pretty fucking bad.
I even experienced catatonic symptoms from the PAWS, even with ativan and etizolam, thought I may have been dying or experiencing catatonia like deterioration, which eventually happens in 17% of ASD sufferers, and planned to schedule an appointment with a neurologist, seriously considered whether I may have to move into an assisted living facility.
Then I had the intelligence and resolve to set an appointment ASAP and managed to receive Nardil on my first try because despite being so fucked up I was still intelligent, knowledgeable, had the foresight, awareness, cognitive skills and ability, to scam a Nardil prescription on my first try, which I had determined was the optimal medication for me, the only one that would work, and I was right, as always.
Now I'm about to attend school and dual major in philosophy and neuroscience to the highest level I can achieve, transfer to the best school I can, which will at least be UC Berkeley, currently ranked #6 worldwide, above Princeton and Yale, and I won't have to pay anything for it. Due to the additional scholarships I may qualify for, the potential for a full ride, I may essentially get paid to go to school. With how incredibly low my expenses are, I could live well even with the cost of the Bay Area.
You're a fucking loser. I don't believe your excuse about committing suicide being too difficult. Destruction is far easier than creation. Causing your body to cease to function, even painlessly, is a simple problem to solve. There are multiple ways to do it.
Oh, you can't afford to buy the items required? You've told us how much money you piss away each month. If you genuinely had the resolve you would save, even steal, to do so. It does not cost a lot. There are multiple methods.
How much does it cost to buy a suitable bag, something to seal it with, both of which you probably already have available, and an inert gas? What about a strong benzo and opioid? Pick up a bag of fucking heroin, you're completely full of shit if you claim you can't.
You're either too utterly imbecilic, devoid of intellectual worth, to be able to figure it out, or you don't genuinely want to.
I want you to die. You're never going to overcome your problems and you need someone to tell it to you straight, clearly and directly. Your life is absolutely meaningless, pointless, and you may as well end your suffering and immense burden on others. The only reason anyone either tries to help you is either because they feel sorry for you or simply feel immensely obligated to, like your parents, which I'm sure regret ever adopting you, something you probably figured out a long time ago, or the paramedics and doctors who are only doing it because it's their job and secretly hope you would just die and stop wasting time and resources that could be used for people who actually deserve it.
Do it! Even if they won't admit on some level everyone knows that everything I've said is true, they were tired of your repeated incessant whining a long time ago, even encouraged you and laughed as you overdosed on cam and were found by your mother (Wonderful thing to do to a parent, btw. I'm sure they love finding their only son on the verge of death.), and they know you're never going to get better and make it anyway. You're a complete waste of everyone's time and effort, want a perpetual pity party, attention, so you can delude yourself into thinking that people on a screen hundreds or thousands of miles away, who you'll never even meet, mean you aren't alone, have actual friends, and that there are people who care about you. Stop lying to yourself and accept the truth, you are alone and always will be, you're completely unlikable and will never find someone to love because you're absolutely disgusting.
As for your parents, they adopted you, a baby who needed a home, one of the most altruistic and selfless acts there is, they cared for you, suffered and were burdened, put immense effort, for countless hours, spent so much time and money trying to give you the best life they could, develop you into a good, successful person, genuinely loved you deeply as their own son, worried about you, your problems, likely spent countless moments talking to each other about you, lost sleep and cried, spent nights alone just staring at the ceiling while you were on their mind, the countless memories they had with you, trying to make you happy, they hoped for the best for you
and this is how you turned out? I wouldn't be surprised if you ever killed them or at least sent them to an early grave because of broken heart.
You're an absolute monster, an abomination. I genuinely hope that if there's one good act you ever commit in your life, if your toxic black heart can muster it, it's that you finally do the entire world a favor and kill yourself once and for all, make sure you get it right this time, as soon as possible, ideally by tomorrow.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-05 at 12:35 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSI'm actually changing substantially.
I can go outside daily just fine, without excessive anxiety, and I'm running 30 minutes every day at good intensity, a level of effort, with sublingual NSI-189 (massive effect when you do this).
I'm also consistently meeting responsibilities with preparing for school, and have been cleaning my apartment regularly. The floor (I just need a new powerful mop, an ultra mop, to really finish it off. Like, a huge one that also has strong large bristles or something so that it can also scrub the floor, maybe even motorized.). Taking out the trash regularly.
My sink is finally cleaned out after months. Heh, I just plugged the drain and added a ton of detergent, bleach, and max temp water, left it like that for hours. Laziest fucking way to prepare a ton of filthy hard to clean dishes, but by god if it ever works great.
Sink, shower, and toilet are all thoroughly scrubbed, disinfected, and spotless.
Eating well and consistently. General biological maintenance, bodily upkeep.
Guess I still need to work on getting to bed on time and not overdoing it because I'm reading/researching and writing excessively. Literally spend two days straight, ending just yesterday, doing this with barely a break, although my productivity dropped off a lot after 24 hours straight (I was on flmodafinil) and by midnight on the second day, when I still needed to eat and wrap up, I genuinely felt like I may accidentally pass out suddenly at some point. I just get so enthralled and obsessed by certain things, projects I'm working on. At times I just feel I have to continue the unbroken stream of consciousness and thought.
Well, at least I definitely don't have a problem reading and writing for absurd periods, maintaining my concentration, as long as I genuinely find it interesting, and I do find most things of interest, other than math and some bullshit in the arts and social sciences, at least what students are required to read and how it's presented.
I could probably beat damn near anyone, except some of those super-Asians at top universities. You can't compete with this aspie when it comes to extreme obsession/severe OCD, repetitiveness/preference for sameness, going into hyperfocus mode, generally just working non-stop on something all day long.
I highly recommend everyone try NSI-189 sublingually, ideally the freebase, before some intensive exercise. Simply an intermittent style of running/jogging, stopping and starting to keep your BPM in a certain range, the intensity/exertion high enough, for as little as 15 minutes, maybe even 10 (I prefer to do 30, although 20 would be optimal if you really ramp up the intensity near the max of what you can handle.). At least half the time you aren't even running/jogging, but simply walking or jogging at a slow pace until you recover enough energy, your heartbeat and breathing go down enough.
There's an undeniable and distinct boost in mood, energy levels, and cognition, your mental energy and what feels like the most distinct increase in general intelligence I have ever experienced, possibly the only true effect.
I won't write too much about the details because then you won't read it.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-02 at 4:58 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSNope, even if you only look at the WW2 period Whites/Europeans have never been particularly violent compared to other civilizations. Humans in general have always been barbaric, and there's an immense amount of evidence supporting this.
This is nothing but a commonly perpetuated and blindly accepted myth that aligns with the leftist narrative, immense leftist biases.
Just about that simple, at its core.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-08-02 at 7:23 AM UTC in THE OFISH 2017 COLLAGE THREAD!!!
Originally posted by cerakote his excuse is autism
its also his excuse for everything else
No, I don't want to work and don't have any real reason to right now. I want to focus on other things.
Hell, given that I live in California and qualify as having all these attributes:
Originally posted by Malice Anyway, building on a thought I’ve had before: I’m an “under represented minority”, first generation college student, come from a poor family and qualify as being unbelievably poor as fuck for the Bay area in particular, qualify as considerably disabled due to literally being autistic, have a vast array of (severe) mental illnesses, have been estranged from any family for a decade+, there are numerous serious aspects of my life that qualify me for extenuating circumstances, yet I’m still classified as gifted/with an unusually high IQ and capable of scoring extremely high on standardized tests like the SAT and ACT as well as achieving a high GPA.
Hahaha, in two years I would absolutely love to see where I’m capable of being accepted, whether I can scam any full rides, possibly scholarships (Can I spend the money on whatever the fuck I want?).
Jesus christ life has been so fucking way for me, in a way. It’s amazing how much I’ve been able to slack off and profoundly fuck up my life, yet still easily weasel out of it and coast through.
I’m such a terrible person.
I'll probably get paid to go to school, along with SSI. What a sweet deal. Why the hell would I fuck it up by working an unpleasant demeaning soul-crushing and excruciatingly mind rotting/torturing dull job, which would rob me of countless hours, just to end up in a worse position than I am now?
It's a classic case of the welfare trap/perverse incentives. Conservatives were right, it does make you complacent and dependent.
I'm riding the gravy train straight out of the welfare office. I LOVE welfare. Working is for chumps.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!