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Posts by aldra
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2020-01-23 at 1:25 PM UTC in Random Thoughtsit's just after midnight and I've been listening to the guy next door drunkenly try to unlock his apartment for the last 10 minutes
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2020-01-23 at 1:22 PM UTC in do you guys think TouchArcade makes the big bucks?
Originally posted by Wariat it goes against all modern comventions in both web and gay porn.
https://toucharcade.com/
no it doesn't you mongolroy -
2020-01-23 at 8:28 AM UTC in So, what's upoh, sploo is died
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2020-01-23 at 8:27 AM UTC in So, what's upfollow ur dreams
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2020-01-23 at 6:10 AM UTC in I just created an infographic based on my own designsbetter with pigeons
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2020-01-23 at 5:58 AM UTC in im back to hating pythonyou can beat the python!
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2020-01-23 at 5:57 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!fucking imagining going ham and hammering willie nelson in the face, then just stopping to pull his dick out
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2020-01-23 at 5:56 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN So I have an old lady. I call her the warden. I was working overnights at a gas station alone. I used youtube to MP3 websites to get stuff to listen to with one earbud in. I listened to a lot of stand up which I think contributed to why I don't think so right in normal situations. I was telling a co worker, dealing a crazy ass bitch and telling him there's reasons to hit a woman I got from Bill Burr. I told him he shouldn't do it but there are reasons to hit a woman.
So I got a joke from Doug Stanhope and wanted to tell the Mrs. "Hey babe. You wanna hear a joke?" She's down and I say, "So I told my old lady I wanted to fuck her between the tits. She says, 'How are you going to make it feel good for me?' "Right before I cum I'm going to stop punching you in the face."
Holy fucking shit. The flood gates were down. I'm being yelled at about it's never funny to joke about women being abused. Which is funny because I can tell say all the racist jokes I want and she laughs. She draws the line when it's something that can affect her. She's been beat up by a bunch of guys she was with that use to gorilla fuck her. Now it's my turn.
So I tell my joke, getting yelled at and I'm a fucking genius so I try to explain it. "It's funny in how offensive it is." I got no where with that logic. She goes to bed pissed and we're better than the next day.
A week later I heard another joke. What's the worst part about blowing Willie Nelson? Finding out it wasn't Willie Nelson. Implying you just blew some dirty, old street rat.
So I ask the warden, a week later, "Hey Babe… You wanna hear a joke?" She visibly rolls her eyes and sarcastically says, 'Sure.' She is already not happy but fuck it. I'm doing it. "What's the worst part about blowing Willie Nelson?" She's fucking still pissed and sarcastically, kinda pissed off responds, 'I don't know. You stopped punching him in the face?' I pause for a second before busting up laughing. The idea of blowing somebody while punching them was too funny. She hated that she made that joke way too funny and I've never let that story go.
I can't tell that story though. No one can relate apparently. It comes out the gate so hard people don't listen and just want it to stop. Typical Stanhope. One time last year I was camping with my dad and I figured, this is one of my funniest stories and surely he can relate. We're drinking, cooking burgers over a camp fire. In the middle of the woods. What better time to tell this story? I start off with Stanhopes joke and how I told it to the Mrs and I got immediately stopped. "I would never say anything like that to your mother! Good god!"
I think he's just turning into a pussy in his old age. And he pees sitting down.
actually made me choke on the burger I'm eating, good job -
2020-01-23 at 2:01 AM UTC in Random Thoughtsworse if it's the actual axel
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2020-01-23 at 1:33 AM UTC in Ask a psychopath anythingwhy can you not stop wetting the bed
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2020-01-23 at 1:18 AM UTC in FDA burys cancer cures & othersthat is not a trustworthy moustache
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2020-01-22 at 11:15 AM UTC in Is P0nti the same as Daxflame?I remember poniti but not daxflame
it was a long time ago -
2020-01-22 at 8:50 AM UTC in Reincarnationmatter's never really created or destroyed, but the shape and connections that make it 'you' as you understand yourself are dissolved
I guess it depends on how you think of yourself -
2020-01-22 at 8:46 AM UTC in Random image threadlooks like that groid from stranger things grown up a bit
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2020-01-22 at 8:45 AM UTC in Killing myself tonightoof nostalgia avatar
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2020-01-22 at 8:42 AM UTC in Your dream collaboration?It-Clings and Pneumatic Detach were pretty good
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2020-01-22 at 8:36 AM UTC in Random image threadlol crimes man
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2020-01-22 at 7:05 AM UTC in The R'tarded thread: The Shitfucking Edidtion 💩🖕
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2020-01-22 at 7:02 AM UTC in an example of good not great graphics designdid you warp a barometric map from the weather channel
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2020-01-22 at 2:26 AM UTC in Most intelligent NiS members
