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Mental Health Question for those who have done time in isolation.

  1. #1
    Bradley victim of incest
    This question is intended for answer by those who have done lengthy time periods (10 days or more) in isolation, be it Suicide Watch in Jail, Administrative Segregation, The Hole, etc.

    I haven't done that much hole time, a couple 10 day vacations, one long one that was for 45 days for investigation. Isolation time being you're not with a cell mate, have no contact aside from 1hr a day in a dog kennel outside , and 1 phone call a week for 10 minutes to your attorney type shit.

    Do you ever miss it? I can't find a way to replicate it in the REAL WORLD. I really just like (I guess, I've never really considered the fact I am partial to such abuse) the way the door slams shut and the little window goes closed and it's just you, the bunk, maybe 1 or 2 religious books, and that's it mane. No cell phone ringing, no overhearing anyone talking, no television, the food that comes is small portions but you're not really burning energy, every meal is breakfast in bed and you're just alone with your thoughts.

    It's like I'm afraid of how long I'm going to be in there and when the cell door shuts and I hear the locking mechanisms turn, I can , finally just take a deep breath, close my eyes and feel like time has stopped. I can be at peace in this purgatory and don't need anything, I curl on the bed, wrapped in a sheet, and just think, and think, and think.

    As a child (I began getting incarcerated at age 12) I was very afraid of it, now as an adult almost two decades later, I find myself kinda missing it.

    I do not wish to do the 10 days or even 45 days ever again, but like today is Labor day. I would've loved to just go in Friday afternoon, my hands swollen from using them as mallets on thieves or boy touchers (The two things I really hate most in the world) and just felt at peace--with my actions, with my life, with my swollen hands--I would grab the Asatru Edda (my religious book of choice) and just go to the part where Odin, Thor and Loki are walking around Jotenheim searching for the Giant and just read each word in stillness. Knowing I will likely read 20% of the book before I see a breakfast tray.

    Tranquility, maybe do some push ups and then feel as the blood leaves my triceps and chest, much slower than it filled, and think about every girlfriend I still miss and cherish the memories I've had (While masturbating with the hot water in the sink)

    Instead I'm going to do math practice problems for a couple hours, eat refried beans and then go swim in the bay of miami. Happier no doubt than I would be with a pending case or investigation on my actions going on but still kinda yearning for the peace of a lonely cell.

    Oh and FUCK EVERYONE THAT SAYS SOLITARY CONFINEMENT IS TORTURE, YEAH NIGGA YOU'RE A CAREER CRIMINAL IN PRISON THAT WON'T STOP FUCKING UP, WOULD YOU RATHER IT WAS BEATINGS OR SITTING IN YOUR ROOM
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