I have been using meth daily since the first of the month. I am just reminded constantly of my ex girlfriend and honestly feel like killing myself. Im sure it's just the chemicals in my brain totally screwed right now...I thought about messaging her on facebook but she would probably just ignore me or tell me off. This part sucks and the maybe even worse part is I still have another whole 4 grams left. I guess I could binge until I die (lol, not srs) I think I've had two solid sleep nights since then. Hmm guess I could take some melatonin and put something cheery on.. Damn I haven;t been hit this hard with depression in a while. It's like a years worth rolled into the last half of a day..
I have been using meth daily since the first of the month. I am just reminded constantly of my ex girlfriend and honestly feel like killing myself. Im sure it's just the chemicals in my brain totally screwed right now…I thought about messaging her on facebook but she would probably just ignore me or tell me off. This part sucks and the maybe even worse part is I still have another whole 4 grams left. I guess I could binge until I die (lol, not srs) I think I've had two solid sleep nights since then. Hmm guess I could take some melatonin and put something cheery on.. Damn I haven;t been hit this hard with depression in a while. It's like a years worth rolled into the last half of a day..
Take care of yourself man, you're a good guy. I can't say that my situation is anywhere close to yours but I've had my own struggle recently. I did do meth once but that was no biggy, but I basically laid in bed for two weeks and lost almost ten lbs from not wanting to eat.
I got upset About my cat dying, then I lost my job, then I started having issues with my attorney and my daughter's mom and my alcoholism . After I didn't at least have a job to keep me busy. I realized I felt wiped out bad, I had no energy, but I'm trying to change that now
^Thanks Bill Krozby. I've never really had a bad full blown addiction before but it was almost more of something to do out of boredom rather than "gotta have the next hit" type of deal. I did drink beer beer more or less daily for years but that hardly holds a candle to meth. Strong stimulants, well I'll just say basically the illegal ones all make me think of people I haven't seen in years I don't know why they've always done that. I guess the thought of being next to someone you cares about you is more comforting than dodging street shadow demons in a maxed out g6 at 4 in the morning. I can't remember who posted this but I remember someone saying the sleep deprivation unlocked some "portal" where the shadow people roamed and there was a lot more detail to it but it was an interesting read.
^well shadow people are real, in that they are the manifestation of your negativity, and the more you acknowledge them the more power they get.. Just like you missed someone so you take stims then you miss them more.. its just a cycle.. I took meth off and on for 2 years a couple years back and yeah it's a great way to kill sometime when you're feeling empty.. but what I noticed is I became way more paranoid of people than I already was and that I would get angered easily.
I abstained from it for over a year, until last week, I did a little bit, and I got high but it honestly didn't do that much for me, I ent up giving the rest of it away and actually fell asleep and was kind of pissed off at myself for doing it.
I haven't really been doing many drugs, but I've been tripping a bit recently on shrooms and last weekend I did get that melancholy feel about people I've missed. Like I thought about a couple of older women who actually legitimately liked me and was always happy to be around me, and I started to feel bad about it because I realized I blew them off and acted like I was to good for them. They never once got upset or angry at me, they just wanted to see me happy and I did everything I could to show I didn't give a fuck at all. These ladies I believe would do anything for me If I needed it, If I was homeless or something or sick they would have totally of taken care of me
But I just let it die out
There was a part of me that was extremely tired and being a drunkard where I just had no enthusiasm to hang and when I did I would just be within myself and end up leaving as soon as they'd go to sleep.
Growing up I used to think I had anxiety, but I realized I was then and am now a "high strung" guy. It wasn't until I lost my job and everything hit me at once I started having what I think are anxiety attacks, like as if nothing will ever be good again and everything is going to end. I would go to get a brew and my friend that works the corner store started asking me if I was okay, not in a condescending way, but in a legitimate way that he cared about me and he could tell I didn't feel well. I could see it in his eyes.
I still go get beer from him, but I try to cover up my feelings and make everything seem like its all good because I don't want to have to see that look in face, a look of sadness because he knows what I'm going through and then in turn reminds me even more of my situation.
since november I drank a 12 pack a day sometimes more, and would drink shots of whiskey at night while at work, when I lost my job I quit cold turkey a couple times and I felt even more intoxicated being sober, like I seriously was becoming uncoordinated from not drinking, like I was getting dizzy and barely felt I could cross the street. I spoke to my mom a couple times recently and she kept telling me she would pray for me, I didn't realize I sounded that depressed / crazy .
But It will all be good though mane, this stuff is just a phase for you and I.
